Posts Tagged ‘Tyra’
Smize on the Prize
Fear. Elation. Excitement. Bewilderment. Hunger. These are only some of the sensations that Tyra Banks likely felt when Oprah Winfrey announced that she would be leaving her daily talk show sometime in 2011.
While I’m excited that Tyra can now set her smize on the prize — Oprah does possess the largest audience of any daytime talk show — I’m also fearful, elated, excited, bewildered and hungry when I think about another season of “America’s Next Top Model” and how this news might affect the greatest show in the history of television. If Tyra sets her smize on becoming the next queen of daytime, will ANTM suffer as a result? Will she choose one show over the other?
Dear Zob in heaven! I don’t even want to think of what it would be like to live in a world without ANTM.
“Bloody Eyeball” is America’s Next Top Model
Nicole “Bloody Eyeball” Fox was crowned America’s Next Top Model on last night’s season finale. Beating out Laura Kirkpatrick, Nicole provided what might be the most-credible result in half-a-dozen cycles of the show.
It’s delightful to look at all the positive press that ANTM is getting this morning. Will choosing a winner that the fans were rooting for inspire Tyra and company to cast more genuinely modelesque girls in upcoming cycles? Probably not. We all know that Tyra occupies a universe quite unlike the one that the rest of us inhabit. This is most likely an abberation; a singularity in the space/time continuum. Every fiber of my being is sensing another Tootie-like winner for Cycle 14.
You know I’ll be watching anyway. No matter how hard I try, I can’t turn away.
In a Top Model first . . .
In what seemed like a Top Model first, Tyra Banks put the two girls with the best portfolios into the final on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model.”
You have to go back at least half-a-dozen cycles to encounter a similar situation. CariDee and Smellrose took some great photos in Cycle 7, and Danielle and Joanie certainly earned their places in the finale of Cycle 6.
So even though it wasn’t really a first, in the context of some of the more recent cycles, it was completely unexpected. With no Tootie or Whitney in the finals, Tyra might have just won back some of her former viewers by choosing a deserving and likeable top two.
I suppose I’m still rooting for Laura, although I’ve grown to adore Nicole. I’m going to go out on a limb by choosing Laura for the win, because in the final shot of the preview for next week she looks spectacular on the runway — and not just by ANTM standards. I wish I had a screencap of the shot, because then I’d be able to illustrate why I believe she’s got this in the bag. Not since Yoanna’s beauty shot in Cycle 2 has an image of a contestant made me gasp like I did when I saw the scenes from next week.
After thirteen seasons, I wasn’t sure that this show could still do that to me. It may not have been a Top Model first, but it sure felt like it.
Never on a Sundai
Much to my surprise, Sundai was sent home on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model.”
In a previous post, I compared her to Furonda, who also was eliminated from the show in fifth place. However, the two girls were polar opposites. Furonda was a photogenic girl who possessed all the skills necessary to win ANTM, except that she looked nothing like a model in person. Sundai may have been the most telegenic girl in the competition, but she was also the least photogenic girl of the season. Her portfolio was terrible.
For some reason, though, I thought that she was headed for the final two. Previous horrible winners such as Tootie and Whitney skated on thin ice with horrible portfolios for the entire competition, so why not Sundai?
Anyway, I’m quite pleased with the final four. My favorite, Laura, is still around, and I’ve become quite a fan of Nicole. I could deal with Erin making it to the final two because she’s got the skills and a competitive spirit, and I actually liked Jennifer’s CoverGirl commercial enough to accept her as a finalist without reservation.
Dear Zob in heaven, is it true? Has Tyra actually assembled a credible top four?
What do you think of this season’s finalists?
The TyraScope: Addison Gill
Casting Special Comments: “Do I look at Addison and say ‘Now there’s a Top Model?’ No. Do I look at Addison and say ‘Now there’s a girl who I can make cry during a photoshoot?’ Yes!”
Obstacles to Overcome: A crippling, paralyzing fear of the screech monkeys which figure prominently in several of her season’s photo shoots and in the final runway challenge.
Probable Edit: Addison’s youthful complexion and girlish figure will likely hamper her performance in the competition. Unless she starts smoking and tanning immediately, she’s headed for an early exit.
Elimination Order: 10th place.
1 + 1 = 0
Math whiz Brittany was eliminated on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model,” despite a terrific portfolio, leaving Nicole, Laura, Jennifer, Erin and Sundai in the competition.
