Posts Tagged ‘Wear a Gown to Work Day’
It’s Wear a Gown to Work Day
Wear a Gown to Work Day is finally here!
The sun has just come up where I live, but in the Far East the work day is already over. For that reason, I’m expecting to turn on the morning news to watch footage of the most glamorous holiday in the history of civilization. Will more than a billion people wear gowns in China alone? Why do I even ask? Of course they will!
I’m really more concerned about what they’re wearing in London. As you may already know, this year Wear a Gown to Work Day went global with the appointment of this year’s celebrity spokesperson, the ”Pride of the UK,” Annaliese Dayes. I wanted the event to have an English flavor, like a Cornish pasty or a Samantha Fox song.
Anyway, if I don’t start slithering into my Paco Rabanne dress soon, I’m not going to make it to work. We’ll catch up on all the glamour later!
Wear a Gown to Work Day is Tomorrow
Gina Rinehart & Queen Elizabeth
The day we’ve all been waiting for is finally here!
Tomorrow, May 25, 2012, is Wear a Gown to Work Day. While I’m still not sure what I’m going to wear, I know that many of you have already picked out your dresses. Still, I imagine that there are some people out there who don’t believe that Wear a Gown to Work Day is for them. Say that you’re the richest woman in the world, for instance, and your idea of dressing up means slipping a tunic-style top over a pair of leggings. Well, why not choose a gown instead of a tunic. No one will even see the leggings so you won’t even have to abandon your fashion comfort zone! Or say that you’re the monarch of the world’s most well-known royal family. Don’t let that stop you from putting on a gown, even if you only plan to walk around your palace all afternoon, wondering what it would be like if you could still behead commoners on command.
I figure that I’ve spent enough time trying to reach out to that homely girl who works in a bank in Green Bay, Wisconsin, or to that recent immigrant to the land-of-plenty whose questionable grasp of the English language still hasn’t stopped her from ascending to the rank of assistant manager at the Dairy Queen. It’s time that I acknowledged that Wear a Gown to Work Day is a fashion equalizer for both rich and poor, pretty and ugly, non-Wisconsinite and Wisconsinite alike. I started this occasion to bring glamour into everyone’s lives — not just the lives of the hideous and downtrodden.
Yes, I’m a giver. You don’t have to thank me . . .
Wear a Gown to Work Day is This Week!
Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge
With only a few days to go until the arrival of Wear a Gown to Work Day, I shouldn’t have to remind anyone that the most glamorous holiday in the history of civilization arrives this Friday, May 25. But for those of you who have been busy attending events such as the British Olympic Team Gala, you may have been distracted by the self-importance of those occasions. In that case, I forgive you. How can my little grassroots holiday compete with so much pomp and splendor?
Well, it can’t, really. But one day in the not-too-distant future, Wear a Gown to Work Day is going to rival all other holidays in importance. There will come a time when your gown-clad grandchildren will ask you what you wore for the occasion, and they’ll stare at you in disbelief as you attempt to explain to them why you didn’t participate in the festivities. And then they’ll cry themselves to sleep after praying to Zob to spare Grandma and Grandpa from the eternal flames of damnation for their heretical ways.
So if you can’t wear a gown for me, do it for the children. You’ve got three days . . .
Wear a Gown to Work Day: Now with a Celebrity Spokesperson
With only eight days to go until the arrival of most glamorous holiday in the history of civilization, I suppose it’s time to announce this year’s celebrity spokesperson for Wear a Gown to Work Day. It’s the gorgeous Annaliese Dayes of “America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion.” What started as a simple idea I had while walking through the prom section at Sears has now become an international event, and Annaliese has agreed to become the first Wear a Gown to Work Day celebrity spokesperson who isn’t an American man in a dress.
