Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Design Your Ass, Not Your Jeans

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Schwinn Spinner

Schwinn Spinner

I just read an article on the NY Times site about a “market correction” in the premium jeans business (thanks to for pointing me there).

It seems that the price of designer denim is going down.  People aren’t willing to spend $300 on a pair of jeans, so those jeans now are going for $200 — or even less.

I’ve blogged about expensive jeans a few times.  I’ve instructed my readers how they can use the tags of cheap Balmain men’s dress shirts from Sears in order to create their own Balmain lookalikes for well under the $1800 US price tag of the real deal.  I’ve complained about the ridiculously overworked, unflattering styles of men’s jeans that tend to draw attention to the figure flaws of nearly flawless men.  And, of course, I’ve blogged about the trend to create jeans that look worn.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Contrived nonchalance is the stupidest trend anyone will ever invest in.

But for now I would just like to say one thing: You’ll always be better off if you possess a nice ass rather than nice jeans.  For the price of one pair of designer jeans, you can join a gym for a couple of months where you can participate in activities such as Spin classes.  Just watch as the fat melts away and your buttocks firm up.  After committing yourself to a reasonable workout program, your ass will start to look good in almost anything you wear, including jeans.  Even the most critical fashion critics will have a difficult time finding fault with your perfect butt and the way it seems to flatter even the most idiotic styles.  Why do you think models work, anyway?  It’s because they look good in everything.  They’re perfect!

So worry about your ass, not your pants.  If you do, in a few years you’ll be able to show off your fifty-year-old butt in something as unflattering as white leather jeans, like Goldie Hawn did in “The First Wives Club.”  Do you really think anyone was looking at her pants in that movie?


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October 29, 2009 at 5:30 pm

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