Archive for January 2013
Media mogul Tyra Banks is about to add another feather to her capless lacefront wig: Broadway star!
“Even before I was seventeen and modeling in Paris, Broadway has always been a dream of mine,” Banks tells Auntie Fashion. “And although my best-selling debut novel ‘Modelland‘ isn’t a memoir, I’ve decided to adapt it to the stage as a one-woman show.”
But what does the host of “America’s Next Top Model” and former Harvard Business School graduate know about the theater? “Not enough!” admits Banks. “That’s why I’ve enlisted the help of Eve Ensler [‘The Vagina Monologues‘]. If she can make a talking vagina come to life onstage, just imagine what she can do for a **** like me!”
“Modelland” is expected to make its debut in time for the 2013-14 Tony Awards voting season.
Happy birthday, Kerry Washington. My astrologer tells me that you share your birthday with Carol Channing. I guess I can see the similarities, too. That’s what I get for waking up drunk . . .
In yesterday’s “London Calling,” the delightful weekly column by Sarah Mower on vogue.com, I spied these Nicholas Kirkwood platform pumps that validated my prediction that “Sea Slug Chic” is the trend to watch in 2013.
On October 2, 2012, I first drew attention to the humble nudibranch and its apparent influence on the S/S 2013 ready-to-wear collections. Now that Nicholas Kirkwood has been awarded the prestigious British Fashion Council/British Vogue Designer Fashion Fund prize, the Brits have given me the credit that I deserve as a prophet of trendiness, whether they know it or not.
And this is why you should all bow down at my altar. I could be posting photos dime-a-dozen of celebrities on red carpets or I could be giving you the sort of practical advice that would allow you to dress like the most spectacular mollusk in the sea. You’re lucky to have me, if I do say so myself . . .
Everyone who reads my blog knows that I adore squirrels. After my birthday during the Week of Incomprehensible Gorgeousness and Wear a Gown to Work Day in late May, Squirrel Appreciation Day is probably the most important day of the year on your old Auntie Fashion’s calendar. But as Groundhog Day approaches, I’m reminded that groundhogs are actually just big ground squirrels. They’re like the supermarket rag of the squirrel world: the more-pedestrian, rather bloated version of their more stylish cousin, the tree squirrel. More aptly, the tree squirrel is the “Vogue” to the groundhog’s “InStyle.” So then what does that make a blogger like me?
I suppose I’m a porcupine. After all, porcupines don’t have a special day to call their own. They’re vilified and misunderstood by almost everyone, and despite their delightful oddness, they’re usually treated with either apprehension or derision.
For that reason, I’ve decided that I’ve been celebrating the wrong rodent all along. I am no longer going to be the champion of Squirrel Appreciation Day that I have been since I began this blog almost five years ago. As far as I’m concerned, porcupines are the new squirrels, and you ought to be careful when you’re walking through the woods because I might fall out a tree and land on your head. Or worse, I might actually post something witty and subversive that draws attention to just how common so many of you are.
After a little soul-searching (and not so much blogging lately), I’m back. And this time I’ve brought my quills.
Happy birthday, Gene Hackman. You’re the Evil AntiZob to my spandex-clad superhero . . .