Auntie Fashion

Kellie Pickler

It just dawned on me that I’ve been delinquent in my responsibilities to promote the first-ever Wear a Gown to Work Day on May 29.  Between Toronto Fashion Week and the dozen or so reality shows I’m addicted to, I’ve been a little distracted.  Now I can get back to work and give the women of the world what they need: More glamour in their dreadfully dull lives.

I suppose that it’s a good time for many of you to shop for gowns.  It’s prom dress season and the stores are full of fetching ensembles like the one pictured above on fashion icon Kellie Pickler.  Wow!  Your old Auntie Fashion has been to small-town North Carolina and she doesn”t remember seeing anything like that!

I guess I was shopping in the wrong boutiques.  Anyway, you’ve got a little more than seven weeks to get yourself a gown if you haven’t purchased one already.  Remember that I’m counting on you, my readers, to launch this event with the enthusiasm of Rachel Zoe on a cigarette after a fourteen hour flight.  Just suck it up like it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.

Ewan McGregor

Happy birthday, Ewan McGregor.  Every time I see you, I think of Moulin Rouge, and then I want to punch you in the face.  I don’t blame you, though.  It’s Baz Luhrmann’s fault for making such a crappy movie.

Dalma

Supermodel rivalries are mostly made up in the heads of the supermodels — take Naomi and Tyra, for example.  If there ever was a genuine rivalry between two models, however, those models would have to be Dalma Callado and Iman.

There was probably nothing personal between the two beauties (they could have been best friends for all I know), but on the ’70s and ’80s runways of such luminaries as Valentino, Bill Blass and Yves Saint Laurent, there was always an unspoken competition to prove who could be the most fabulous.  If you only knew the names of two runway models in 1979, you knew the names of Dalma and Iman.

In my opinion, Dalma was the winner of the catwalk contest.  I’m sure some people will disagree with me, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone walk in heels with as much innate elegance as the original Brazilian bombshell did.  There has never been anyone quite like her.

Pilling

Fibrillation: The formation of fibrils or small filaments of the surface of fabrics.  Particular fabrics, such as rayon, are susceptible to fibrillation as individual fibers loosen from the yarn or break down due to wear.  Other fabrics, including spandex, resist fibrillation.  Cotton also tends to resist fibrillation, but the manner in which the cotton yarn is spun and the quality of the cotton itself determines the fibrillation resistance of the finished fabric.

Fibrillation can result in pilling (small, ball-like formations of fibrils) in areas of high friction, such as the armpits or crotches of certain garments.

RuPaul’s Drag Race

I’ve been avoiding posting anything about RuPaul’s Drag Race.  I haven’t read a spoiler about the winner yet, and I don’t want to know anything until the finale airs in Canada.

Nevertheless, the show has been a riot.  Last night’s Canadian episode was a recap full of unseen footage and bonus clips.  My favorite finalist, Nina Flowers, was revealed to be every bit as wonderful, creative and charming as the previous episodes have shown.  In America’s Next Top Model lingo, she modeled through the competition.  Bebe Zahara Benet was given the  winner’s edit, with a full story arc and a brush with elimination just to ensure that she’s not resting on pretty.  Upstart Rebecca Glasscock was given the no personality edit, which practically ensures her a third-place finish.  It was lucky for her that Shannel had lost her spark in the previous episode.

I was delighted to see RuPaul give my beloved Tammie Brown her due when she mentioned that it was important for a queen to know her history.  I truly believe that people don’t get Tammie because most people are too stupid to get Tammie.  When your memory only goes back to lunchtime, a girl who channels the golden age of cinema can’t really compete, can she?

Along the way to the finale, the show has been an absolute pleasure to watch.  Special guests like Bob Mackie, Debra Wilson, Charo and a bunch of butch chicks who really needed makeovers have made this one of the greatest reality shows I’ve ever seen.  Hopefully, there’s a second season in the works where some of my favorites from the casting site get on the show.  Pandora Boxx, Raya Light, Holy Grail and Artemis Chase, I’m looking at you.  Just because you didn’t make it the first time, that doesn’t mean you won’t take the title the next time.  It happened to drag-queen wannabe Jaslene Gonzales, and it could happen to you, too!

