Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for March 2012

I’d do my makeup like this . . .

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Burger King

. . . but I’m kinda into tacos.

This is an actual Burger King ad from the Netherlands.  It’s actually quite pretty, although I doubt a lot of women could pull it off because it looks quite difficult to execute.  I suppose that it would go a long way toward attracting a man, though.  My friend Rusty has a similar strategy.  He perfumes himself with french fries, rubbing them behind his ears and sticking them down his pants before he goes out on dates . . .

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March 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Winter 2004

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Cover: Winter 2004

Context: On January 3, Britney Spears marries Jason Allen Alexander, a childhood friend, in Las Vegas.  The marriage is annulled two days later.  “The Apprentice” premieres on NBC on January 7.  Queen Elizabeth II christens the RMS Queen Mary 2 cruise liner, the largest passenger ship afloat, on January 8.  Despite earning mostly negative reviews, the Jennifer Aniston vehicle “Along Came Polly” debuts at number-one in the US on January 16, pulling in almost $28 million in its opening weekend.

Points of Interest: Before this cover hit the shelves, Britney Spears’ reputation was mostly squeaky-clean, aside from a kiss from Madonna at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards.  Afterward, not so much.  I blame “FASHION” . . .

What Tyra Would Say: “I’m going to give you a superhero name in order to help you define your brand within the fashion industry.  Your name is Cheetosia . . .”.

What Auntie Fashion Says: All the Susie Sheffman styling in the world still can’t convince me that this is a magazine that I’d want to buy.  It’s Britney Spears, for Zob’s sake!

Grade: D.

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March 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Posted in 30 Years of FASHION

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Happy Birthday, Jessica Szohr

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Jessica Szohr

Happy birthday, Jessica Szohr.  I just discovered that you’re from my friend Rusty’s home state of Wisconsin.  That explains a few things . . .

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March 31, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Mark Consuelos

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Mark Consuelos

Happy birthday, Mark Consuelos.  I watched you and your wife fighting on “Live!” this morning, just hours before your trip to Banff.  Be careful!  It’s far easier to fake a cougar attack than you realize . . .

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March 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Another Reason to Adore Susie Sheffman

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Everyone already knows that I think that Susie Sheffman is a national treasure.  Her body of work at “FASHION” over the years has never failed to amaze me.  Still, she’s like the gift that keeps on giving.

I was watching a segment on “InFashion” this past Sunday where the show tagged along on Sheffman’s working vacation to the Bahamas (nice work if you can get it, huh?).  Anyway, one of the photographs that resulted from the shoot has become my favorite fashion image in recent memory.  I haven’t fawned over a photo like this since Raquel Zimmermann posed with a dozen snakes for Alexander McQueen.  I’d hang it on my wall if I could.

When last September’s S/S Prada show showed aquamarine and shell pink clothes, I doubted that I was ready for the trend to come back because the colors reminded me of porcelain bathroom fixtures from the 1950s.  With one perfectly-styled image, Susie Sheffman has convinced me that aquamarine is my new favorite color.

That’s all it took, and that’s all it should take.  When you’re good at your job, your work shouldn’t just speak for itself: it should make people want more.  I always want more from Susie Sheffman and that’s the greatest compliment I could probably give anyone in the fashion business.

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March 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm

The Most Glamorous Prize Yet

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While I picked Eboni to win “America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion” from the get-go, Sophie is quickly becoming my sentimental favorite of the season so far.  Not only is she the most likeable contestant of this cycle, but she seems to loathe Seymone, the least likeable person of this cycle.

I was delighted to see Sophie book four shows at Toronto Fashion Week, including the prestigious Pink Tartan show.  I was even more delighted that a spot in the Greta Constantine show wasn’t part of the prize.  Those guys get enough publicity for their terrible label already.  Instead, Sophie and Eboni tied to win the most glamorous prize ever awarded in the history of ANTM: a trip to the Calgary Stampede.  I wonder if they know how lucky they are?  I wonder if they realize that last year the guest of honor at the event was none other than the Duchess of Cambridge?  I wonder if they’ve already gone shopping for some cowgirl clothes?  Anyway, since Calgary is just a hop, skip and jump from the Fortress of Pulchritude where I make my home, I may actually attend the event this year.  Sophie, dear, if you need a chaperone, you know who to call.

In other news, Ashley was put on a plane and sent back to Scotland after failing to convey the same sort of pleasure evident in Seymone’s face when the plus-sized model was drenched in maple syrup.  Unsurprisingly, nothing wiped the sour expression off of Seymone’s mug faster than the promise of pancakes.  All I know is that I’m glad that I wasn’t on set when the shoot wrapped up.  If you thought that she was surly after she failed to book any runway shows, just imagine how miserable she got when the flapjacks didn’t arrive.  Yikes!

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March 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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Happy Birthday, Peter Porte

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Peter Porte

Happy birthday, Peter Porte.  I know that soap operas tend to accelerate the aging process of some characters, but I’m still waiting for “The Young and the Restless” to explain how Eva Longoria’s character has a twenty-seven-year-old son . . .

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March 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old