Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for September 2010

Balmain

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Balmain

I don’t like to say I told you so — oh, who am I kidding?  Of course I like to say it . . .

Anyway, about eighteen months ago I was so horrified by a fashion trend called “Balmania” that I decided to publish my own take on the trend.  That’s when Auntie Fashion’s Craft Corner was born (click the category link to the right to read more).  Of course, I’m really not the sort of person who sits around making crafts, so I didn’t compose any other blog posts dedicated to the subject of my craftiness.

What a mistake that was!  After reading style.com’s review of the S/S 2011 Balmain show, I realize that my criticism of the label was simply ahead of its time.  I probably could have become the next Martha Stewart if I only would have stuck to what I apparently know best.  Now I suppose it’s too late, since Sears Canada is no longer selling $4.94 Balmain shirts on its website, and I’ve got no spare Balmain tags to sew to my creations.

Oh well!  Perhaps I’ll revive Craft Corner, anyway.  I could cut a hole in a parachute, wear it over my head and call it “minimalism.”  Anyone got a spare Jil Sander tag that they’re not using?

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September 30, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Posted in Random Reviews

Breaking News: Tyra Enjoys Eating Food

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ANTM

I make fun of Tyra Banks all the time.  But I do believe that she’s far more self-aware than most people believe when she’s serving up her own brand of maniacal egotism on “America’s Next Top Model.”  On last night’s episode, for instance, she was shown inhaling a plate of goodies in front of some of the contestants.  If I had to choose between Naomi Campbell’s brand of image control and Tyra’s deliberate self-parody, I’d take Tyra any day.  At least she’s not denying what everyone already knows.

Anyway, the back row of the promo photo is still being decimated on a weekly basis, even though Kacey seems to be sticking around well past her due date.  I’ve been predicting her demise since the first week, but she’s been hanging on rather inexplicably.  She’s a pretty girl, but she’s not a model.  I don’t know what the panel was smoking when they awarded her with a second-place call-out last night, just after Ann got another first call-out.  Both of them looked like forty-year-olds in their beauty shots.  They were supposed to selling jewelry, not Oil of Olay.

Rhianna, however, looked her age.  What she didn’t look was pretty.  There was such a lack of distinct bone structure to her face in the shot that she looked like a Mrs. Potato Head with the features stuck on.  Liz, on the other hand, looked like Mr. Potato Head for all the same reasons.  Yechh!  Her shot was so much worse than all the other, but she was the episode’s challenge winner.  Maybe that was enough to keep her around for another few weeks.

In other news, Jane is the prettiest, most-modelesque girl to set foot into the ANTM house since Anya.  I just hope that she learns how to model soon because her skills aren’t exactly blowing away the competition.  Esther finally got the photo that I’ve been waiting to see, getting compared to a young Elizabeth Taylor at panel.  Kayla looked like Kellie Pickler as Ariel, The Little Mermaid in her photo, and Chelsey looked like Pandora Boxx in hers.  Chris once again showed that the most busted girls can be models if they photograph well.  She’s this season’s Furonda.

I’ve already forgotten about the rest.  Perhaps that’s a blessing . . .

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September 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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Happy Birthday, Fran Drescher

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Fran Drescher & Snoop Dogg

Happy birthday, Fran Drescher.  Sorry, the only picture I could find to accompany this post was your wedding photo . . .

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September 30, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Jil Sander

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Jil Sander

I wasn’t going to post a review of the Jil Sander show because I ran out of time to write one.  The past couple of days have been very busy for me, so I haven’t been blogging much.  I have, however, been able to catch up with much of the Milan Fashion Week criticism that’s been published over the last few days, including the overwhelmingly glowing reviews of the Jil Sander show.

I try to write my reviews before I read anyone else’s.  It’s a little game I play with myself in order to ensure that my critiques are not influenced by the opinions of those critics who are lucky enough to attend the shows.  This season I’ve been on the same page as most of my fellow reviewers, with a few notable exceptions.  I thought the Prada show was awful.  I can see a few pieces selling, but the overall look of the collection made me believe that the company was committing commercial suicide.  Most women don’t like to look like clowns.

