“People” Throws Gwyneth a Bone
Every year it’s the same old thing — “People” publishes its list of the most beautiful women in the world and my inbox is flooded with letters asking me why my name isn’t on the list. While anyone who reads my blog should know that I really don’t like to talk about myself, I suppose that I should explain why the magazine has snubbed your dear, old Auntie Fashion.
Simply put, it’s like comparing apples and orangutans. Someone of my incomprehensible gorgeousness can’t really be equated with someone as common as this year’s cover girl, Gwyneth Paltrow. Sure, she might appear to be pretty in her photo, but she looks like a dog’s breakfast next to me (why else would you think that we never go out in public together?). Hence, the snub. I would be offended if I hadn’t asked to be taken out of the running long ago.
Anyway, congratulations to Gwyneth for achieving this symbolic victory. After being named “The Most Hated Star in Hollywood” by “Star” magazine just a week ago, she could probably use a little cheering up. And by the way, I’m eagerly waiting for the “Star” to publish its list of the world’s most beloved celebrities just to who I would have beaten if I hadn’t humbly requested that my name be taken out of consideration in order to give everyone else a fighting chance on that list, too.
You know, sometimes I’m not sure what my best quality is: my humility or my beneficence. Or maybe it’s my beauty . . .