Archive for June 2008
Ask Auntie
Dear Auntie;
If you’re the fashion world’s most enduring muse, why haven’t I ever seen you?
Nonplussed in New Jersey
Dear Nonplussed;
I’ve always tried to avoid cameras. While I was hosting the spirit of Zob, I didn’t age like the rest of you mere mortals. If I stayed in one place, my flawless appearance would eventually arouse suspicion. So I moved around from city to city, inspiring the residents with my divine sense of style and my unfathomable gorgeousness. Wherever I went, the fashion world followed.
You can probably find photos of me if you look around. However, I’m usually the gorgeous woman in the background, wearing dark sunglasses in broad daylight, or with the collar of her trench turned up to conceal her face. I would occasionally get caught by surprise by the paparazzi, and there are few shots of me “improvising” to avoid the cameras. I’d hide behind Nan Kempner’s jewelry, Andy’s Warhol’s entourage, or whatever was handy.
For those individuals who were privileged to become part of my inner circle, my beauty was legendary. That’s why people like Ceri Marsh and Simon Doonan gush over me like I’m some sort of a god: For most of the 20th century, I was. My glorious visage will be fixed in their minds like a flaw in a diamond. They’ll spend the rest of their days wondering if Nature will ever produce another specimen as perfect as Zob. Their only consolation will be knowing that they were given the honor to bask in the glow of my fabulousity.
Love and kisses,
Auntie
My Fair Lady?
Rumor has it that this girl is from Moose Jaw. I’m currently negotiating with her people to make her my official correspondent for Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012. She’s sort of a diamond in the rough, so I feel like Professor Henry Higgins when he first gazed upon Eliza Doolittle.
Whatever the case, she’s perfect for the part. Those legs go on for days! I bet she’s at least 5’10”.
Swell News!
As of today, I’m officially carrying no debt. I’ve got every bill paid off, including a colossal tax bill that has been building for years and years because of the fact that most of my income has come from freelance journalism. Just try paying taxes for yourself when you can be shopping at Holt Renfrew instead.
Anyway, I’m going to save up some dough and go on a vacation. I haven’t been to Las Vegas for a few years, and I’d love to visit the Fred Leighton store in the Bellagio hotel. Last time I was there the lovely sales clerk allowed me to fondle a necklace once owned by silent screen star Theda Bara. For those of you who don’t know who she is, the word “Vamp” entered the lexicon as a word used to describe her. I spent the rest of my trip trying to win enough on the nickel slots just to buy it.
Maybe this time…
When Girls Collide
My third-favorite Canadian fashion blog has a great, gossipy article about one of the blog’s authors, Lucinda McRuvy, and her now-legendary feud with Fiona Newsome. Even better, it’s illustrated by the author of my second-favorite Canadian fashion blog, Danielle Meder.
Lucinda should bite the bullet and turn her story into a screenplay before the author’s article, Mimi M. beats her to the punch. She just needs to add a memorable catfight scene that sees both women pulling hair and slapping each other in the lily pond of some Bridle Path mansion, and I’d pay to see the movie over and over and over again.
Return of the Leather Daddy
At this weekend’s Much Music Video Awards, Rihanna performed in a look that is currently leading the pack on the eTalk viewer poll. I guess that means that Leather Daddy Chic is back in style.
The last time this gay porn staple became ingrained in pop culture was during the early 80s when über cool Depeche Mode released their video for Master and Servant. Sure, the look had been seen elsewhere (in the dark alleys of San Francisco, for instance), but it didn’t really resonate with the public until a couple of years later. The mid-80s were harder and tougher than the earliest part of the decade. Fashion was returning to the streets of the 50s. Madonna was rolling on the ground in thrift shop crinolines and other second-hand underwear while the tough boys were channeling Marlon Brando in The Wild One.
At this point, the look was inspired by nostalgia. It was a slick, modern update of an iconic image. But things have changed since 1984. Gay pride parades have become a mainstream tourist attraction in major cities. People of various sexual persuasions line the streets to gawk at other people dressed up in the most ridiculous costumes. Amongst those marching in today’s parades are gangs of hairy, leather-clad men, wearing assless chaps and bondage collars. And the crowning glory of their look is always the leather daddy hat.
So I’m sort of surprised to see the hats returning. I don’t mind when fashion treads too far into camp — I prefer it, in fact. I’m just not sure if the people who are currently admiring the look (and voting for the look on the eTalk online poll) realize that the look comes prepackaged with some rather hilarious history. Unless they’re going to wear it with their tongues firmly planted in their cheeks, the joke is on them.
Ottawa?
There’s a rumor flying around that the second season of Project Runway Canada will be taped in Ottawa. Maybe the entry form says something like that. I didn’t bother to read it, so I can’t be sure.
It doesn’t bother me that the show won’t be based in Toronto. I have nothing against Toronto, but I do have something against the sense of entitlement that many people in Toronto have. Canada is a big country with several large cities. Ottawa ranks fourth on the list according to 2006 numbers, which may be inaccurate today because of Edmonton’s unprecedented growth over the past few years.
But size doesn’t really matter in this case, anyway. The show is almost self-contained. Except for the final runway challenge, there’s nothing on PRC that demands a particular setting. The workroom, the hotel and the catwalk could be in any city and the viewers wouldn’t really notice the difference.