Of course, Annaliese and I go waaaaay back. I first met her while I was a camp counsellor at ZobZone and she was just another homely kid on a journey of fierce self-discovery. It was back then, during a performance of “H.M.S. Pinafore“ when I realized that Annaliese had a certain je ne sais quois — only more Englishy. I convinced her to permanently adopt a British accent and to move to the UK to seek her fame and fortune — and look her now! Not bad for a kid from Beaver, Oklahoma!
Anyway, I want to thank Annaliese for taking on this massive responsibility. It’s not easy being a glamour icon. If anyone should know that, it’s your dear, old Auntie Fashion.
Auntie Fashion: I thought that you would be the perfect celebrity spokesperson for Wear a Gown to Work Day 2012 on May 25 after I saw you branded as “Excite-to-Buy” on “America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion.” How are you planning on selling Wear a Gown to Work Day to the rest of the world?
Annaliese: “Excite-to-Buy” is supposed to mean that I could sell ice to an eskimo, so in theory selling Wear a Gown to Work Day should be a piece of cake (or a piece of ice, depending how you look at it!). I mean everyone is entitled to feel like a glamorous, sexy being at work, even if it is for just one day, and even if their job doesn’t require or allow it. If you feel good, you look good and perform fabulously! That’s got to be an incentive for bosses around the work to get on board.
Auntie Fashion: I don’t want to ask you too much about the show because I’m sure you’ve got a thousand interviews lined up already. As the official worldwide ambassadrix of gown-wearing, though, it must have been heart-wrenching showing up to panel in those goofy Union Jack shirts while Tyra Banks stood in front of you in a gown, mocking your gownlessness. How were you able to get through that?
Annaliese: Oh wow, don’t even get me started about the those damn awful T-shirts! At the first panel when they insisted we wear those tacky, patriotic, ill-shaped shirts we were mad. I personally was seeing red (or maybe union jack blue). Every week we kept our hopes up that we wouldn’t have to wear them, but it became apparent that Tyra (or more so production) enjoyed mocking our gownlessness. So we had to work with it the only way we knew how, and that was to style them up and accessorise them to the max! I think we Brits were actually really good at it, adding blazers, jewelry and all round British swag.
Auntie Fashion: With all apologies to the eternally glamorous RuPaul and the incomparable Pandora Boxx, you’re the first official celebrity spokesperson for Wear a Gown to Work Day to have a vagina. You’re also the first celebrity spokesperson to represent the event who doesn’t live in the USA. Which milestone means more to you: having a vagina or being British?
Annaliese: While I am quite a big fan of my vagina. I would have to say that being British is the more important milestone for me. We Brits may not be known for our fabulous teeth, but when it comes to style, I think we’ve got it covered.
Auntie Fashion: You really have a terrific, athletic body. I should ask you how you keep in shape, but there’s something else I need to know. With the 2012 Summer Olympic Games headed to London, are you planning on lobbying the International Olympic Committee on my behalf to include gown wearing as an official demonstration sport for the 2016 Games in Rio de Janeiro? Would you consider competing?
Annaliese: Well I’ll give you a treat and answer both questions. I was a gymnast for ten years and while I may have lost most of flexibility, my athletic body has remained, despite the copious amounts of not-so-healthy food that I consume. And of course I’m planning on lobbying. I’ve already got the petition ready to go! We all know that a ball gown is not the easiest thing to get into or strut around in, and in my eyes that makes it qualify as an Olympic sport! Not too sure I’d be up for competing, though. I am horrifically good at tripping over my own feet!
Auntie Fashion: Now there’s always someone out there saying “Dear Zob in heaven, how can I participate in Wear a Gown to Work Day when I don’t even own a gown?” What do you say to that gownless girl in Green Bay, Wisconsin, who doesn’t believe that Wear a Gown to Work Day is for her because she usually spends most Casual Fridays at the bank where she work dressed in the sort of one-armed, one-legged unitards that Shakira prefers to wear? Can you offer her a few words of encouragement?