I sort of feel the same way about much of the Jil Sander collection, although I will admit that I liked about half the clothes that were presented on the runway.  Horizontal stripes, like those at Prada, made a couple of gigantic outfits appear even more cartoon-like.  Some orange peplums reminded me specifically of clown clothes.  A gigantic floral housedress had me thinking about floats from the Tournament of Roses Parade — not a look most women are going to emulate.

As I already mentioned, there were outfits I liked.  Yet the colorful suit separates were done better at Gucci.  The oddball color schemes were more successful at Jonathan Saunders or Christopher Kane.  The semi-sheer knits held a more-flattering shape at Michael Kors.  And the voluminous evening gowns at Bottega Veneta made the models appear sexy, not swallowed up in a sea of fabric.

I’ve got to wonder if a few of these critics have lost touch with what’s actually commercially viable in fashion.  I appreciate the artistry of Raf Simons and the singular vision he brings to the Jil Sander label, but I have to wonder if there’s always going to be a place for him in fashion when he’s so eager to make women look shapeless under their clothes.

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September 29, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Posted in Random Reviews

Happy Birthday, Zachary Levi

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Zachary Levi

Happy birthday, Zachary Levi.  Hey, aren’t you on that NBC show that people actually like?  Good luck with that . . .

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September 29, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Naomi Watts

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Naomi Watts

Happy birthday, Naomi Watts.  You’re like Nicole Kidman, only likeable!

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September 28, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Meat Loaf

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Meat Loaf

Happy birthday, Meat Loaf.  It’s not polite to point, unless you’re telling Susan Sarandon to cheer the **** up, that is.

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September 27, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Melissa Sue Anderson

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Melissa Sue Anderson

Happy birthday, Melissa Sue Anderson.  In order to pay homage to you, Pamela Sue Martin and Vicki Sue Robinson, I’ve decided to change my name to Prunella Sue Crudsworth.  It has a nice ring to it, huh?

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September 26, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Versace

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Versace

From the worst show of the season to the best show so far . . .

I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but I often got mixed messages from Gianni Versace’s designs for Versace.  The high-octane glam message came across loud and clear, but often it was muted by a voice in my head that repeatedly chanted “tacky, tacky, tacky, tacky . . .”

It was probably a sign of the times more than anything.  Like everyone else, I was over opulence around the time Versace was murdered.  I wanted the house to move into a more modern version of itself.  Everything in fashion needs to be new.  Everyone needs to reinvent themselves.  Fashion stands still for no one — not even its icons.

So it took a death in the family to bring Versace into a new era.  Yes, it’s tragic, but it’s true.  Donatella Versace did reinvent the house from top to bottom.  Of course the finances of the company suffered, but there was still enough money there to ride the tide into a new era of opulence.  Now that we’re there, Versace is becoming one of the most covetable labels in fashion.

Using house signatures such as the Grecian key, cut outs and an electricfied color palette, Donatella not only paid homage to her brother’s empire, but also presented a collection that was perfectly on trend and as distinctive as anything I’ve seen all season.  Elements such as crochet, fringe and cacaphonic prints were present, yet nothing could distract from the innovation in construction that was intended for one purpose only: To make the Versace woman look like the bombshell she was born to be.

I lambasted Miuccia Prada in my previous review for creating an “ugly pretty” show that only said to me “I’m trying too hard.”  What I got from this show was the idea that Donatella is trying harder than anyone else in the luxury business to actually sell the clothes that she’s presenting on the runway.  Almost every other luxury label seems to be concerned primarily with brand building and licensing.  Only Versace seems to be this invested in creating and selling actual fashion, and she’s doing it with more panache than almost anyone else in the business.

Bravo!

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September 26, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Posted in Random Reviews

Happy Birthday, Heather Locklear

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Heather Locklear

Happy birthday, Heather Locklear.  I’ve been told that if Sammy Jo Carrington and Amanda Woodward had a baby, she would be a lot like me.  I guess I should be honored . . .

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September 25, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old