Auntie Fashion

Chandra North

Happy birthday, Chandra North.  First I discover that Linda Evangelista plays the accordian.  Then I find a photo of you with a ukelele.  What’s next?  Yasmin Warsame with a tuba?

Anna Wintour

Everyone is reporting on the meeting of the CFDA bigwigs yesterday where Anna Wintour and Diane Von Furstenburg had a comedic exchange or two.  It put a smile on my face, but it also sort of annoyed me that these successful women are bantering over how to get people to shop again.  Frankly, too much indiscriminate shopping got us into this mess.  Why encourage more?

Anyway, I’ve got a few ideas of my own about how to beat the recession blues, and I’m going to share them with you.  Here’s the first entry in the latest series on my blog:

#1: Show up at work.  You don’t make money calling in sick with a headache you got from staying up too late playing video games or whatever sort of lame excuse you have.  Grow up and show up.  Your negligent behavior not only costs you money, it costs your employer in lost productivity.  Everyone loses when you sit on your ass like a selfish jerk.

Christine Taylor (in yellow)

Happy birthday, Christine Taylor.  I’m still not over the way the Academy snubbed you for your portrayal of Marcia in “The Brady Bunch Movie.”  Those has-beens wouldn’t know a great performance if it hit them in the nose like a football.

Check out this video from fashionmagazine.com where Fashion’s Fashion Director, Susie Sheffman, discusses how a movie about a hooker wearing thigh-high boots inspired a recent spread in the magazine.

I have to admit that “Pretty Woman” is on the top of the garbage heap when it comes to the movies I hate the most.  Nevertheless, Susie is adorable and the clothes look great.  I just hope that she hires me as a creative consultant when they shoot a tribute to “Dirty Dancing” starring Nico from “So You Think You Can Dance Canada” and pop sensation Beth Ditto.  I can’t wait until they do the lift!

Tim & Heidi

Happy birthday, Tim Gunn.  Here’s a box of Betty Crocker cake mix and a can of frosting.  Make it work.

Amber Valletta

From the moment Amber Valletta first appeared on the cover of Elle US in January 1993, the business began to buzz with excitement.  While she wasn’t exactly a throwback, her wide-eyed expression recalled the beauty of Twiggy or Jean Shrimpton.  Yet there was something even more elegant about Valletta, and soon comparisons to Grace Kelly began to emerge.

Grace Kelly, on the other hand, was never as sulty as Valletta.  It quickly became apparent that this girl from Oklahoma had a few more tricks in her bag.  She could be an ingenue, an aristocrat, a punk princess or a blonde bombshell.  In fact, she could be anything anyone wanted her to be, and in modeling that’s the gift that keeps on giving.  Everyone wanted to work with the incredibly versatile Amber Valletta.  Everyone did work with the incredibly versatile Amber Valletta.  Her resume is a who’s who of the fashion business.

Her most memorable collaboration, however, was with Versace.  Valletta was the first person to model the famous “double-sided tape” dress that made Jennifer Lopez into a household name when she wore it to the 2000 Grammy Awards.  Although Lopez did indeed fill out that dress in a manner that the model couldn’t, no one could have filled Valletta’s shoes in her subsequent campaigns for the label.  In fifty years, when future generations are looking for iconic fashion photos to mark the turn of the century, these are the pictures that are going to have them wishing they had been born fifty years earlier.

Elizabeth Berkley

Happy birthday, Elizabeth Berkley.  Stay classy!

CariDee & Melrose Impersonator

I’m not sure what to believe!  According to The Cut, America’s Next Top Model Cycle 7 winner CariDee English has been accused of being a filthy slob by a woman whose apartment she leased for two weeks.

In her letter, the woman complained that “there was fake orange tan dust all over everything: the pillows, the sheets, the towels, the bathmat, the walls, everywhere.”

I feel bad for CariDee.  She probably had Whitney and Tootie over for Cheetos.  I wonder if the lady who owned the apartment tasted the evidence before she jumped to the conclusion that it was tanning residue.  She also complained that there were short, black hairs all over the bathroom.  Although this is just speculation, CariDee’s carpet probably matches the drapes.  She’s a very fair-skinned girl.  Whitney, on the other hand . . .

Bobbie Gentry

Happy birthday, Bobbie Gentry.  You paved the way for Kellie Pickler, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Dorothy Hamill

Happy birthday, Dorothy Hamill.  You know, I remember using your “Short and Sassy” line of hair products — true story!  I liked it a lot, but I think I gave it up when they started making “Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.”