Auntie Fashion

Fat Boy

The most prestigious new event on the global fashion calendar has been postponed.

Scheduled to debut the week after Paris Fashion Week from October 15-22, Moose Jaw Fashion Week has been delayed for “various reasons” according to event organizer Prunella Crudsworth.

“First of all, the economy is terrible.  Saskatchewan may be rolling in the dough, but it’s going to be a while before the rest of the world can afford to visit Canada’s Glamour Capital again.  And there’s also this overweight cat named Fat Boy living at the Moose Jaw Humane Society who is hogging all the headlines,” Crudsworth tells Auntie Fashion.  “How can anyone compete with press like that?”

“What’s worse,” adds Crudsworth, “is that I’m headed to Las Vegas on October 22 with the muse of MJFW, Marjie Withajay, and her evil sister, Tatie-Pie Susko.”

Promising to reschedule the event in 2013, Crudsworth remains optimistic about the future of MJFW and her new recession-proof business plan.  “I’ve taken all the money I’ve collected from investors so far and I’m going to double it on the slot machines.  Your old Auntie is feeling lucky!”

Evan Biddell

Okay, I haven’t even got around to reviewing the Louis Vuitton show — traditionally my most-scathing review of any given season — and LG Toronto Fashion Week is already here.  I can’t keep up!  How am I going to stage Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 when just watching shows online is already too much for me?

Anyway, Evan Biddell unofficially opened LGFW with a show in desperate need of an edit.  There were definite highlights and interesting silhouettes.  The outfit in the photo above stood out because it was so unexpected.  The tablecloth fabric of the skirt was curiously attractive, and the detail on the hem made it seem even more special.  But the swimsuits put me off the deep end.  Hard and ugly, they reminded me of something I’d see on a “Rock of Love” rerun.  And the one swimsuit I did find to be quietly beautiful had a funny bit of folded fabric riding up the model’s crotch.  Yikes!

Besides a few shining moments that reminded me of why I like Evan Biddell in the first place, there just wasn’t much to love or to loathe.  Oh well!  I’ve still got Greta Constantine to savage.  I just know I’m going to hate it — I always do!

Art Linkletter

I was saddened to read that Art Linkletter passed away today.  For anyone who doesn’t know who he was, Linkletter was the Ryan Seacrest of his day.  More important than that however, he was the most famous person ever to be born in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

So now that makes Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 muse Marjie Withajay the world’s most-famous living person who was born in Moose Jaw.

Once she gets stops grieving and this news sinks in she’s going to be incorrigible.  This is going to go straight to her head.

Ricky Martin

Stop the presses!  Ricky Martin is gay!

Although this news won’t come as a surprise to most of us, it will be truly devastating to Tatie-Pie Susko, the evil sister of Moose Jaw Fashion Week muse Marjie Withajay.  Although Tatie-Pie is married to west-coast donut magnate Rojando, she’s spent the last decade or so pining over the pop star and dreaming of the day when Martin would rescue her from her drab, humdrum life.  Meanwhile, Marjie’s been peeling potatoes and washing the skid marks out of Rojando’s underpants, waiting for a moment when Tatie-Pie would became distracted, eager to escape from the shackles of her cruel oppressor.

That moment has arrived.  Run Marjie — run like the wind!  Moose Jaw is calling you, and this may be your only chance to get away.  Run!

Western Canada Fashion Week

In a thinly-veiled attempt to capitialize upon the inevitable success of Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012, the event formerly known as Edmonton Fashion Week has been renamed Western Canada Fashion Week.

While it’s nearly impossible to comprehend anything dulling the luster of Moose Jaw Fashion Week, I guess I can’t blame the organizers of this event for trying to catch a ride on my coattails.  I’m Auntie Fashion, after all.  If Karl Lagerfeld knocked up Anna Wintour, the baby wouldn’t have a fraction of my je ne sais quois.  And although Edmonton is undeniably Canada’s second-most glamorous city, no one has ever called it Canada’s Glamour Capital.  That distinction belongs to Moose Jaw alone.

I suppose that other prairie cities will be trying to get a piece of the action as 2012 draws nearer and nearer.  It won’t surprise me if Flin Flon tries to get in on the action next season.  Flin Flon, as everyone in-the-know already knows, is the birthplace of street style and all urban trends.  While a Flin Flon Fashion Week would provide an interesting counterpoint to Moose Jaw Fashion Week, it would always be the homely little sister of the premiere event, trying too hard to be edgy and alternative just to spite it’s big sister — sort of like Ashlee Simpson-Wentz.

But I digress!  The organizers of Western Canada Fashion Week have scored a coup by coaxing Joeffer Caoc to show in Edmonton.  I suppose there was some blackmail involved, or perhaps Caoc just grew weary of Robin Kay calling him “Joeffer Fresh” backstage.  At any rate, it’s exciting to see an established Canadian designer showing in a city other than Montreal or Toronto.  I’ve even extended an invitation to Joeffer to be interviewed by me in order to lend some credence to the event.  I can’t imagine that he’ll pass up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I do occasionally face rejection from people who are intimidated by my legendary status and blinding glamour.  I’ll guess I’ll have to wait and see if he responds.

