Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for November 2009

Happy Birthday, Kaley Cuoco

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Kaley Cuoco

Happy birthday, Kaley Cuoco.  I have a funny story about an argument I had regarding you while I was working at Teen Vogue.  I’m glad that you’re doing so well professionally, because it means that I won.

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November 30, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Battle of the Superhunks: Round Eight

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Joe Zee

Bouncing around from magazine to magazine — publishing’s equivalent to bedhopping — has earned “Elle’s Joe Zee the reputation of fashion’s bad boy.  Will he love you and leave you?  Probably.  Would you get on your hands and knees and beg him to come back?  Definitely.

Patrick McCarthy

Working for Fairchild publications for most of his life has sheltered Patrick McCarthy from the rest of the fashion world, much like the way a naive Amish teenager is sheltered from the world until the day he takes a bus to the big city where he soon finds himself cage dancing at a nightclub in nothing but a thong.  There are more similarities to their stories than differences!

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November 30, 2009 at 3:51 am

The TyraScope: Vlada Roslyakova

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Casting Special Comments: “Normally we only allow American girls to try out for the show, but with Russian models dominating the catwalks of the world, I had an entire orphanage flown over from Omsk, Siberia.  That’s where we found Vlada.  The rest of the orphans are working as unpaid interns on the ‘Tyra‘ show.”

Obstacles to Overcome: Like many other girls who choose modeling as a profession, Vlada has learned to live with the stigma of being naturally thin.  “Look at me!” she exclaims in a confessional.  “I ate a can of frosting for breakfast and I still look like a freak!”

Probable Edit: Ostracized by the other contestants for wearing a babooshka and purring like a kitten on the phone to her American boyfriend, Vlada strikes back by earning a record number of first call-outs.  Unfortunately, Tyra awards the title to a plus-sized, transgendered biracial butterfly with “all the potential in the world.”

Elimination Order: 2nd place.

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November 30, 2009 at 3:18 am

Superhunks: Round Seven Results

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Robert Verdi

Fashion expert and part-time longshoreman Robert Verdi completely dominated pretty-boy stylist Phillip Bloch in this week’s Battle of the Fashion Journalism Superhunks.  It just goes to show you that a little testosterone goes a long way, and that a lot of testosterone goes even further.  Seriously, was Verdi swimming in it?

Come back tomorrow for the final first-round battle before the quarter finals begin.  The dreamiest hunks are yet to come!

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November 29, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Happy Birthday, Jackie Stallone

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Georgina Holt & Jackie Stallone

Happy birthday, Jackie Stallone.  I’m wearing a headband just for you.

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November 29, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Summer 1991

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Cover: Summer 1991

Context: On June 15, Mount Pinatubo erupts in the Philippines in what would become the second-largest terrestrial volcanic eruption of the 20th century.  The first Sonic the Hedgehog game is published by Sega on June 23.  Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer is arrested on July 22 after the remains of eleven men are found in his Milwaukee apartment.  The Soviet Union collapses as country after country declares independence throughout August.

Points of Interest: The model is wearing a Jaxsport blouse.  At this time the label was being designed by former soap opera star, Broadway actor, model and stylist Ron Leal.

What Tyra Would Say: “Two beautiful girls stand before me.  Becky, you fade into the background week after week.  The other judges have to constantly remind me that you’re still in the competition.  Gail, you’ve been asked to deliver an edgy, high-fashion editorial, and what you’ve given me is pure catalogue.  So who stays and who goes?  Becky, you’re going to get another second chance . . .”.

What Auntie Fashion Says: The earrings are okay.

Grade: D-.

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November 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Posted in 30 Years of FASHION

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Happy Birthday, John Galliano

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John Galliano

Happy birthday, John Galliano.  I know this photo is from backstage at a Dior show, but it makes me think that you would be a swell contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.”  Hey, that gives me an idea . . .

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November 28, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old