After watching the show, I visited the ANTM page on Wikipedia in order to refresh my memory regarding former final-five finalists. I couldn’t recall if a contestant as weak as Sundai has ever made it this far in the competition.
The verdict: Sundai is the worst top-five contestant in ANTM history.
I like Sundai, but except for beating everyone in a foot race through Wal-Mart, she hasn’t done anything to justify her place in the competition. At least Cycle 12’s terribly-unphotogenic Aminat showed up at panel looking like a glamazon, making it difficult for the judges to dismiss her based upon her portfolio. Cycle 4’s Keenyah brought the drama, along with a major weight gain, keeping her around when better models were cast aside. Even Cycle 6’s Furonda — widely regarded as the least-modelesque contestant in the history of ANTM — turned out some of the cycle’s best photos and an impromptu CoverGirl commercial that still rivals the scripted efforts of many of the show’s finalists.
Unlike these girls, Sundai hasn’t done anything. She is not a model, Tyra. Every moment that she remains in the competition makes me question not only your judgement, but also your math skills. How can someone who has done nothing positive still have a positive balance sheet?
Maybe you need to refer this one to your accountants.
The TyraScope: Coco Rocha
Casting Special Comments: “When I first saw Coco, I wasn’t sure if I saw a top model, or if I saw just another girl with good cheekbones relying on what her mama and daddy gave her.”
Obstacles to Overcome: Being born in Canada, Coco has faced a lifetime of adversity, including an addiction to poutine and a pathetic, desperate crush on Wayne Gretzky.
Probable Edit: After struggling to learn her angles, Coco’s climb to the top of the pack is cut short when the judges discern a lack of commercial appeal in the US market during a “tasteful, yet nude” photo shoot on the White House lawn.
Elimination Order: 3rd place.
The TyraScope
I love Tyra. We have that sort of relationship, however, where I feel as if need to pester her incessantly until she notices me. It’s like a schoolboy crush, and I want to dip her pigtails in the inkwell. Wait a minute — that’s a rather outdated analogy. How about this? It’s like I want to pour beer in her weave so that she can call me a “stank ho.” At least then she’ll know I’m alive.
Anyway, I was thinking about what Tyra would do if she was asked to evaluate some genuine top models using the same sort of criteria that she uses when acting as a judge on “America’s Next Top Model.” And that’s when I came up with the TyraScope.
I’ll be putting various supermodels under the TyraScope in order to speculate how they would fare if they were cast as contestants on ANTM. It’s all in good fun, and not endorsed by Tyra Banks . . . yet.
Resting on Handsome
Even though I had picked her as my pre-season favorite (based on early publicity photos), I wasn’t surprised to see Kara eliminated on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model.” She had a couple of great photos (including the one posted above), but she didn’t appear to be learning anything during the competition.
Tyra was right when she told Kara that she was resting on pretty, or resting on the DNA, or resting on handsome, or whatever she said. I can’t keep track with Tyra’s lingo du jour lately. One episode it’s fierce, then it’s tension, then it’s smize, etc. Soon she’ll be able to publish her own dictionary. Perhaps that’s been her plan all along.
Another interesting development saw a sixth girl to the right of Tyra eliminated from the group publicity shot (click the link above to see the group photo just above the photo of Kara). I began speculating about the group photo a few weeks back. I was way off with my predictions, but now I realize that only one girl to the right of Tyra remains in the competition: Rae. I suppose that she’s doomed now.
More clues about the outcome of this season might be gleaned from the group shot fadeout that appears at the end of each episode. Only Laura and Nicole remain mostly covered-up with the photos of the other girls. I remember a very similar situation developing with the fadeout photo when Joanie and Danielle made the final two during the sixth cycle of the show. If that’s where this season is headed, it could be one of the best finales in the history of ANTM. Either girl could take the title and I’d be thrilled.
I suppose I’ve just jinxed both of them. I should shut up before the cosmos decides to play a cruel joke on me by making Jennifer and Sundai the final two. Consider it done.
Resting on Scratchy
I’m certainly not the first blogger to write about United Bamboo’s 2010 calender, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t include this photo on my blog.
It makes me dream of a day when Tyra Banks runs out of gimmicks on “America’s Next Top Model” and turns to an all-cat cycle to boost ratings. I can just hear her now: “Mittens started out so strongly in the competition, but I’m afraid that she’s just resting on scratchy now.”