TV in Los Angeles isn’t any different. The Sony lot, for instance, is in Culver City. If you’ve ever been there, Culver City is not Hollywood. It’s about as glamorous as an armpit. Still, it was originally the MGM lot, where Norma Shearer, Greta Garbo and Joan Crawford held court as the studio’s biggest stars. The Wizard of Oz was filmed there. What could be more magical than that?
So for anyone in Toronto who is lamenting the loss of PRC, get over it. Like fashion itself, the experience of being cast on the show is going to be a positive experience if that’s what you want it to be. If you want to make magic in Ottawa, you’ll make magic in Ottawa. If you want to make magic in Edmonton, you’ll make magic in Edmonton. However, if you want to make magic in Moose Jaw, you’ll have to wait until 2012. The power of positive thinking can only go so far.
Louisa McCormack Must Be a Lovely Person
One of the best things about blogging on WordPress is that the software allows you to see the terms that people are searching in order to get to your site.
Since I began blogging, I’ve noticed quite a few hits for “Louisa McCormack.” The reason: Someone asked me if I was Louisa McCormack in the comments section, and I responded that I wasn’t Louisa McCormack. Still, I keep getting hits from people searching terms such as “Louisa McCormack + Auntie Fashion” and “Is Louisa McCormack Auntie Fashion.”
Now I’ve only met Louisa McCormack once. The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me was “Cool shoes!” I know — it’s tough not to compliment me about something I’m wearing because it’s all so fascinatingly gorgeous. But Louisa seemed friendly and genuine, and a lot like me.
So I can understand the comparisons, and it’s all quite flattering. Still, I’m not Louisa McCormack. If I was Louisa McCormack I would have done away with Ben Mulroney while I had the chance. I’m just practical that way.
Expand Your Fashion Vocabulary #5
Cheongsam: A traditional Chinese dress, popular as a quirky, relatively inexpensive choice for parties and other special events. The body-hugging form enhances an hourglass figure, making the cheongsam a flattering choice for many women who would otherwise shun such close-fitting garments.
The Skinny on Models
There’s a very interesting article today on style.com. It seems that the CFDA held a discussion on Tuesday night called “The Beauty of Health: How the Fashion Industry Can Make a Difference.” The forum was intended to address the issue of skinny models. It’s interesting to see that Anna Wintour attended the event. A friend of Zob (and my spiritual advisor), Greg Polkosnik, used to work for Teen Vogue, and he always has a few juicy stories to tell about the magazine.
Like myself, Greg is a gym rat. He’s been a fitness trainer since 1986. While he was writing horoscopes for Teen Vogue, he used to include tidbits like “Burn off some nervous energy on the treadmill,” and “Check out the boys in the weight room.” It was innocuous stuff, yet he claims that it was solid astrological advice, grounded in the placements of the planets.
He continued to offer comments like that to his readers until one day when he was told to stop because “teenage girls don’t go to the gym.” His editor at the time was working for editor-in-chief Amy Astley, who reported directly to Anna Wintour.
While Greg doesn’t claim the instructions came down that particular chain of command, he doesn’t dispute the fact that the dictum was foolish. “I’ve been a fitness professional for half of my life,” he told me. “Teenage girls go to the gym.”
He might be overstating his case, though. Perhaps the kind of girls who read Teen Vogue don’t go to the gym. While they’re busy aspiring to own Marc Jacobs bags, they could be starving themselves like model Coco Rocha, who spoke at the CFDA discussion. “I was so obsessed with food that I would flip out if I ate an apple,” Rocha told the audience. The worst part is that Rocha was a dancer before she was a model; she was the kind of person who needed to fuel her body with food in order to succeed in her discipline. But being told “We don’t want you to be anorexic. We just want you to look it,” probably played a few tricks with her head. Who can blame her if she starved herself?
I won’t ever say that Wintour is to blame. I really do like the woman, and I can be guilty of defending her no matter what she does because I know that she’s a businesswoman above all: She wants her empire to succeed. Still, with such disturbing messages coming from her underlings, what am I supposed to say about her?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a piece of Saskatoon berry pie to eat.
Baby Steps
Some people believe that I have an unhealthy obsession with Marc Jacobs, including my therapist. He’s been trying to get me to confront my fear of the designer for a couple of months now. We sit around his office watching Louis Vuitton shows online while debating the inherent evil of the collection. I tell him that that wearing the clothes steals your soul. He tells me that I’m being irrational. I tell him that he should try to walk a mile in my Louboutins. He asks me if they make a nice slingback in a men’s size thirteen. I ask him if he’s kidding. He tells me to call him “Joyce” in his Michael Caine-like accent. I ask him why there’s a blonde wig sticking out of his desk drawer. He tells me that our time is up.
Anyhow, he also suggested that I try to take baby steps in order to deal with my so-called issues. And I’m proud to say that I did! Yesterday I bought something from the Perry Ellis collection. Sure, Marc Jacobs hasn’t been involved with the brand since he virtually ruined the company in 1992 with his self-indulgence and lack of artistry, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I put on something that had a Perry Ellis label sewn into it and nothing bad happened to me.
Perhaps the spirit of Zob is still watching over me. I’ve noticed that my hair has been especially lustrous lately — maybe I haven’t lost my powers after all! A couple of weeks back I also mentioned that I’m not as disturbed by the designer’s ugly mug as I used to be. Have I just grown accustomed to his face, or immune to his hideousness?
This is an intriguing development, and it’s something I’m going to need to investigate.
Auntie Fashion 