Annaliese: I’d say that you gotta be creative. Gowns are everywhere; you just have look a little closer and possibly tilt your head to the side. Grab a bed sheet or a curtain and wrap that fabric around you like you mean it! The Grecian Goddess look is totally in style and totally accessible for all. It’s also very forgiving on those lumps and bumps that we may want to hide!
Happy Mother’s Day
Perhaps I made a mistake when I chose the last Friday in May to launch Wear a Gown to Work Day; I’m facing stiff competition from all the other unnecessary holidays and observances in May. Do we really need a Mother’s Day?
Speaking of mothers, mine is an Aries, like that other legendary mother, Joan Crawford. Now if there was ever anyone who knew how to wear a gown to work, it was Joan Crawford. Check her out in this gorgeous number by Adrian in “Letty Lynton.” Now there’s something I wouldn’t store on a wire hanger!
Anyway, I’m going to look into having Mother’s Day moved to another month, along with Memorial Day, Victoria Day in Canada, Cinco de Mayo and Stevie Nicks‘ birthday. I’m not getting half the attention I deserve and it’s really starting to bother me. After four years, Wear a Gown to Work Day should be bigger than Christmas. I blame all the other holidays. I also blame all Aries natives, including my mother. In fact, I blame all of you. You’ve let me down. There is still time to turn this around, though . . .
Wear a Gown to Work Day is Only Two Weeks Away
Well, I haven’t been able to publish my interview with this year’s Wear a Gown to Work Day official celebrity spokesperson because she/he has signed a confidentially agreement with another media titan that is in force for a few more days. The moment that gig is up, the interview will be up.
In the meantime, let me take a moment to encourage those of you who have never worn a gown to work to take part in this year’s festivities. Say that you’re working around farm equipment and you don’t want to wear a gown because you believe that the dangly bits might get caught up in the thresher. Well then choose a sleek gown with no dangly bits, like the uncomplicated gown that Mary-Kate Olsen wore to this week’s Met Gala. She never lets a gown get in the way of her job, anyway, although I suppose that you could wear almost anything when you’re eating billy goats under a bridge for a living . . .
But I digress! This holiday is about celebrating glamour, not scaring children! So get out and get something glamorous to wear before you’re the only girl in town without a gown. It may not happen this year, it may not happen next year, but as Zob is my witness, I’m going to make this holiday happen!
Second-Hand Gowns Flood eBay
Okay, that’s not true, but I’d love read a headline like that on wwd.com the day after the Met Gala. Instead, I’m going to be reading nothing but boring best- and worst-dressed lists for the next week or two.
Oh well! I guess that shouldn’t stop me from throwing my Schiaparelli shoe hat into the ring. I saw a few lovely gowns on last night’s red carpet. Camilla Belle, whoever that is, looked gorgeous in her Ralph Lauren dress. I’m sick to death of sheer fabrics, but this gown struck a perfect balance between contemporary body-consciousness and Jazz Age elegance.
BeelZoeBub™, on the other hand, should have kept her scrawny arms covered up. Because she’s the world’s most famous stylist, this look (her own design, by the way) begs the question: Since when is a column dress supposed to make you look like a column? A column with a gargoyle sitting on top of it, at that.
I’m normally not a big fan of such over-the-top embellishment, but Scarlett Johansson looks gorgeous in Dolce & Gabbana. Her hair is perfect. Her skin is radiant. Her body is the best in the business. Now I can understand why that certain someone I know chooses to avoid the red carpet entirely. How can anyone compete with that?
And that brings me to Mary-Kate Olsen! Seeing Scarlett Johansson looking like a bombshell in the background of this terrible photo of Olsen is funny, but even funnier when you realize that Johansson is about eighteen months older than Mary-Kate. Forget Ashley Olsen; Mary-Kate looks like Rachel Zoe’s long-lost twin.
My favorite look of the night was Emily Blunt in Calvin Klein Collection. If this photo doesn’t inspire me to get to the gym more often, nothing will! That florid mess next to John Krasinski in the photo is Sarah Jessica Parker in Valentino. I’ve said it a million times before: a woman as handsome as SJP should not be dressing like a fairy princess or an Olivia Hussey ca. 1968 wannabe.
