Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for June 2009

Happy Birthday, Lena Horne

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Lena Horne

Lena Horne

Happy birthday, Lena Horne.  I sing “Stormy Weather” to my cats all the time.  They don’t seem to like it too much.  Maybe I should try another song.

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June 30, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

The Hypothetical Red Carpet Quiz

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Colour Puddle Jump Docs

Colour Puddle Jump Docs

Every fashion designer’s dream is to see one of their creations worn on a prestigious red carpet by a bona fide celebrity.  But how does a designer feel when they see their “baby” worn by someone second-rate fame whore?  Is publicity a double-edged sword?
 
Auntie Fashion asked Danielle Meder who she would like to see wearing her “Colour Puddle JumpDoc Martens, the winning entry in an international competition to put a personal stamp on the iconic footwear.  I gave her the names of ten red carpet regulars and then asked her to rank them from most-desirable wearer to least-desirable wearer.  Here are the results (Danielle’s comments in italics):
  1. Coco Rocha (Yep, I’m a Coco-nut).
  2. Diane Keaton.
  3. Brüno (Genius, obvs.).
  4. Serena Williams.
  5. Bai Ling (Probably the outfit would be on GFY which would be a thrill).
  6. Andre Leon Talley.
  7. Lindsay Lohan.
  8. Kellie Pickler (No idea who she is or what she’s like — I guess that makes her a bit of a water-level indicator in this exercise).
  9. Spencer Pratt.
  10. Peaches Geldof (That Selby feature of her apartment.  The foreheadband . . .).

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June 29, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Nice Rack, Iris

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Iris Strubegger

Iris Strubegger

Jennifer Campbell at the FASHION Magazine website has written an article describing the sudden ubiquitousness of Austrian model Iris Strubegger.  In the article she also compares Strubegger to 90s model Kristen McMenamy.

The comparison goes far beyond looks, though.  I have a couple photos of Iris posted somewhere on this blog, and she’s partly topless in one and wearing a see-through shirt in the other.  The one thing I remember the most about Kristen McMenamy (besides the time she shaved her head and eyebrows) is how often I’d see her topless in editorial photos.  The girl liked to let it all hang out — just like Iris!

I suppose that’s why the girls at FASHION really dig Iris.  I’ve heard rumors about “Topless Tuesdays” in the office, but I thought that they were just lies spread by the staff of Elle Canada.  I guess I’ll have to wait for ex-FASHION staffer Michelle Bilodeau’s tell-all expose of the magazine to hit the bookstores before I learn the truth.  The word on the street is that it’s going be steamier and trashier than a Toronto garbage strike in the middle of summer!

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June 29, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Happy Birthday, Nicole Scherzinger

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Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger

Happy birthday, Nicole Scherzinger.  To succeed as a solo artist, you need a name that’s a little more catchy.  Why not use your full name: Nicole Prescovia Elikolani Valiente Scherzinger?  It just rolls off my tongue!

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June 29, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Kellie Pickler is Dating Kid Rock?

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Kid Rock

Kid Rock

There’s a rumor going around that global trendsetter and fashion icon Kellie Pickler is dating entertainer Kid Rock.  Loving the Pickler as much as I do, I really didn’t know what to think about this at first.  So I did what any rational woman in my position would do: I consulted my astrologer.

They’re probably made for each other,” he told me.  “Kid Rock is a Capricorn, just like you, and he probably finds Cancer women quite fascinating.  It’s one of those ‘opposites attract’ scenarios.”

He went on to mention that Kid Rock’s previous marriage was also to a Cancer woman, Pamela Anderson.  “It didn’t work out, but the initial attraction was there.  When opposite signs get together it’s often all or nothing at all — there’s not a lot of middle ground in the relationship.  There are fireworks when they meet, but sometimes they fizzle out because there isn’t enough in common between the individuals.”

In other Kellie Pickler news, someone left a funny comment on my blog regarding the post where I explained how surprised I was to discover that Kellie got breast implants.  This rabid fan insulted my dear friend Rusty and explained how Kellie had gained thirty pounds shortly after American Idol.  Supposedly, her weight gain is responsible for her increased cup size.

Now I’m not sure what to believe.  If anyone else has anything to add to the discussion of Kellie Pickler’s rack, I’d like to hear it!  Please leave a comment.

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June 28, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Happy Birthday, Kellie Pickler

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Kellie Pickler

Kellie Pickler

Happy birthday, Kellie Pickler.  If loving you is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

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June 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

This Woman Should Shut Up

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Tracy Anderson

Tracy Anderson

Click on the link above to read more about fitness guru Tracy Anderson.  She’s an overtanned piece of turkey jerky with ugly hair extensions and an ego that belies her genetic puniness.

I’ve been in fitness and fashion for so long that I can barely remember when I began preaching about either discipline.  One thing I’ve learned in all that time is that different people find different things attractive.

Anderson says some of the stupidest, most-arrogant things I’ve read in ages in her interview with the Telegraph.  The quote “Lots of dancers have horrible bodies” really gets my blood boiling because it’s an subjective evaluation of what should be an objective concern.  If those dancers she’s talking about have healthy, injury-free bodies, then who is she to tell them that their bodies are horrible?

The worst part about the article is that it shines a light on Anderson’s talent — a talent that is indisputable.  She is onto something with her broad-ranging workout structure and her commitment to regular vigorous activity.  I especially like the candid way in which she states that anyone who says “you can change on just three days a week is as bad as any scam diet book because it’s just not true.”

Still, I can’t get past the fact that she equates her ideal of beauty with an ideal of fitness.  It’s simply not true that one body type represents an ideal of health.  That is her opinion, just like my opinion that doing too much tanning and getting hair extensions is like an express ticket on the ugly train.  It’s just an opinion, not a scientific fact.

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June 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm