Auntie Fashion

Smoky Eye

Fundamentally, there’s nothing wrong with the smoky eye.  In fashion, however, any trend that lasts as long as the smoky eye is bound to get on my nerves.  When was the last time eyes weren’t smoky?

To that end, I’ve decided to conduct a survey.  What would you rather see?

The Smokier Eye: Why play with smoke when you can play with fire?  This style looked red-hot on Dr. Frankenfurter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, especially when it was doused with water in the film’s final scenes.

The Stripy Eye: A more colorful, more contrasting look without the requisite blending.  Inspired by Carla Bruni-Sarkozy and the French flag.  Très chic!

The Minimalist Eye: Why just go for no eye makeup when you can shave off your eyebrows and pluck your eyelashes?  Fierce!

The Upside-Down Eye: Instead of using concealer to cover up those dark circles, why not use color?  Kill two birds with one stone by applying Robin’s Egg Blue shadow underneath your lower lid.

So, what do you think?

Cover: Spring 1985

Context: David Lee Roth leaves Van Halen to pursue a solo career on April 1.  In what will become known as one of the worst business decisions in history, Coca-Cola changes its formula and releases New Coke on April 23.  The Edmonton Oilers win their second Stanley Cup on May 30.  Ceri Marsh vows to marry Wayne Gretzky, not realizing that Janet Jones has other plans for the sports icon.

Points of Interest: Your bag matched your shoes in 1985, and your nail color matched your lip color, too.  It wasn’t such a bad thing.

What Tyra Would Say: “I’m glad the makeovers are coming up because you need some edge.  How do you feel about wavy, red extensions down to here?”

What Auntie Fashion Says: Even to this day, the staff at FASHION have a difficult time living up to this benchmark issue and the “BEST FASHION EVER.”  How can they improve upon that?

Grade: B.

Carol Channing

Happy birthday, Carol Channing.  I can’t believe I found this photo of you trying on Courrèges hats with Roy Halston looking over your shoulder.  You put the other glamourpusses to shame!

. . . practice your signature runway walk on the treadmill at the gym.

Jody Watley

Happy birthday, Jody Watley.  I remember being stuck on a houseboat for a week during the summer of 1987 with nothing but your debut album and a cooler full of booze.  It was the best vacation of my life.  Thank you!

Gaultier Couture

I’ve been browsing the slideshows from the Paris couture collections, and I still haven’t found anything I’ve liked more than the Armani show that I blogged about yesterday.  Armani Privé’s foray into the Far East reminded me more of faraway planets, but that’s beside the point.  It was hard and beautiful, and exactly what I needed to see to make me look forward to a new era in fashion.

Jean Paul Gaultier’s show tread through similar territory.  As Tyra would say, the best designers seem to be tired of “resting on pretty.”  Gaultier’s show was a little more hit-and-miss than Armani’s, but the hits were spectacular.  The dress in the photo above is a masterpiece.  I really loved the way Gaultier introduced Gothic elements into this collection without turning it into a campy homage to Elvira, Mistress of the Dark or Night of the Living Dead.  It was all so elegant.

The incomparable Godfrey Deeny of Fashion Wire Daily wrote that the Armani show was in need of a strict edit.  However, I felt as if the Gaultier show could have been trimmed back substantially.  Nevertheless, when Jean Paul was on form, he was in another league than his counterparts.  I don’t believe there’s another working designer who is better at creating singular pieces.  Sometimes I wish that he could pull it all together at his own label like he did at Hermès last season.  Now that was a tight show.

Kellie Pickler and Cheryl Burke

In news that will undoubtedly have my friend Rusty crying like he just won both showcases on The Price is Right, Kellie Pickler has been named as the new face of Sexy Hair.

Rusty might just be Kellie Pickler’s biggest fan.  He became obsessed with her when she was a contestant on American Idol and has since established himself as the president of his own ultra-exclusive Kellie Pickler Fan Club, of which he is the only member.

Dancing with the Stars’ Cheryl Burke joins Kellie in her new role as a style icon.

Jack Coleman and John Forsythe

Happy birthday, John Forsythe.  Here’s a photo of you with your son, Steven Carrington, after the plastic surgeon gave him a new face but before he became Claire’s father on Heroes.  I don’t think he knows that you’re living a double life as both Blake Carrington and  Charles Townsend.  I promise I won’t let him in on the secret.

