Auntie Fashion

FASHION

Although I haven’t received an official endorsement of Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 from FASHION Magazine’s Susie Sheffman, I’ll take this recent project of hers as nod of approval from the fashion director.

I hope to see Susie dressed just as glamorously when she visits Canada’s Glamour Capital for the first time.  Although I don’t believe that we’ll be indulging in a lot of hunting or fishing during the event, I suppose it’s a good idea to be prepared.  I’d think twice about wearing Marc by Marc Jacobs, though.  Bears can smell garbage from miles away.

Prada

I’ve seen a lot of mesh on the S/S 2010 runways.  The last time I saw this trend emerge was just about the same time my friend DJ started working out in the early 90s.  He was so proud of his newly-toned silhouette that he would wear mesh tops to the dance clubs we used to frequent.  Despite his trips to the gym, however, DJ really didn’t have the body for mesh.  He was very hairy, and I suppose he would have suited a different aeshetic.  The “Leather Daddy” look comes to mind . . .

Anyway, my senses haven’t been offended by the mesh that many designers have shown.  In fact, the photo I used a few posts back to illustrate my brief review of the Y3 show is one of my favorite looks of the entire season so far.  The highly-embellished-yet-preppy blazer with the mesh skirt was unexpectedly classy.  Now there’s a word that I didn’t expect to use to describe mesh.

So put on your lucite heels and get shopping for something made of mesh before everyone else starts wearing it.  Don’t let fashion leave you behind!

The Cut

I wrote that line in a post dated July 3, 2008.  Am I psychic?  Yes, of course I am – but that’s beside the point.

It appears as if lucite heels are next season’s thigh-highs.  Fortunately, many of my readers already have a closet full of these shoes, since my blog is so popular with retired hookers.  That reminds me — I need to call my friend Rusty.

Anyway, get ready for 2010.  It looks like it’s going to be one hot summer!

Rula Lenska

Happy birthday, Rula Lenska.  You were able to become famous for not being famous.  In this age of reality TV and fame whores, that’s an achievement that’s almost impossible to comprehend.

The Evil AntiZob 

Those words aren’t mine.  I read them on The Cut where they’re reporting (via the Daily News) that enemy-to-all-that-is-beautiful Marc Jacobs has signed on to star in a reality show.  Supposedly, the program is going to be a gay version of “The Real Housewives of New York City” called “Kept“.

Now I adore reality television, although I prefer the competitive reality shows over the candid genre.  Nevertheless, I know that filming a reality show takes time — time that someone who is designing a handful of collections shouldn’t have.  If Marc Jacobs was a real fashion designer, he would barely be able to breathe in between sketches.  But he’s not a fashion designer.  He’s a supervillain who leads an army of brainwashed minions that worship at his altar.  They do the work; he takes the credit.

I suppose I wouldn’t be so harsh on him if he did something to make me believe that there’s more to the man than the cult of personality.  He could go on “The Amazing Race,” for instance, or join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.”  Instead we’re going to be treated to an insider’s glimpse of how truly fabulous his life is.  Lucky us!  I can’t wait to see him smoking and tanning and smoking some more.

I need a drink.

Jill Whelan

Happy birthday, Jill Whelan.  Jeez, I hated Vicki Stubing.

Dolce & Gabbana

It’s been months since I posted a photo of the lovely Kim Noorda.  Here she is busting out of a dress at the Dolce & Gabbana show.

The clothes were nice.  The extremes of masculinity and femininity that make me love this label were present, but far removed from each other.  Models played either role, but not both this time around.  In a way, I wanted to see a little more gender-bending because — except for Mr. Gaultier – no one does it better than these guys.

There was one thing that stood out at this show that bothered me: The skinny legs.  With most of the models in thigh-grazing skirts, it gave me a chance to see who has a little meat on their bones.  Sasha Pivovarova, for instance, is slightly curvier than many of her counterparts.  Chanel Iman, however, has chicken legs.  The girl needs to eat something.  Relative newcomer Ginta Lapina appears as if she might have been a dancer or an athlete.  A little muscle tone goes a long way, and for that reason I’ll vote her Best in Show.  The way her thighs nearly touched each other was the biggest surprise I’ve seen on the runway all season long!

Hilary Duff

Happy birthday, Hilary Duff.  So, when are you going to marry your hockey player boyfriend and relocate to Edmonton?  You can have babies and make Brick commercials for his zillionaire dad.  It’ll be swell!

Bottega Veneta

I’m sure anyone who reads my blog is currently rolling their eyes and saying “Oh look, Auntie Fashion is writing about a Bottega Veneta show again.”

The truth is that I really wasn’t that fond of the fall show.  It started out beautifully, but midway through the presentation a section of overworked bodices came down the runway.  If there’s one thing I hate, it’s look-at-me boobs.  They’re almost as bad as wadded fabric on look-at-me crotches (scroll back a few posts to the Burberry review if you don’t know what I mean).  There’s something so indelicate about overwrought craftsmanship on your naughty bits.

Anyway, I’m over that now because Tomas Maier presented a BV spring show of nearly indescribable beauty, luxury and modernity.  It’s no wonder this man has been my favorite designer for the past couple of years.  And my favorite fashion critic seems to agree.  On style.com, Sarah Mower concluded her runway review with the four words that describe this collection best: ” . . . the epitome of sophistication.”

I can only add one thing to make Mower’s review reflect the strengths of this collection: At Bottega Veneta, you get what you pay for.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Happy birthday, Gwyneth Paltrow.  You know, I’d probably like you more if you weren’t given a first name that made me think of a child with swollen adenoids every time I heard it spoken.