Jeff Colby’s Daughter is America’s Next Top Model
Well, another season of “America’s Next Top Model” has come and gone, and once again I’m left scratching my head. Last season it was because the girl I liked actually won the title, so I probably shouldn’t complain. Probably . . .
Anyway, Laura James, the daughter of John James, beat out Leila and Kiara on last night’s finale episode. John James played Jeff Colby on “Dynasty” and “The Colbys” throughout the 80s. In fact, Jeff Colby and Fallon Carrington had a daughter named “Lauren” not long before the show wrapped up. Although Laura claims that her mother is an former beauty queen from Australia, a little voice inside my head tells me that Laura really is Lauren Carrington and that her grandmother is Alexis Carrington. Honestly, if that’s the only thing that’s going to make me like her, just let me believe it.
In other news, the judges scores were as arbitrary and illogical as ever. Third-place winner Leila was told that she had the best campaign photo for Nine West and the best layout for “Nylon,” in addition to being a fan favorite since the show began, but her “high fashion” look wasn’t appropriate for a cycle that was obviously about choosing a “flawsome” girl with a curvy, Kate Upton-type body and a commercial look. Thankfully, Tyra explained her strategy for picking a winner in the last two minutes of the show, otherwise I would have still been wondering the point of this cycle since she didn’t mention it during the previous eleven episodes.
Kiara came in second place even though this season was supposedly about the social media fans — and the social media fans hated her all along! I actually liked her thirty-something look and I believe that she’s very telegenic. I hope that she pursues acting or some other career where she can utilize her many talents, none of which is modeling.
And Laura won despite a sort of watered-down bitch edit. She probably could have gotten the full-on bitch edit if it wasn’t for Kristin and Kelly Cutrone; how many bitches does one show need? Nevertheless, I sort of enjoyed what Kristin brought to the show because if you’re going to be horrible, you can at least be pretty while you’re doing it — like Alexis Carrington! Kelly Cutrone, on the other hand, is a full-on ogre, like Donald Trump. Yet for some reason I can stomach his schtick and I can’t stand hers. I guess that underneath his larger-than-life persona there is a shred of self-deprecation that makes me believe that he’s in on the joke. Cutrone has none of that. She’s not even the joke itself. There’s nothing there to like.
All in all, there wasn’t that much to like about this “College Edition,” either. It was a weak season with a flawed scoring system (“I hate this photo . . . I’ll give it an 8.” “I love this photo . . . I’ll give it an 8.”) The objective to embrace a more commercial look was never clear and no one did anything to mentor the models. With “The Face” about to provide some competition to ANTM, and other “classic” reality shows actually providing some genuine entertainment because of good casting (both “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race” are wonderful this season), Tyra Banks had better do something more creative than just adding male models to the mix. She ought to make her audience believe that her appointed winner stands a chance at a career as a professional model. I usually don’t complain about the lack of actual modeling on this particular reality show, but this season it reached a new low. Perhaps it wasn’t as low as Angelea vs. Lisa in the final two, but no one can prove that that really happened, right?