Armani Privé

I’ll admit that I’m not Giorgio Armani’s biggest fan.  His labels often seem rather ordinary to me.  Not this season, though.  I can’t believe how much I loved this collection.

The recent Milan menswear shows bored me to tears.  I didn’t even write about the Paris collections because the only message I got from the shows was “we’re trying too hard.”

So on to the couture collections.  The shows have been nice, but in a predictable sort of way.  I’ve been waiting for someone to wow me, like John Galliano did last season, but no one has risen to the challenge.  Until Armani Privé presented its latest offerings, that is.

I was ready to hate it.  About a week ago, Giorgio Armani made headlines for accusing Dolce & Gabbana of ripping off some quilted pants he had shown during a previous presentation.  I laughed about the incident because there’s this old Chinese woman on my bus route who wears identical pants with her winter boots on snowy days.  Maybe Giorgio stole her design!

Anyway, my jaw dropped when I clicked onto the first photo (above) from the wwd.com slideshow.  Those shoulders — wow!

Apparently, those shoulders didn’t impress the staff writers at wwd.com, but they impressed me.  In fact, the whole collection was spectacular.  Instead of sending a message like “Sure there’s a recession, but I’m rich,” the Armani show said “Cry on my shoulder about your financial troubles and I’ll poke your effin eye out.”  It was so hard and unsympathetic.

After a decade of retro and ruffles and ruching, I’m ready for a something a little harder, a little smarter and a lot more modern.  This collection seemed as detached as Mr. Spock, but that didn’t bother me at all.  It was a brave venture into the final frontier, with Romulan hairdos and Vulcan condescension.

The ultra-rich live on a different planet than the rest of us anyway, so they might as well dress as if they do.  Kudos to Mr. Armani for giving them something to wear when they boldly go where none of us earthlings have gone before.

Camille

Project Runway Canada Season 2 premiered last night with fourteen designers vying for the chance to show their collections at Toronto Fashion Week.  By the end of the episode, however, there were only eleven designers left standing.

I don’t ever remember seeing a reality show where two contestants were taken away in ambulances on the first episode.  It’s become sort of a cliche of the genre to send at least one contestant to the hospital over the course of the season, but two contestants on the first episode?  Where do they get these people?

It all began with Jaclyn’s panic attack.  She came undone faster than a cheap sweater from Smart Set.  Then Danio elected to go home for medical reasons.  Now I don’t want to be cruel, but I didn’t really feel sorry for Danio.  He took the spot of someone else who could have competed on this show.  Enough said.

As for the rest of the show, everything worked out quite well.  The judges couldn’t have picked a more-deserving top-three and bottom-three.

Camille was sent home for sending a discordant, unflattering mess down the runway on a model who looked as if she had jumped on a grenade to save a nearby orphanage.  Maybe if she had used that story to defend her outfit, she’d still be there.  Jason and Christie rounded out the bottom three, the former with an ode to lame runway theatrics and the latter with an homage to junior high home ec class.

The middle of the pack included Brandon, whose dress completely missed the point of the challenge, and Margarita, who needs to kick Brandon’s ass.  Please, editors, let that part where she looks as if she ’s planning Brandon’s murder be foreshadowing!

I don’t even remember what Jessica, Baylor and Genevieve designed, but I don’t hate any of them yet.  Maybe next time . . .

Jeff made a lovely outfit that didn’t make me hate his guts, so I’m sort of interested to see what the guy does next.  He might be this season’s Lucian.

The top three included Kim, who was accused of having too much going on.  I couldn’t agree more, but there were definitely some creative aspects to her garment.  Sunny’s jacket showed that he has the skills to win, but his skirt was atrocious.  My favorite by far — and the judge’s pick, as well — was Adejoké’s dress.  Her conversation with Brian Bailey where she blurted out the word “slutty” was also the highlight of the episode.  So far I love everything about this girl.

All in all it was a great premiere that promised a great season ahead.  And with much of the filler gone in the first episode, I won’t be weighed down by the burden of remembering the names of contestants who didn’t deserve my attention.  That sounds like a win-win situation to me!