Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

This Week in “Not a Model” . . .

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The Girl Who Went Around in Circles

Jeremy

I could only think of one thing while watching Jeremy walk down the revolving runway on this week’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model.”  He’s the kind of young guy I see at my gym who spends his entire workout staring at himself in the mirror.  He believes that his definition of sexy is the same as everyone else’s definition of sexy.  Unfortunately, the only person he’s turning on is himself.  He’s an asexual robot: an autoerotic automaton.

I’m not the only person who has realized that Jeremy isn’t a model.  The judging panel had him in the bottom two this week, just a tenth–of-a-point higher than Mike, who was eliminated this week.  Don’t get me wrong: I like Jeremy.  I like Mike, too.  Both of them should stay in Hollywood, take some acting lessons and try to get jobs playing cops on procedural crime dramas.  But modeling?  I don’t think so!

In other news, my old boss at “Nylon” was a special guest star this week.  I used to hate Marvin Scott Jarrett because he owed me money, but then he paid me back.  To be perfectly honest, my one-year gig at “Nylon” was the best job I ever had.  Back then, the inmates ran the asylum and the magazine was a glorious collaboration between some of the most marginal-yet-brilliant people in the fashion business.  It was THE indie magazine and there was nothing else like it.  I’d kill Kelly Cutrone to get another job like that.  No!  I’d kiss Kelly Cutrone to get another job like that.  That’s much, much worse!

Tyra looked gorgeous at panel in her Peter Pilotto dress and “Valley of the Dolls” hair.  Jourdan got best photo and Chris (the season’s most modelesque contestant) got shit from the panel for not finding the light when the photos in general were lit terribly by the photographer.  You don’t bring along a lighting crew and then blame the models when every shot turns out bad.  The Cobra Snake needs to be eliminated from the competition.

Next week: cross dressing (YAY!) and Perez Hilton (BOO!) . . .

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Written by Post Author

August 25, 2013 at 3:15 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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