Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for March 2010

Happy Birthday, Caroline Winberg

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Caroline Winberg

Happy birthday, Caroline Winberg.  “Vogue” is right!  You do have a sexy otono.

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March 27, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Where can I get one of these?

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Tyra

I’m in the market for a flesh-toned jumpsuit-cum-foundation garment to wear on my upcoming space voyage.  Does anyone know where I can get one?

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March 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Happy Birthday, Suvi Koponen

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Suvi Koponen

Happy birthday, Suvi Koponen.  I hope you have a lovely day, sitting in your sauna eating lutefisk.  That’s what you Finns do, right?

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March 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Strike a Pose

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Angelea

Last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model” was memorable for many reasons, but the one thing that I’ll never be able to forget is Angelea posing for the agents at a bluefly.com casting call.  In fourteen seasons of the show, I don’t believe I’ve ever had such a delightful time watching such a miserable performance.  I’m not the kind of person who watches the “American Idol” auditions to see people that can’t sing get the wind knocked out their sails.  I get really uncomfortable seeing anyone embarrass themselves in public.  But when Angelea posed like Popeye the Sailor Man for the casting agents, I was grinning from ear-to-ear.

That wasn’t the only time I was surprised and/or delighted during the show.  In scene-after-scene, I was amazed by how pretty and telegenic many of these girls are.  The fan forums at “Television Without Pity” are predictably riddled with comments describing how this group of contestants is the worst ever, but I don’t believe that’s the case at all.  Fans of ANTM tend to idealize previous cycles of this show, spouting the same garbage on online forums season after season.  It’s tiresome.  Every time I read a comment about the great Elyse Sewell, I want to punch my computer screen.  I don’t understand why people who don’t like the show watch it, but what’s worse than that is how people who don’t like the show feel compelled to spend their time on fan sites criticizing everything about the show.  Waste your time much?

This episode was filled with many other memorable moments.  After appearing in relatively nonchalant panel outfits for the first two episodes, Tyra showed up at judging in a nude one-piece number that will live on infamy.  Alasia wore a skanky silver swimsuit to panel.  Ren virtually gave up.  Anslee spent the entire time at panel laughing at Brenda’s negative critique, as if no one was watching.  It was all terrifically entertaining.

I was also entertained by the bluefly.com blog (click the link above) that details challenge-winner Simone’s photo shoot where the aspriring model nearly passed out.  The drama this cycle extends well-beyond the walls of the ANTM house.

Unlike those fans who watch the show just to disparage it, I can’t wait until next week to see what happens.  It just gets better and better with every episode.

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March 25, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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Happy Birthday, Sarah Jessica Parker

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Sarah Jessica Parker

Happy birthday, Sarah Jessica Parker.  Next time you come to Canada and neglect to call me, we’re through!

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March 25, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Libertarians are kooks, but . . .

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Ezra Levant

Here’s a photo of Ezra Levant as he announced that it would be too dangerous for Ann Coulter to speak at the University of Ottawa yesterday after protesters had threatened violence against the conservative pundits.  I went to school with Levant.  He was a loudmouth back then, but I didn’t pay much attention to him.  I also didn’t pay much attention to my fellow students when they participated in protests against the government who regularly raised tuition rates to keep up with inflation and increased operating costs to run the university.  I was too busy working nearly full-time while going to school full-time.  I didn’t have a moment to spare.  Twenty years later, most of those “radical” protesters are driving SUVs and cheating on their taxes from the suburbs while I’m leading a life as a bus-riding vegetarian, volunteering my free time to a couple of high-profile non-profit community organizations.  Go figure.

Anyway, while I don’t practice the same sort of politics as Coulter or Levant, I truly appreciate a world where I can call Libertarians “kooks.”  I believe that they’re crazy and not as smart as they pretend to be when they fail to recognize that the politics they practice will always lead to revolution.  You can’t create an underclass and not expect them to rise up against you to take what you’ve got by force.  People are selfish and they’ll always adhere to the political ideal that serves their own short-term interests.  That’s a fundamental tenet of classic conservatism, isn’t it?

