Auntie Fashion

Ralph Lauren Children’s Wear

Over the past weekend, The Bay launched an all-out advertising assault across Canada to promote its new arrivals from Ralph Lauren.  Various labels were included in the campaign, including children’s wear.

While I didn’t find the exact photos used in the campaign on the Ralph Lauren site (click the link above), I did find several photos that reminded me of the newspaper ads, including this one.

Now if I was a kid and my mother tried to dress me up like this, I probably wouldn’t leave the house because I would be afraid that I was going to be beaten to a pulp.  The only person I can see wearing this outfit willingly is Martin Prince from The Simpsons.

Let that be a warning to you.  Parents, unless you want to make your kids into bully magnets, practice your styling skills on yourself — not on your children.  It’s difficult enough for anyone to develop a personal sense of style without an overbearing mother or father to sabotage the process.

Richard Gere

Happy birthday, Richard Gere.  This cover almost makes me want to forgive you for “Pretty Woman“.  Almost . . .

Kitty Wells

Happy birthday, Kitty Wells.  If getting banned from radio stations in 1952 for being too racy wasn’t enough to make me love you, you’ve also managed to stay married to the same man you wed in 1937 — likely the longest celebrity marriage ever.  I don’t which accomplishment impresses me more!

Raquel Zimmermann

I haven’t seen “The September Issue” yet, but this quote on the Vogue website by Creative Director Grace Coddington has already made me change my mind about one particular model whom I wasn’t particularly interested in before.  Sure, Raquel Zimmermann is a beautiful girl, but I’ve never found her to be very intriguing.  Until Coddington revealed her favorite part of the movie, that is:

“But my very favorite scene is when Raquel [Zimmermann, the model] was eating pies at the couture. She kept looking at them and saying she wanted one, while we were lacing her into this tiny corset and reminding her she wouldn’t fit if she ate one. So she didn’t eat them . . . and she didn’t eat them. Then when the shoot was over she ate, like, a whole pie! It’s a funny scene, and she looks absolutely beautiful.”

Wow, a whole pie!  Who knew that Raquel was a girl after my own heart?  I am curious, however, to know if Coddington is implying that eating a whole pie might not be considered to be beautiful under normal circumstances.  I shudder to think about what the Vogue staffers would say if they saw your old Auntie at a buffet.

Cover: September 1989

Context: In his first televised speech to the nation on September 5, President George H.W. Bush holds up a bag of cocaine purchased across the street from the White House.  On September 9, “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block replaces “Cold Hearted” by Paula Abdul atop the Billboard Hot 100, much to the delight of die-hard NKOTB fan, Jennifer Campbell.  Disgraced ex-President of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos, dies in exile in Hawaii on September 28.

Points of Interest: Anyone worth their weight in stylishness was reading “The Andy Warhol Diaries“ in 1989.

What Tyra Would Say: ”This photo is very soft and pretty, yet it makes me aware that not every girl can appear soft and pretty in a photograph.  And that’s why I’ve decided to cast nothing but ugly girls in the upcoming cycle of America’s Next Top Model.  After all, modeling isn’t just about resting on pretty.”

What Auntie Fashion Says: I remember this era for the bustiers and the cone bras.  C’mon, FASHION — get with the times!

Grade: B-.

Robin Leach

Happy birthday, Robin Leach.  This photo of you from 1986 makes me wonder if Marc Jacobs recent collaboration with Miss Piggy is just another 80s retread from the world’s most-derivative hack.

LeAnn Rimes

Happy birthday, LeAnn Rimes.  Just when I thought that I couldn’t like you any more, I discover that you’ve got a Pomeranian named Virgo.  Now you share a special place in my heart along with Fran Drescher.

Tyra

Good news, everyone!  America’s Next Top Model is moving to CTV this fall.  With my new cable package, that means I can watch the show in five different time zones.  Then I can use my new PVR to watch it again!

ANTM Cycle 13 premieres on September 9.

Unfortunately, Project Runway Season 6 will still be running on the Slice network in Canada with a three-week delay.  That means that the show premieres on September 12, even though it’s already premiered south of the border.  It’s nearly impossible to avoid PR spoilers in the US media, so this is not such good news.

The moral of the story: Tyra loves us more than Heidi does.

Pee-wee Herman

Happy birthday, Paul Rubens aka Pee-wee Herman.  I know you are, but what am I?

Rachel Zoe

According to USA Today, BeelZoeBub wants to branch off into lifestyle branding.

“I want to give people a lifestyle. I don’t want to (just) give them great jewelry or a great vest,” Zoe says. “Candles, bedding, pillows, books, whatever it is. I want to do everything. But I won’t let go of styling, either.”

Oh, goodie!  Candles that smell like cigarette smoke.  Pillowcases of indestructable materials that don’t disintergrate in the wash when you try to bleach out the mascara and the self-tanner stains.  Books like “Style A to Zoe.”  Oh yeah — she already wrote that masterpiece.

That reminds me that I need to get started on my own new book: “Stylishnessness: From A to Zob.”  Not only is the title more adequately punctuated than BeelZoeBub’s similar tome, but I’ve also added an extra “ness” to the word “stylishness,” because what could be better than “stylishness” besides “stylishnessness“?  Look for it soon at a bookstore near you.