Archive for May 2010
Bored out of my mind, I just finished listening to LuAnn de Lesseps new single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” Let me say it’s no “Tardy for the Party.” I don’t know what’s with all these “Real Housewives” and their side projects. Haven’t they learned anything from Shereé Whitfield?
Oh well — who am I to talk, anyway? I’ve got so many irons in the fire that I’ve been blamed personally for global warming! Just this past weekend I wrapped up another wildly successful installment of “Wear a Gown to Work Day.” Now I need to concentrate on several other projects bearing my name, including “Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012” and the launch of my signature fragrance, “Auntie Fashion: Smell My Magic.” I’m also blogging compulsively, working on my autobiography “Gorgeous Like Me,” and it’s likely (if not inevitable) that Giles Deacon will contact me any day now to ask me to be the muse for his first collection for Emanuel Ungaro.
But what I’d really like to do is release my own hit single. So I’ve written a little tune, and all I need now is someone to produce it for me. It’s called “Shove Your Love,” and it’s a power-pop classic just waiting to peel the varnish off of a dance floor near you.
If anyone can hook me up with a producer, let me know. I’d do the same for you, perhaps . . .
Following in the footsteps of fellow fashion designer Tom Ford, Marc Jacobs has been chosen to replace Guillermo Del Toro as the director of the upcoming “Hobbit” movies.
“I’ve gone as fas as I can in fashion,” Jacobs told Auntie Fashion, “and what I’ve always wanted to do is direct.”
Producer Peter Jackson was unavailable to comment, but a source close to the director of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy claimed Jackson knew nothing of Jacobs’ plan to take over the film after Del Toro’s departure, adding “Marc’s new hair transplant must be affecting his brain.”
The fashion industry reacted more positively to the news. “These ‘Hobbit‘ films could be the ‘Sex and the City‘ for a new generation,” “Vogue” magazine’s André Leon Talley told AF. “Our appetite for the jolie laide is insatiable.”
Del Toro’s reaction to the news was also positive. “I’ve seen Marc’s designs on Rachel Zoe and the Olsen twins. He’s been working with the creatures of Middle Earth for years, so why stop now?”
Happy birthday, Corey Hart. You’re no Mike Reno, but I guess you’ll do.
Happy birthday, Idina Menzel. I loved you as Rachel’s mother on “Glee.” Any scene where I don’t have to watch Matthew Morrison rap and/or dance is all right with me.
Okay — I may be exaggerating.
Yesterday was the second annual Wear a Gown to Work Day. As promised, I wore Jean Paul Gaultier Haute Couture. You know me: I’m the epitome of understated elegance. No one really bats an eyelash when I show up for work in a gown anyway, because I wear gowns to work all the time. I even wear gowns when I visit the office of my charity, The Prunella Crudsworth Foundation for Knocked-Up Teenage Sluts. Some people may say I’m overdressed, but I say that they should keep their mouths — and their legs — shut.
I do hope that I’m able to generate a little more enthusiasm for this event next year. Trying to bring glamour to the masses can be a thankless job, but I’m not in it for the praise. It just warms my heart to know that I’m making the world a more beautiful place. I’m sure that Marc Jacobs felt the same way when he got his recent hair transplant. Maybe we’re not so different after all . . .
Cover: Winter 1996
Context: On January 18, Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson. The first version of the Java programming language is released on January 23. Film legend Gene Kelly dies on February 2. The element Copernicum is discovered on February 9. On February 28, Alanis Morissette wins Album of the Year at the 38th Annual Grammy Awards.
Points of Interest: It’s nearly impossible to know whether or not this was cover model Tasha Tilberg’s first magazine cover, but it may have been. She also did a German “Vogue” cover around the same time.
What Tyra Would Say: “Oh my god oh my god oh my god! I’ve been waiting fourteen cycles to find a girl like this. Tasha’s fierce and edgy one second, and then a second later she’s selling me LashBlast with her smize. My head is going to explode. MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!”
What Auntie Fashion Says: What a difference a model can make. I’d buy this magazine today.
Happy birthday, Tracey E. Bregman. I suppose that some people would be surprised to know that before you played Lauren Fenmore on “The Young and the Restless,” you made a women-in-prison movie called “The Concrete Jungle.” I must thank you for your monumental contribution to this much-beloved genre.