Hooray for Anya!
It’s the news I’ve been waiting to hear! Adorable Anya from last season of America’s Next Top Model has been signed at Elite.
With the fall shows just weeks away, I guess we’ll find out soon enough if she’s going to be a real model or just a Top Model.
And we have a winner!
Of course Anya didn’t technically win America’s Next Top Model Cycle 10, but she did win the competition. She wasn’t in the bottom two once. She won more challenges than any other girl. She proved herself to be both modelesque and a lovely human being with an incredibly genuine demeanor.
Meanwhile, Whitney was in the bottom two four times. She posed with the same slack-jawed, stiff expression in almost every shot, and she spent more time being criticized for being fake than any other contestant in the history of the show.
To me, that makes Anya the clear winner. I’ll buy whatever she’s selling. The girl is the loveliest creature who has ever graced ANTM with her presence.
The Fiercee Awards
The moment I’d been waiting for finally arrived today! The Fiercee Awards were presented during a very special episode of The Tyra Banks Show.
Highlights of the show included America’s Next Top Model makeup artist Sutan as the fierce Miss Fiercee (take that, Rumer Willis), and the marble-mouthed teleprompter stylings of Jaslene. Next year I want to see a big production number at the beginning and a touching tribute to those dead top models who have made our lives so much richer.
Here’s a list of the nominees and winners.
Biggest Makeover Meltdown presented by Saleisha C9 and CariDee C7.
WINNER: Jaeda C7. Also nominated: Bianca C9 and Jade C6.
Craziest Phone Call presented by Jaslene C8 and Nicole C5.
WINNER: Natasha C8. Also nominated: Shandi C2.
Worst Walks and Wipe Outs presented by April C2 and Heather C9.
WINNER: Norelle C3. Also nominated: Rebecca C4 and Jael C8.
Most Dramatic Exit presented by Diana C8 and Camille C2.
WINNER: Kimberly C10. Also nominated Ebony C9 and Jade C6.
Ugliest Cry presented by Keenyah C4 and Jenah C9.
WINNER: Joanie C6. Also nominated: Shandi C2 and Jael C8.
Lifetime Achievement Award presented by Tyra Banks.
WINNER: Toccara C3.
Honorary Award: Most Dramatic Transformation presented by Tyra Banks.
WINNER: Shandi C2.
Stiff as a Stiff
Or is it stiff as a board? Bored as a board works, too. Whatever the case, Whitney is hands down the dullest contestant left in the competition.
On last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model, the photo shoot was supposed to depict a 50s-era actress encountering the paparazzi. I guess that Whitney would try to escape the shutterbugs by standing in place with her jaw relaxed and her lips slightly parted, like in every other shot she’s taken so far in the competition.
I have the feeling that she’s going to win now. I really didn’t think that the sheer horror of last year’s winner would be eclipsed so soon, but what do I know? I liked Dominique, after all.
Anyway, back to Whitney. I do believe that she’s a horrible model. Her CoverGirl commercial made CariDee’s performance from a few years back look like an episode of Masterpiece Theater. Her walk suffers terribly because she tilts her pelvis too far forward in an attempt to pretend that she doesn’t have a bigger ass than the other girls. She takes criticism like a big baby and then talks more smack than anyone else in her confessionals. In reality show terms, she’s this season’s bitch.
Hopefully, Tyra will decide that she’s not the sort of role model that would do the franchise justice. But there’s a fat chance of that happening! I believe that the road to a token plus-size winner has already been paved by a few dozen very special episodes of The Tyra Banks Show.
Oh well. I guess I should be happy when the modeling world becomes a little more inclusive. I just hope that sometime in the future things change enough so that someone who looks like Marvita can win this (or any other) modeling competition.
The Fiercee Awards are almost here!
I happened to turn on the TV this afternoon just in time to see a commercial for The Fiercee Awards. When I interviewed CariDee a couple of weeks ago, she told me that they were going to be a lot of fun. However, I forgot to ask her when the show would air. I was afraid that I might miss them due to my glamorous, jet-setting lifestyle.
Anyway, the show will air a week from today on Wednesday, May 14th. I can’t wait! I haven’t been this excited since T-Zone was shut down during a rabies scare that eventually proved to be a prank. I wonder if they ever discovered the identity of the anonymous tipster who called the cops? Heh heh heh . . .
Dominique models through it . . .
I posted this photo from last week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model to prove a point: Dominique is pretty.
I’ll admit it: I’ve made the tranny jokes, too. Still, trannies often make the best models. The fierce background models in the Homeless photo shoot were transgendered. The House of Ninja brought its fair share of gender non-specific models along to the posing challenge. And then there’s Ms. Jay him/herself. This show loves its trannies!
Now I don’t believe that Dominique is a man, nor do I believe that she ever has been a man. She just has that je ne sais quois that trannies have. When the camera is on her, she’s fabulosity personified.
I went through her portfolio this morning, just to have a look at her body of work, and I was surprised by how much I liked it. In fact, except for Anya’s book, Dominique has the strongest photos of the remaining contestants. What’s even more impressive is that she’s still trying hard to win ANTM while many of her competitors are falling apart.