Celine Dion

Happy birthday, Celine Dion.  Although you make some fashion choices that leave me scratching my head, I adore you for being the one broad in show business who insists upon paying for her own clothes.

Joannie Rochette

Words cannot describe how excited I was to watch Joannie Rochette win a silver medal for Canada last night at the World Figure Skating Championships in Los Angeles. 

Joannie’s performance didn’t match the technical expertise of a few of her competitors, but her artistry was second-to-none.  She was beautiful, captivating and composed.

My favorite part of the evening was seeing the final group of skaters standing side-by-side as they waited to get onto the ice to warm up.  Rochette is fit by anyone’s standards, but standing next to the Japanese and Korean skaters, she looked like Serena Williams standing next to Kate Moss.

You’ve gotta love a girl who looks like she can take care of herself!  If she makes it onto the cover of FASHION or Flare in time for the Vancouver Olympics next year, I hope they put her in something that shows off those shoulders.  The girl is buff!

Elle Macpherson

Happy birthday, Elle Macpherson.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally put on my racerback swimsuit backwards only to have a boat drive by and splash me moments later.  I hate that, too!

Adrienne Butikofer

I was just reading finalfashion.ca where I discovered that Adrienne Butifkofer has a blog.  Adrienne has worn a lot of hats over the years.  She’s been a muse to Peter Nygård, a Macarena enthusiast, a casserole fan, a fashion designer, and in a few weeks she will become a mother.  There’s a rumor going around town that she’s going to name the baby after me.  I can’t wait for little Prunella to arrive!

Anyway, she’s going to skip a season while she concentrates on motherhood.  Apparently, she would like to become a better gardener in the meantime.  I guess it’s time that I proposed a trade.

I’m a gardening expert.  I’m not kidding!  I have the sort of garden that simultaneously impresses and embarrasses my neighbors.  I possess encyclopedic knowledge of what grows in most Canadian climate zones and I’ve even written features for gardening magazines.  Marjorie Harris and I are practically best friends, but instead of friendship bracelets we share a rare Euphorbia.

Now I want to become a fashion designer, and Adrienne wants to become a gardener.  We’ve got to be able to work something out.  I’ll be her apprentice and she can be mine.  My only concern in this situation is how our relationship will affect Adrienne’s friend and my protege Danielle Meder.  I hope Danielle’s not the jealous type — or the stabby type, for that matter.

Dental Floss

With my ultra-glamorous lifestyle, I get to meet a lot of celebrities whom I’ve admired from afar.  Seeing a movie star au naturel can be quite a surprise.  While many of them have been disarmingly gorgeous in-person (Andie MacDowell, Sharon Stone, Jane Fonda), others have disappointed me.  Usually it’s their teeth that surprise me.  I can’t believe how many people in show business have such poor oral hygiene habits.

You don’t really notice a bad gumline until you get right up in someone’s face.  But once you’re there, all the veneers and Zoom! whitening in the world can’t disguise puffy, receding, unhealthy gums.

The worst part about bad gums is that they’re so preventable.  If you floss on a regular basis, you’re probably going to have healthy gums.  It makes a world of difference that you can see in-person.

If fashion is truly about looking good, and looking good is contingent upon looking healthy, then looking fashionable and looking healthy should go hand-in-hand.  Too often they don’t.  In today’s society, it’s very easy to disguise poor health behind a cosmetic veneer — both literally and figuratively.  The manner in which people use cosmetic dental procedures to look good reminds me of that contest that is currently being advertised on TV to create a couture dress out of toilet paper.  Yeah, I’m sure the winning entry is going to be beautiful, but I’m not going to forget that it’s a dress made from asswipe.

If your body is a temple, then your mouth is the front door of that temple.  Take care of it.  Be sure to floss at least once a day.