Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for December 2009

Battle of the Superhunks: Quarter Finals Round Four

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Robert Verdi

Working on the docks was a stylistic choice for fashion expert and part-time longshoreman Robert Verdi.  A source close to Verdi claims that he was inspired by Brad Davis in Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s obscure 1982 film “Querelle.”  But what inspired Verdi to pursue a career in fashion?  The boobs, probably.

Joe Zee

Joe Zee’s reputation as a ladies’ man hasn’t stopped him from rising up through the ranks of fashion journalism; his talent has taken him taken him straight to the top.  Yet the rumors never seem to go away.  Is he Robbie Myers’ boy-toy or would Anne Slowey have something to say about that?  Easy girls — it looks as if there’s plenty of this superhunk to go around!

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December 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Happy Birthday, Gayle King

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Gayle King

Happy birthday, Gayle King.  I always thought that you were so much more than just a sidekick — until I saw this photo, that is.  You look like a ventriloquist’s dummy.  Someone needs to edit her own Wikipedia page.

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December 28, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Superhunks: Quarter Finals Round Three Results

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Simon Doonan

As expected, Simon Doonan creamed Jim Nelson in the quarter finals of The Battle of the Fashion Journalism Superhunks.  Just look at him; how could anyone compete against that?  It’s as if Zob herself has conspired with Mother Nature to cram as much sexiness as possible into a single specimen of manhood.  I’m surprised he doesn’t implode like a black hole under the mass of his own dreaminess.

Come back tomorrow for the last quarter final.

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December 27, 2009 at 11:36 pm

Reason #20 to Hate this Past Decade

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Wal-Mart

Reason #20: Ridiculous Retail Hours

It seems like only yesterday when stores were actually closed occasionally.  If you didn’t bother to shop during regular business hours, you were out of luck.  Sure, there were the few people who worked graveyard shifts that were inconvenienced by typical operating hours, but they had days off like everyone else.  If they needed to shop, that’s when they shopped.

Nowadays it seems as if we’re just a step away from having stores that never close.  Sure, there are some of them around already, and I believe that they’re the trailblazers.  The trend in retail is to stay open longer, but to serve your customers less.  I don’t notice more staff on the floors of these establishments that are operating with extended hours.  In fact, it seems as if many retailers have just stretched out the staff they’ve got to deal with the situation.  Why hire more people when you’ve proven again and again that your idiot customers would rather drive ten miles to save fifty cents on margarine than go shopping in a pleasant environment where they’re served by competent staff?

No one needs to go to Wal-Mart at 3:00 am, anyway — do they?

The Antidote: Harry Rosen

I don’t suppose I’ve been in a chain store in Canada that has better service consistently than Harry Rosen.  It’s as if the staff are trained and nurtured by a company that values their talents.  It makes me want to spend more money there.  Wow!  What a radical concept!

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December 27, 2009 at 11:20 pm

Posted in Two Dozen Reasons

The True Meaning of Something™

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Roller Boogie

I don’t take New Year’s resolutions seriously enough.  Even when I downgrade my plans, they fail miserably.  For instance, I resolved to win the lottery a couple of years ago, and I kept forgetting to buy tickets.  A year or two before that I resolved to wear more sweaters.  I don’t think I wore a sweater the entire year.

So I was thinking that I might benefit from making a more grandiose gesture.  But what?  What could I resolve to do in 2010 that would be both profound and achievable?  And then it came to me!

I want to discover the true meaning of something.  You know, like at the end of “A Christmas Carol” when Scrooge discovers the true meaning of Christmas.  Or at the end of “Roller Boogie” when the kids discover the true meaning of friendship while simultaneously saving the roller rink from evil land developers and making roller boogie an official Olympic demonstration sport.

I’m not sure what I’m going to discover — the true meaning of life, love or even roller boogie — but I do know that I won’t be able to go on this journey of self-discovery without trademarking the name “The True Meaning of Something™.”  I might not know a lot about soul-searching, but I do know a good title when I hear it.  It sounds like a new Ellen Page movie with Janeane Garafalo as her mom, doesn’t it?

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December 27, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Happy Birthday, Barbara Crampton

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Barbara Crampton

Happy birthday, Barbara Crampton aka Leanna Love.  Of all the women who married Victor Newman, you were the most evil and therefore my favorite.  Please come back to Genoa City soon.

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December 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

March 1992

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Cover: March 1992

Context: The Bosnian War claims its first victims on March 1.  On March 21, former Miss America Vanessa Williams scores her first number-one hit with “Save the Best for Last,” a title that would remain atop the Billboard Hot 100 for five weeks.  “The Silence of the Lambs” wins Best Picture at the 64th annual Academy Awards on March 30.  “Dateline NBC” debuts on March 31.

Points of Interest: Joyce Gunhouse and Judy Cornish had been designing Comrags since 1983, but this was their first FASHION cover.

What Tyra Would Say: “For this challenge I wanted the models in plain white shirts with simple hair and makeup so that the photographer could focus on their tranquility.  Afterward, when they weren’t expecting it, I let loose on them with a paintball gun.  Here’s Danelle’s before shot.”

What Auntie Fashion Says: While previous covers had hinted that minimalism was just around the corner, this was definitely the magazine’s first foray into the decade-defining trend.

Grade: A.

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December 26, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Posted in 30 Years of FASHION

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