I don’t believe that she’s pretty all of the time. In many candid shots, I’m nearly blinded by her appearance. But when it comes to the challenges, Dominique has earned her place in the top four on ANTM. And just look how gorgeous she looks in the photo I posted. Sure, it’s a little blurry, but she does have terrific bone structure, especially when her face is relaxed.
I’m not going to deny that she can look scary sometimes, but I’d rather see a hundred Dominiques in the house than one more Kimberley who doesn’t want to be there, or one more Lauren who can’t figure out what it takes to stay there.
I guess it goes to show you that beauty is a state of mind. When the camera is on her, Dominique believes that she is beautiful. Like Furonda before her, she’s starting to make a believer out of me, too.
“Crap, crap, crap, CoverGirl!”
Oh, Lauren! You just had to get sent home, didn’t you? At least you got to say “Crap, crap, crap, CoverGirl!” before you left. Maybelline owes you a favor now. I’ll make a couple of calls and see what I can do.
I actually didn’t think Lauren was going home until Tyra handed Whitney her photo on last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model. For some strange reason, I kept thinking back to CariDee’s CoverGirl commercial in Spanish. Lauren may have been awkward, but CariDee was downright scary — much like Dominique was in her commercial.
Holy Zob! Could Dominique be the surprise winner?
I actually do like Dominique. I laughed out loud when Gai Mattiolo said that she didn’t look “fresh.” The girl has a lot of spirit, though, and she seems to try a lot harder than most of the contestants on this show (she’s this season’s Furonda). And we all know that you can’t spell Tyra without t-r-y and an A for effort! That’s one of the lessons I learned at T-Zone when I infiltrated the camp for a tell-all exposé. The camp counsellors would chain us to our bunks and make us repeat that slogan over and over and over again before our dinner of cold celery broth and the week-old Olive Garden breadsticks they would find at the bottom of Tyra’s tote bag.
Anyway, Dominique gets an A from me. It’ll go well with her X and Y chromosomes. She can start a collection.
Rome, if you want to…
Last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model almost had it all! Fatima was nearly disqualified because she didn’t have her travel documents in order. Lauren almost cut her thumb off. Anya won another challenge and pissed off the rest of the girls when she was paid $10,000 for a modeling job. Whitney got told to cut the pageant performance. Katarzyna was finally seen in a confessional. And best of all, Stacy Ann was shown the door – finally!
However, the episode was missing one crucial element. When Tyra announced that the remaining girls would be traveling to Rome, she simply got on a plane, and that was that.
What happened to this show? I was expecting her to be dressed as a pizza chef — or maybe as a pizza — while delivering the news of the upcoming trip in a butchered Italian accent. Or maybe she could have pretended to be Anita Ekberg in La Dolce Vita, or Sophia Loren, or Cicciolina, or Mussolini. Perhaps she could have dressed as one of the Super Mario Bros. and been chased around the set by Donkey Kong. Something would have been better than nothing.
Don’t tell me that this show is attempting to cultivate some good taste. After nine-and-a-half train-wreck seasons, that’s something I wouldn’t be able to bear.
They Made a Mistake
They made a mistake. What other reason did they have for getting rid of Marvita so early in the season?
I watched the mid-season clip show on America’s Next Top Model last night. There were a few revelations that surprised me. Stacy-Ann won’t say no to a free bottle of vodka. Katarzyna now seems like the apparent winner to me, since they’ve been ignoring her all season — especially during the clip show. Dominique is an inspiration to self-deluded people everywhere. Whitney’s old hair was better than her new hair. Kimberly was the worst contestant in the history of the show. I could go on all day!
However, the thing that made me miss Marvita the most was her guitar. I’ll be first in line to download the song about Anya taking a shower when it debuts on iTunes.
I don’t know what the judges were thinking when they let Marvita go. Maybe Stacy-Ann is going to turn into a mean-spirited drunk, like Sue Ellen on Dallas, and the editors have been keeping it secret. That would be the only thing that would make me forgive them for giving the girl with the biggest personality the boot for “losing her spark.”
America’s Next Top Actress
Last night I had the pleasure of attending a forum for the Psoriasis Education Program called Loud and Clear with CariDee. After the forum wrapped up, the winner of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 7 met with fans to shoot the breeze (easy, breezy and beautifully, of course).
I was amongst the autograph hounds lined up to meet CariDee — not as a fan (although she is my favorite winner), but as a crack reporter. Auntie Fashion asks the tough questions that everyone else is afraid to ask.
When I questioned CariDee about the upcoming Fiercee Awards, she was taken off guard. “How do you know about that?” she asked me. I explained that I know everything worth knowing, and she accepted that like any rational person would do. She also told me that the Fiercee Awards are going to air on an upcoming Tyra episode where several of the ANTM contestants are going to get what’s coming to them. I can’t wait!
Then I asked CariDee the question that no reporter has been courageous enough to ask: Was she the one responsible for “Smellrose”, undoubtedly the best nickname in ATNM history? “No, that would be Jaeda,” she replied. However, I’m not completely sure that I believed her because she was doing that thing where her eyes dart upward, like she did in her Spanish CoverGirl commercial.
Anyhow, the highlight of the evening was when my friend asked CariDee to reenact the triumphant moment when she won ANTM and hugged Melrose. CariDee committed to the scene like a trouper and the result is the priceless photo I posted above. Give the girl an Oscar!