EDITED TO ADD: Someone from Joeffer Caoc’s headquarters emailed me this morning to let me know that the designer is not showing his F/W 2010 collection in Edmonton.  Although he might include a few sneak peeks of upcoming looks, the runway presentation is not intended to highlight the designer’s upcoming collection, as implied in the promotional material printed in The Edmonton Journal.

Gareth Pugh

Paris Fashion Week is here!  You know what that means?  In three years — give or take a day — Moose Jaw Fashion Week will take the place of the event.  I’m sure you’re saying to yourself “Why would designers who could show in Paris choose to show in Moose Jaw instead?”  It’s simple.  After the couture shows, everyone is tired of Paris.  How many times can you watch a smelly wino in a striped shirt and a beret ride past the Eiffel Tower on his bike with a baguette under his arm before you scream “Enough!”?

Anyway, Gareth Pugh opened Paris Fashion Week with a show that let me down a little.  While some outfits were brilliant because they gave us what we expect from the designer, others seemed to reach toward a more-commercial client with looks that weren’t as well-executed as their more ridiculous counterparts.  Take the pants on the model above: They’re not particularly well-fitted because the designer choose a fabric that didn’t lend itself to such a pedestrian garment.  This is the sort of mistake that would have Michael Kors ripping a contestant a new one on “Project Runway.”

Pugh is an exceptional talent.  This is the first time I’ve seen him do anything that made me believe that he can’t do everything.  I wouldn’t even have mentioned these nitpicking details if I hadn’t read that he’s eager to do a diffusion line.  It makes me wonder if his strengths lie entirely in couture?  Perhaps the press is pushing him into ready-to-wear before he’s ready-to-produce first-rate work.

It’s something to think about, anyway.

FASHION

Although I haven’t received an official endorsement of Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 from FASHION Magazine’s Susie Sheffman, I’ll take this recent project of hers as nod of approval from the fashion director.

I hope to see Susie dressed just as glamorously when she visits Canada’s Glamour Capital for the first time.  Although I don’t believe that we’ll be indulging in a lot of hunting or fishing during the event, I suppose it’s a good idea to be prepared.  I’d think twice about wearing Marc by Marc Jacobs, though.  Bears can smell garbage from miles away.

Fashion’s Night Out takes place this Thursday, September 10, in all five boroughs of NYC.  Watch the video to learn more about the event and the industry that it’s supporting.  I discovered a few things when I watched it.  For instance, the fashion industry pays out roughly $10 billion in wages to New Yorkers every year.  That’s almost as much as the combined wages of the celebrities who appear in the video.  Wow!

I wish I was going, but I’ve got plans.  Perhaps some of the girls from FASHION Magazine are flying down in Ceri Marsh’s private jet to attend the event.  I’ll have to get them to report back to me when they get home.  I’d ask them to send me live updates via Twitter, but we all know that it’s nearly impossible to text with a cocktail in each hand.

I suppose I could take a cue from this event and start my own “night out” to support Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012.  I could even make my own video from the floor of the Town ‘n’ Country Mall.  I’ve already started writing the dialogue in my head: “Did you know that the fashion industry in Moose Jaw pays out more than $10 in wages every year . . . ?”

Coors Light Billboard

Controversy has erupted over this hilarious billboard that Molson Coors has pulled from BC after receiving complaints (click the link above to read the whole story from the Vancouver Sun).

I’ve never found the residents of Toronto to be particularly warm, but on the other hand I can say the same thing about metro Vancouver, where some of these billboards were located.  It’s not the friendliest place in Canada, either.

That distinction most definitely belongs to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.  Unfortunately, there’s no room to paint that particular slogan on the signs leading into Moose Jaw because it’s already been named “Canada’s Glamour Capital.”  I suppose they’re already building colossal new signs to greet visitors in anticipation of Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012.

Hey, that gives me an idea for a new Coors Light billboard.  What if one of them read “Colder than Rita Silvan’s icy stare at the back of  Ceri Marsh’s well-coiffed head as she takes her seat one row behind her nemesis at the opening night of Moose Jaw Fashion Week”?

Maybe they’ll need two billboards . . .

Dear Auntie Fashion:

Perhaps I’ve been watching “Harper’s Island” too much, but the idea that the killer is using secret tunnels to move around the island unnoticed has made me paranoid.  Moose Jaw also sits above a network of secret tunnels.  Are you trying to get the crème de la crème of the fashion world to descend upon my hometown for Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 so that you can murder them all?

Suspicious in Saskatchewan

Dear Suspicious;

Dear Zob in Heaven, no!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to send off this handwritten invitation to Marc Jacobs.

Love and kisses,

Auntie Fashion