Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for October 2009

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America's Next Top Model

Lara Spencer & Brittany

Math whiz Brittany was eliminated on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model,” despite a terrific portfolio, leaving Nicole, Laura, Jennifer, Erin and Sundai in the competition.

After watching the show, I visited the ANTM page on Wikipedia in order to refresh my memory regarding former final-five finalists.  I couldn’t recall if a contestant as weak as Sundai has ever made it this far in the competition.

The verdict: Sundai is the worst top-five contestant in ANTM history.

I like Sundai, but except for beating everyone in a foot race through Wal-Mart, she hasn’t done anything to justify her place in the competition.  At least Cycle 12’s terribly-unphotogenic Aminat showed up at panel looking like a glamazon, making it difficult for the judges to dismiss her based upon her portfolio.  Cycle 4’s Keenyah brought the drama, along with a major weight gain, keeping her around when better models were cast aside.  Even Cycle 6’s Furonda — widely regarded as the least-modelesque contestant in the history of ANTM — turned out some of the cycle’s best photos and an impromptu CoverGirl commercial that still rivals the scripted efforts of many of the show’s finalists.

Unlike these girls, Sundai hasn’t done anything.  She is not a model, Tyra.  Every moment that she remains in the competition makes me question not only your judgement, but also your math skills.  How can someone who has done nothing positive still have a positive balance sheet?

Maybe you need to refer this one to your accountants.

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October 29, 2009 at 4:45 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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Happy Birthday, Yasmin Le Bon

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Yasmin Le Bon

Yasmin Le Bon

Happy birthday, Yasmin Le Bon.  I met your husband three years before you met him.  I’ll never forget that magical evening . . .

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October 29, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

The TyraScope: Coco Rocha

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Coco Rocha

Coco Rocha

Casting Special Comments: “When I first saw Coco, I wasn’t sure if I saw a top model, or if I saw just another girl with good cheekbones relying on what her mama and daddy gave her.”

Obstacles to Overcome: Being born in Canada, Coco has faced a lifetime of adversity, including an addiction to poutine and a pathetic, desperate crush on Wayne Gretzky.

Probable Edit: After struggling to learn her angles, Coco’s climb to the top of the pack is cut short when the judges discern a lack of commercial appeal in the US market during a “tasteful, yet nude” photo shoot on the White House lawn.

Elimination Order: 3rd place.

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October 28, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Posted in The TyraScope

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The TyraScope

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Tyra

Tyra

I love Tyra.  We have that sort of relationship, however, where I feel as if need to pester her incessantly until she notices me.  It’s like a schoolboy crush, and I want to dip her pigtails in the inkwell.  Wait a minute — that’s a rather outdated analogy.  How about this?  It’s like I want to pour beer in her weave so that she can call me a “stank ho.”  At least then she’ll know I’m alive.

Anyway, I was thinking about what Tyra would do if she was asked to evaluate some genuine top models using the same sort of criteria that she uses when acting as a judge on “America’s Next Top Model.”  And that’s when I came up with the TyraScope.

I’ll be putting various supermodels under the TyraScope in order to speculate how they would fare if they were cast as contestants on ANTM.  It’s all in good fun, and not endorsed by Tyra Banks . . . yet.

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October 28, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Posted in The TyraScope

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Happy Birthday, Bill Gates

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Bill Gates

Bill Gates

Happy birthday, Bill Gates.  I’m always impressed by your charitable endeavours, but I’d be even more impressed if you went on “Dancing with the Stars.”  Show those Apple jerks who’s the boss.

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October 28, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

How to Succeed in the Fashion Business Without Really Trying

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Toronto Fashion Week

Toronto Fashion Week

My BFF, Jennifer Campbell of fashionmagazine.com, has just posted a wrap-up of LG Fashion Week.

To the untrained eye, it appears to be a fairly inconspicuous summary of the shows, redirecting the reader back to several first-rate reviews, videos and photo galleries on the FASHION website.  But to my more discerning eye, it was a revelation.

Just yesterday I was complaining that I can’t get on a reality show.  I’m sure that a lot of people wonder why I would even want to whore myself out to reality TV.  I suppose Jennifer’s article inadvertantly explains it all: You’re nothing in Canadian fashion if you aren’t on reality TV.

Let’s look at the evidence.  Greta Constantine’s Stephen Wong is a “Project Runway Canada” alumnus.  Vawk’s Sunny Fong is, too.  So are Lucian Matis, Evan Biddell, Jason Myers and Jessica Biffi.  Several other of the designers listed have appeared on reality TV, too, as special guests on PRC and “Canada’s Next Top Model.”

Despite what I’ve titled this post, I’m sure all of these designers have tried very hard to succeed in business.  So have Canada’s other fashion/reality TV superstars, including Rita Silvan, Jeanne Beker, Jay Manuel, Sean Hewson, Yasmin Warsame, Stacey McKenzie and Mike Ruiz.

Even the FASHION Magazine office itself has appeared on “Fashion File Host Hunt,” a reality show that seemed like a great idea in theory, if not in practice.

So when people wonder why I adore reality TV and spend so much time dreaming about the day when I’m cast on a reality show, it’s not because I don’t have the skills to succeed in fashion.  I’ve already proven that I can work for some of the biggest names in the business, yet almost all of my jobs have been south of the border.  I’ve tried and tried again to get ahead here, but it never seems to happen.  For once, I’d just like a lucky break in the country I choose to call my home.  Getting on a fashion reality show in Canada means you’ve arrived.

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October 27, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Happy Birthday, Kelly Osbourne

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Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne

Happy birthday, Kelly Osbourne.  I’m enjoying watching you on “Dancing with the Stars,” but not as much as I’m enjoying sharing this photo with the entire world.

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October 27, 2009 at 2:55 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old