Archive for October 2010
Happy birthday, Ciara. I hope this day will be at least as thrilling as the time you got to meet “America’s Next Top Model.” Oh, who am I kidding? Your entire life is going to be one big letdown after that. Sorry!
Happy birthday, Bradley Darryl Wong. Bradley Darryl? I don’t know why I expected your full name to be something else, but I did.
Happy birthday, Ryan Reynolds. You know, Scarlett Johansson is a beautiful girl, but you and Bradley Cooper make the cutest couple. I say go for it!
Happy birthday, Joan Fontaine. It’s almost a century later and you’re still feuding with your sister, Olivia de Havilland. There’s only one place to settle an argument that’s gone on this long, and that’s the dance floor!
Poor Kendal was a model (the noun) but she didn’t know how to model (the verb). After receiving a lesson in grammar from Tyra Banks on last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model,” Kendal was sent back home to Alabama where Tyra encouraged her to learn more about the business from the local yokels. What great advice!
My girl Esther — the prettiest face this show has seen since cycle six — was also in the bottom two. Playing a man in the photo shoot proved to be difficult for both Esther and Jane, but not for Ann. She slouched on a stool wearing the same expression on her face that she’s worn during every photo shoot and received the requisite tongue bath for her stellar efforts. I’m really becoming annoyed by the constant praise of judging panel when it comes to Ann. I have an idea, André. Get the girl to smile and see how much you like her. The girl has gums for days!
In other groundbreaking news, Chris likes to jump, Liz is a single mom who works two jobs and Kayla is a lesbian who didn’t sleep in a bed until she was fourteen. Esther is Jewish, too, but so far we haven’t been beaten over the head with that bit of information, which makes me think that she’s in it for the long haul. Before the show began, I picked Kayla, Esther and Jane to go all the way, and I’m still quite happy with my predictions. I’ll be even happier when Ann’s fall from grace becomes the primary storyline for a couple of weeks. I’ve seen enough awkward-girl-who-comes-out-of-her-shell edits to last me a lifetime. Give me something new and unpredictable, Tyra, like a Jewish-chick-with-a-nice-rack edit. At least I won’t be able to say that I saw it coming!
Happy birthday, Kim Kardashian. Your old Auntie understands how you were compelled to pose nude on a magazine cover to prove that you’ve still got it at thirty-years-old. Your demure wardrobe and discrete public profile had left so much to the imagination . . .
Male model David Gandy revealed that he was too fat to fit into the clothes at a Dior Homme fashion show (click the link above to read more).
Well, maybe “fat” isn’t the right word since the guy actually looks great. This story reminds me of the Behati Prinsloo “fat pig” story, where a casting agent used those words to describe the model. Next thing you know, she was signing a contract with Victoria’s Secret and laughing all the way to the bank.
Guys like David Gandy won’t ever go out of style because there are only a handful of people who believe that scrawny, emaciated people are attractive. Unfortunately, most of those people work in the fashion business. Nevertheless, a healthier-looking model is coming back into vogue. Thank Zob for small miracles! There’s not a thing wrong with a guy who looks like he could kick your bony ass into next week.
I’ve already had to say this once this week, but I don’t want to seem like the biggest bitch on the Canadian fashion scene. Still, LG Toronto Fashion Week is disappointing me more and more with each show I see. Case in point: Mikhael Kale. Yechh!
I have seen some decent clothes on the runway. Pink Tartan was good, yet a little scattered. I saw a few things to like at Evan Biddell in the shows leading up to LGFW. Vawk was okay. Denis Gagnon stole the show, however, at the Holt Renfrew opening night extravaganza. The somewhat optic five-piece capsule collection was far more interesting than anything I’ve seen on a Canadian runway in a while. I looked around the web to find out a little more about the main line, which led me here. And let me tell you, I was thrilled to see someone in Canada doing work of such high quality from both a technical and a creative standpoint. Maybe I should start paying attention to Montreal Fashion Week, after all.
Gagnon’s big show in Toronto doesn’t hit the runway for a couple of days. Nevertheless, I’m expecting to be wowed. With David Dixon only showing in Montreal this year, Gagnon really doesn’t have a lot of competition. Well, that’s not exactly true. Attitude by Sears has been pulling out all the stops for the past couple of seasons. It’s still Canada’s best-kept fashion secret. If you’re not even going to attempt to be in the same league as Dixon and Gagnon, then at least make some cute, cheap clothes that make girls look good. Attitude is doing that better than anyone else in the business.
Happy birthday, Candice Swanepoel. I don’t want to alarm you, but you should know that if you pose like that too many times, one day your back might get stuck in that position. Just ask my friend Rusty . . .