Jackie O on a Trampoline
That’s probably what the UK is saying after the premiere of “America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion,” unless they were too busy eating Cornish pasties and watching “Coronation Street” to notice.
As a Canadian (which is sort of like being a hybrid of a Brit and a Yank), I watched this episode without taking sides, believing that Tyra Banks wouldn’t let me down after the “All-Stars” debacle that saw leathery Lisa snatch the title from “I work in a bank, bitch” Angelea. Wait a minute! Was Lisa’s last-minute victory over Angelea a metaphor for the US economy. Did her victory symbolize the resilience of the average American pensioner against the all-consuming greed of the financial sector? I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Tyra!
But I digress! I wasn’t really rooting for anyone in particular. Earlier this week I had chosen a girl named Eboni as the winner in a simulated application of Tyra-logic. Poor Eboni, however, wasn’t giving the judges “Jackie O on a Trampoline” and was the last American girl called out during the judging panel. I felt so sorry for Eboni. She’s far too young to remember when President John F. Kennedy met his future wife at a circus where she was part of a death-defying trampoline troupe, or when she had trampolines installed in every room of the Whitehouse shortly after their wedding, or when she married her second husband, trampoline magnate Aristotle Onassis.
It was lucky for Eboni that British contestant Jasmia made a worse John-Lennon-on-a-trampoline and was sent home — probably catching a ride on a cargo ship since much of this season’s budget was blown on sixty brand new cameras that shot the girls in 3D, leaving no money to pay poor Mike Rosenthal, either. It was his birthday yesterday and I spent the entire day with his head in my lap. He was inconsolable!
Well, at least my week wasn’t ruined. I love to hate this dumb show, and I have to admit that I wasn’t disappointed in the least. I can’t wait until next week!