Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for March 2009

Happy Birthday, Elle Macpherson

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Elle Macpherson

Happy birthday, Elle Macpherson.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally put on my racerback swimsuit backwards only to have a boat drive by and splash me moments later.  I hate that, too!

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March 29, 2009 at 3:08 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Butifkofer Blog

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Adrienne Butikofer

I was just reading finalfashion.ca where I discovered that Adrienne Butifkofer has a blog.  Adrienne has worn a lot of hats over the years.  She’s been a muse to Peter Nygård, a Macarena enthusiast, a casserole fan, a fashion designer, and in a few weeks she will become a mother.  There’s a rumor going around town that she’s going to name the baby after me.  I can’t wait for little Prunella to arrive!

Anyway, she’s going to skip a season while she concentrates on motherhood.  Apparently, she would like to become a better gardener in the meantime.  I guess it’s time that I proposed a trade.

I’m a gardening expert.  I’m not kidding!  I have the sort of garden that simultaneously impresses and embarrasses my neighbors.  I possess encyclopedic knowledge of what grows in most Canadian climate zones and I’ve even written features for gardening magazines.  Marjorie Harris and I are practically best friends, but instead of friendship bracelets we share a rare Euphorbia.

Now I want to become a fashion designer, and Adrienne wants to become a gardener.  We’ve got to be able to work something out.  I’ll be her apprentice and she can be mine.  My only concern in this situation is how our relationship will affect Adrienne’s friend and my protege Danielle Meder.  I hope Danielle’s not the jealous type — or the stabby type, for that matter.

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March 28, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Must Have #5

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dental-floss

Dental Floss

With my ultra-glamorous lifestyle, I get to meet a lot of celebrities whom I’ve admired from afar.  Seeing a movie star au naturel can be quite a surprise.  While many of them have been disarmingly gorgeous in-person (Andie MacDowell, Sharon Stone, Jane Fonda), others have disappointed me.  Usually it’s their teeth that surprise me.  I can’t believe how many people in show business have such poor oral hygiene habits.

You don’t really notice a bad gumline until you get right up in someone’s face.  But once you’re there, all the veneers and Zoom! whitening in the world can’t disguise puffy, receding, unhealthy gums.

The worst part about bad gums is that they’re so preventable.  If you floss on a regular basis, you’re probably going to have healthy gums.  It makes a world of difference that you can see in-person.

If fashion is truly about looking good, and looking good is contingent upon looking healthy, then looking fashionable and looking healthy should go hand-in-hand.  Too often they don’t.  In today’s society, it’s very easy to disguise poor health behind a cosmetic veneer — both literally and figuratively.  The manner in which people use cosmetic dental procedures to look good reminds me of that contest that is currently being advertised on TV to create a couture dress out of toilet paper.  Yeah, I’m sure the winning entry is going to be beautiful, but I’m not going to forget that it’s a dress made from asswipe.

If your body is a temple, then your mouth is the front door of that temple.  Take care of it.  Be sure to floss at least once a day.

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March 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Fall 1986

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fall-1986

Cover: Fall 1986

Context: The Oprah Winfrey Show goes national on September 8.  The Fox Broadcasting Company is launched on October 9.  “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi tops the Billboard Hot 100.  Film legend Cary Grant passes away on November 29.  Inspired by the urban street style of Ceri Marsh, Run-D.M.C. reinvents the Adidas tracksuit.

Points of Interest: Escada had just gone public in 1986 and was about to enter into a golden age.  The opulent tailoring and bold color combinations that defined the brand (and the 80s in general) would provide a strong counterpoint for subsequent trends.

What Tyra Would Say: “Where’s the tension in your photo?  Hey, I like that word!  I think I’m going to start using it during every episode.”

What Auntie Fashion Says: The best thing about this cover is the headline “DELICIOUS! Our biggest issue ever!”  What many of you may not know is that back in the olden days we used to boil fashion magazines and eat them when we were done reading them.

Grade: C+.

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March 28, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Posted in 30 Years of FASHION

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Happy Birthday, Lauren Weisberger

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Lauren Weisberger

Happy birthday, Lauren Weisberger.  Seriously, is Rachel Zoe the only annoying person in the world who isn’t an Aries?

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March 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

No wonder no one buys Canadian fashion . . .

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TimBits

After the Ontairo provincial budget was delivered yesterday, I was mortified to discover that 43 cents of every tax dollar in the province goes towards health care.  Then this morning on Canada AM I heard that more than half of Canadians say that they don’t even try to eat a healthy diet and something like two-thirds don’t get any exercise.

In the name of Zob what are you fat asses doing?  No wonder Canadian designers can’t thrive in this market — you’re all too fat to fit into the clothes!

Seriously, if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.  I’m like a freak in the fashion business because I look like Madonna or Kelly Ripa when I wear a sleeveless top.  But don’t tell me I look butch or I’ll make you eat that pack of cigarettes you were planning to smoke for lunch.

This country needs a fitness boom much more than it needs a fashion week.  Step One: Get a body that looks good in clothes.  Step Two: Buy some nice clothes that show off your figure.

That’s just common sense, isn’t it?

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March 27, 2009 at 1:50 pm

Happy Birthday, Mariah Carey

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Mariah Carey

Happy birthday, Mariah Carey.  On the list of Aries divas who sort of bug me (you, Aretha Franklin, Celine Dion, Elton JohnDiana Ross, Fergie, Marc Jacobs, Sarah Jessica Parker, Keira Knightley, Reese Witherspoon, Rosie O’Donnell, etc.), you’re the only one who I actually spend money on.  My iPod is shamefully overloaded with your music.  I guess that makes you my favorite.  Congratulations.

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March 27, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old