I prefer to practice a more moderate approach.  In fact, I’m as moderate (and probably as bland) as a plate of Nachos, Flanders-Style when it comes to politics.  Conservatives tell me I’m liberal and Liberals call me conservative.  Nevertheless, I can appreciate what Coulter is doing when she juxtaposes her own inappropriate brand of humor with the politics of her adversaries.  It’s funny!  It reminds me of my own schtick on this blog, where I lambaste Marc Jacobs for being a publicity-whoring hack when I’m the first person to admit that I’d like nothing more than to embrace a lifestyle of perpetual publicity whoring.  Get it?

From the comments I delete on a daily basis, I’m sure a lot of people don’t get it.  Thankfully, I’m also an intellectual snob and I understand that not everyone is going to get my sense of humor.  Coulter is cut from the same cloth.  I nearly peed myself when I read this line in the Canadian Press article linked above:

Calling the University of Ottawa a ‘bush league’ institution, Coulter said ‘their IQ points-to-teeth ratio must be about 1-to-1.’

Yes, I appreciate a world where she can crack jokes like that.  Libertarians may live in a dream world when they advocate a hypothetical future where a revolution of the downtrodden is not only a threat, but also an inevitability, yet I appreciate their message when it comes to free speech.

On that note, is it a hate crime to admit that I despise all humanity?  Just curious . . .

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March 24, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Less is More

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Russian Vogue

Don’t you want to rush out this very minute to buy a copy of “Russian Vogue” with Naomi Campbell on the cover?  Sure, it’s a throwback to fashion magazine covers of the mid-80s, but it’s compelling, nonetheless.

I remember a day when editors didn’t need to make their magazines appear as if they had barfed copy all over the covers.  I miss that day.

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March 24, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Happy Birthday, Kelly LeBrock

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Kelly LeBrock

Happy birthday, Kelly LeBrock.  For a while I considered using “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” as the title for my autobiography, before deciding upon “Gorgeous Like Me.”  I didn’t want anyone to confuse the two of us.  It would be so easy to do!

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March 24, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Edyta is Screwed

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Edyta

It should come as no surprise that I watched the premiere episode of “Dancing with the Stars” tenth season last night.  Everyone knows that I love the show, and that it’s my goal in life to be cast on DWTS.

What I don’t love, however, is that my favorite ballroom professional has been screwed over by the producers yet again.  Poor Edyta Sliwinska was the first dancer sent home last season when she was paired with an uncoordinated non-celebrity named Ashley Hamilton.  I had never even heard of him before the show was cast, and I haven’t heard about him since.

This season Edyta is paired with a soap hunk named Aiden Turner who is probably familiar to fans of “All My Children,” but a relative unknown otherwise.  That would be okay with me if he came out and wowed the crowd, but he was awful in his debut.  I can’t say anything good about his performance except that he reminded me of a younger, better-looking Simon Cowell.  That’s it.

Just once I’d like the producers to stack the deck in Edyta’s favor and give her a good partner.  Derek Hough gets a lucky draw almost every season, so why not cut Edyta a break?  The only time she’s made it to the final two was when she was paired with wild card Jason Taylor, an NFL player who could have been terrible.  She also made it to the final three with Joey Lawrence, perhaps the only time she was cast with a partner who had popularity, youth, fitness and an experience as a performer on his side.  Sure, she had a reasonable run on the show with soap star Cameron Mathison, but Aiden Turner is no Cameron Mathison.  I knew who Mathison was long before he was cast on DWTS.  Along with the legendary David Canary, he’s the only actor on “All My Children” whose star isn’t completely eclipsed by Susan Lucci, the most-famous soap star in the business.

I have a feeling that Edyta is going to be going home first for the second season in a row, breaking the record for the most last-place finishes on the show.  It’s not her fault.  You can only play the cards you’ve got, and she’s been dealt far too many bad hands.

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March 23, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Happy Birthday, Perez Hilton

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Perez Hilton

Happy birthday, Perez Hilton.  Every time my therapist begins to talk me out of my somewhat irrational hatred for almost everyone born under the sign of Aries, someone like you comes along.  See, Dr. Elliot?  It’s not me — it’s them!

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March 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old