And that’s about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a little work to do before I make a very special announcement. Wear a Gown to Work Day 2012 has an official celebrity spokesperson who will be revealed any day now. Take that, Met Gala!
Pretty in Pink?
Wear a Gown to Work Day is only eighteen days away!
Of course, many of you are distracted by that other annual event where the world’s most stylish women deck themselves out in revealing, strapless concoctions in order to offer the rabble a chance to give them the once-over — and I’m not talking about Melanoma Monday. I’m talking about tonight’s Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala.
Just this morning I read an article claiming that Anna Wintour has requested that all “Vogue” editors show up to the event wearing pink gowns that she has pre-approved. While I would never presume to tell anyone what to wear on Wear a Gown to Work Day, the idea of pre-approving the wardrobe choices of millions of gown-wearers worldwide does intrigue me; I am a paragon of good taste, after all. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that my email inbox could handle a deluge of that magnitude, so I won’t be offering the service — at least not this year.
I don’t suppose I’ll be watching the livestream of the Met Gala red carpet this evening, either, because I’ve got my priorities and “Dancing with the Stars” is on tonight. I’ll catch up on all the red-carpet looks tomorrow morning. Hopefully, there will be a daring ”Vogue” editor in the bunch who shows up in a red dress just to cause a commotion, like Bette Davis in “Jezebel.” Hamish Bowles: I’m looking at you!
Wear a Gown to Work Day is Only Three Weeks Away
Well, your old Auntie is back from Las Vegas where the anticipation for Wear a Gown to Work Day is palpable. Everywhere I went I heard the sound of bells ringing, cocktail glasses clinking together and people squealing with glee as the most important date on the fashion calendar drew nearer. Even the normally staid Las Vegas Boulevard was lit up to celebrate the event. Take that, Met Gala!
Anyway, I’ve almost caught up on my beauty sleep. As soon as I do, I’ll get back to business promoting the only holiday worth celebrating besides my birthday. Whoops! I’m letting my penchant for hyperbole get the best of me again. I mean besides my birthday and Squirrel Appreciation Day . . .
Wear a Gown to Work Day is Only One Month Away
The most exciting day of the year on the fashion calendar is almost here!
Of course, I’m not talking about that snotty Met Gala (which is probably just another front for recruiting unsuspecting celebrities to Scientology, anyway). I’m talking about Wear a Gown to Work Day!
I founded Wear a Gown to Work Day a few years ago when I was walking past a rack of ridiculous prom dresses at a local Sears store. I took one look at the bedazzled, polyester concoctions and said to myself “Dear Mother of Zob! Why do women go to such great lengths to dress up for special occasions?” I suppose that I had already concluded that fashion is either a part of your life or it isn’t; there’s really no point to pretending that you’re a glamourpuss when you know that you’re not.
But a moment later I started to reconsider that conclusion. If I’m going to pretend to be a champion of fashion, I’m going to have to learn to be accepting of all fashion, including special occasion dressing. It’s not up to me to tell anyone when it’s appropriate to wear a gown. Whether it’s prom night, your wedding day, New Year’s Eve or the night of the Met Gala, if wearing a gown makes an occasion special to you, no one should rain on your parade — especially a crotchety old hag like me.
Fashion is frivolous. It’s one of the least important things in our lives. Still, it makes life a lot more enjoyable (and for some of us it makes life worth living). That’s why I dedicated a day to the frivolity of fashion and the most frivolous of all garments: the gown. So remember to wear one to work on Friday, May 25, 2012, whether you’re slinging hash at the local Waffle House or smuggling hash into your local airport. Celebrate the fact that most of us live in a society where we are so blessed that we can actually waste our time wondering what we’re going to wear. We’re so lucky to have fashion in our lives!
