Archive for April 2012
Happy birthday, Len Goodman. Just a seven? I knew my friend Rusty shouldn’t have taken his shirt off . . .
Anyone who reads my blog knows that I have a sore spot when it comes to reality shows that cast people to be on other TV shows. My personal experience with “Fashion File Host Hunt” turned me into the jaded old hag I am today. One day you’re a fresh-faced ingenue ready to take your turn in the spotlight, and the next day you’re Naomi Watts rotting corpse in “Mulholland Drive.” Sigh . . .
Still, I can’t think of a better way for Tyra Banks to bring her former superfans back into the fold besides producing a reality show to fill Nigel Barker’s seat on the judges’ panel of “America’s Next Top Model.” If the show has been suffering for the past few cycles, it’s because of its lack of self-referential humor. At its peak, it was the guiltiest pleasure on televsion. Then it became the show that everyone loved to hate. Recently, however, it’s become the show that everyone hates. Dropping ratings aren’t the only problem. The fan forums that I used to haunt at “Television Without Pity” were once the funniest places to hang out on the Internet. Lately, they’ve become a ghost town. It’s not even that much fun to mock the show anymore.
The problem is that no one can hold up a mirror to Tyra. Like almost any CEO who has graduated from Harvard Business School, she prefers to be surrounded by yes-men. The one thing that would make me love the show again would be to see someone seated beside her who not only knew everything about the history of the show, but also someone who could keep Tyra’s ego in check. She needs some serious snark in her life. While I’m not really a fan of people who always see the proverbial glass as half-empty, I’d rather listen to the cynical ranting of a bitchy superfan than the half-baked drivel that comes out of the mouths of the current crop of judges.
The worst thing about “ANTM” is that it has always failed to recognize its failures. By casting a fan to sit next to Tyra Banks and remind her that she hasn’t yet reinvented the wheel, the show might find its model-like legs again. For now, though, it’s barely got a leg to stand on, and that leg is thick and stumpy, and it’s wearing flats to a go-see, and it still hasn’t learned its angles, and it’s losing its spark . . .
Drop arm: A style of eyeglasses distinguished by a dropping arm that creates a low junction between the arm and the rim. Drop arm glasses and sunglasses were popular throughout the 1980s, especially those sold as part of the Sophia Loren Collection. Recently, labels such as Balenciaga have sold similar large-lensed, drop-arm designs.
Happy birthday, Lee Majors. I tried to find a wedding photo of you and Farrah Fawcett, but all I could dig up was this picture from one of your other marriages . . .
Happy birthday, Amber Heard. Usually the joke just writes itself, but I’ve got nothing today. Either you’re kind of boring or I need another cup of coffee . . .
. . . or can you?
Remember when Julia Roberts won her Best Actress Oscar in 2000 and took the stage in a gorgeous, vintage Valentino gown? I remember, although I was quite drunk by the time she accepted the award — gawd that show goes on forever! Anyway, the dress has gone on to be considered one of the all-time red-carpet classics, appearing on numerous best-of-the-best lists.
I also remember the Golden Globe Awards a couple of years later. Sela Ward showed up to the ceremony in a Valentino gown looking like a gift that was going to keep on giving and giving and giving — at least until those three bows on the bodice were untied. At the time, I honestly believed that it was the worst red carpet dress I had ever seen in years. The combination of Valentino red, shiny tafetta, prissy bows and slutty cutouts just didn’t do a thing for this old bird.
And I suppose you’re wondering why I’m telling you this? Five years later, Claudia Schiffer wore the exact same dress to an event and everyone but me was gushing over it (even the commentator on the site I just linked described it as “unlike anything I’ve seen before.” I guess that I was the only one who watched the 2002 Golden Globes.) Of course, I still thought it was the tackiest thing I’d ever seen in my life.
And that reminds me that Wear a Gown to Work Day is less than five weeks away. I started the holiday because I realized that panning every red carpet misstep and criticizing special-event dressing in general only makes me sound like a bitch. I really don’t care what anyone else wears. If you want to wear a gown to work every day of the year, who am I to tell you not to wear a gown? If getting hog-tied in Valentino-red bows is your thing, then go ahead and enjoy yourself. If you want to wear vintage Valentino to the Met Gala, you should wear vintage Valentino. If you want to wear a one-legged, one-armed Spandex unitard while you perform Jazzercise on the front lawn on your apartment complex in Green Bay, Wisconsin, who am I to stop you?
Fashion may be a rather vain pursuit, but that doesn’t mean that I’d want to live without it.