Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for the ‘Trend Warning’ Category

Dear Mother of Zob . . .

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DKNY

DKNY

. . . it’s Pre-Fall already!

I just stumbled across the DKNY Pre-Fall collection slideshow dated November 27, 2012, on vogue.com.  It’s a little overwhelming to see another season of shows when the last one just wrapped up.  Considering that Canadian labels are still showing their spring collections (Greta Constantine; David Dixon) and Karl Lagerfeld is just getting around to showing his annual Metier d’Arts show for Chanel, I’m feeling rather confused.  Where am I?  Who am I?  What time of year is it?

Fortunately, when the world of fashion has me feeling scattered, I find it easy to get grounded again by focusing my energy on something that I hate — like these stupid shoe/boot/sandals in the photo above.  I’d already seen several examples of the dumbest trend of the 21st century when I watched the Spring/Summer shows, but here they are again, straddling the next season.

Every day I sit down to write something on this blog that doesn’t make me sound like the bitchiest, most-jaded old hag in the fashion business.  Yet the fashion business gives me so much to loathe, like shoe/boot/sandals that not only have twelve buckles to fasten, but also leave your legs prone to the worst possible tan lines anyone can imagine.  What’s worse is that I know that this difficult-to-wear trend will be embraced by both women with tree trunk-sized calves and those who are far too short to pull it off.

Mark my words — it’s gonna get ugly!

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December 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

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Trend Watch: Sea Slug Chic

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Nudibranch

As the world’s foremost runway reviewer, it’s my job to notice trends bubbling up during the fashion shows before they spill over into the mainstream.  This season’s most unexpected fad definitely has to be the influence of the sea slug on the runways of Paris and Milan.

The humble nudibranch is a lovely little creature.  More colorful than common garden slug (and considerably less-slimy due to its aquatic habitat), the sea slug is a favorite subject of nature photographers.  Using its ruffled “foot” to move through the water by contracting and relaxing the muscles along its side, the elegant gastropod in the photo above is known as the “Spanish Dancer.”

Nudibranchs also have bilateral symmetry, which means that the sea slug has ruffles down the left side of its body that are identical to the ruffles down the right side of its body — much like many of the dresses that have alerted me to this new trend.  Check out this look at Gucci, for instance:

Gucci

Even the color scheme is similar.  But sea slugs come in a variety of shades, including simple black and white.  I believe that it was one of these creatures that inspired Riccardo Tisci at Givenchy:

Givenchy

Still, I wasn’t sure if this trend had legs . . . or . . . umm . . . slimy, muscular feet until I saw the final look at Chloé . . .

Chloé

. . . where it became abundantly clear that any fashionista worth her weight in McQueen “Armadillo” shoes will be looking to these fabulous denizens of the deep for inspiration the Spring/Summer 2013 season.

Mark my words, people: sea slug chic is here!

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October 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

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More leather shorts . . .

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Vogue

After making fun of the leather shorts that I saw on every second runway during the recent S/S 2013 menswear shows, I’m seeing leather shorts everywhere else.  It’s as if all the stylists in the fashion business share a collective brain and that brain was plucked from a jar of formaldehyde labeled “abnormal.”

Check out this latest feature on vogue.com that claims “pieces like the soft blue floral windbreaker, short, and shirt — all fully functional in the latest tech fabrics and performance fits — blend effortlessly with seasonal trends such as leather shorts or embellished tops without looking like they came straight from your gym bag.”  Well, that’s nice, but don’t forget that you’re still wearing stupid leather shorts.

I like trends, and I even like when fashion gets a little ridiculous, but I’ve been around long enough to know when a trend of today is destined to become the butt of the joke for all of posterity.  This is that trend.

Now as for purple suede lederhosen, that’s another story . . .

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August 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

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What Becomes a Classic Most

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Vogue

Just a couple of days ago I wrote an email to a friend of mine joking that she buy a pair of leather shorts for a famed, fashionable friend of hers.  I had seen the offending garments on a few of the menswear runways along with the usual ridicule-magnets, like transparent tops and Speedo-style swimsuits adorned with lace-up fronts.

Imagine my surprise when I clicked onto vogue.com this morning to see a pair of leather shorts featured in this article about how to wear this season’s prints.  The verdict is in: everything looks great with leather shorts!  They’re what we in-the-know call a “classic.”

Seriously, I hope that this isn’t a trend that takes off.  First of all, shorts are best worn in warm-weather; crotch-hugging leather isn’t.  Save them for October, or Oktober, or even Oktoberfest.  Still, I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am that I’ve seen both leather shorts AND overalls at the recent 2013 resort and menswear shows.  If logic prevails — as it always does in fashion — we should see plenty of designer lederhosen at next month’s couture shows.  Now there’s a trend I can get behind!

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June 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

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Dangly Crotch Bits!

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Luca Luca

I’m so glad I adopted this Three Word Runway Review format to deal with the onslaught of fashion shows, especially during New York Fashion Week?  Are they sure that they couldn’t fit in a few more shows?  Jeez!

Anyway, I have been noticing a few trends taking shape.  I’ll discuss the designers whom I believe are moving in the right direction in a few days.  But for now, I need to stop and ask why so many models have appeared on the runways with dangly bits of fabrics hanging between their legs?  Are dangly crotch bits the new vagina skirt?

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September 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Posted in Trend Warning

Anchors Aweigh

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Yves Saint Laurent

Just a moment ago I was cruising through the 2012 cruisewear shows when I came across this look at Yves Saint Laurent.  It seems as if YSL designer Stefano Pilati went a little literal with the cruise motifs this season — check out the giant anchor necklace!  Nevertheless, I liked the collection.  In fact, I liked it a lot more than most of his work at YSL.  Still, it reminded me of one thing in particular:

Spring 1984

In late 2008, I joked about buying a pair of gigantic anchor earrings for Jennifer Campbell at “FASHION Magazine” after I saw this magnificent pair on the Spring 1984 cover.  Who knew that only a couple of years later, gigantic anchors would suddenly become the hottest thing in fashion?  It just goes to show you that NOTHING is off-limits when it comes to trends, whether it’s jumpsuits, stirrup pants, fanny packs or gigantic anchors as accessories.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an appointment to get one tattooed on my upper arm.  You know me — I’m always one step ahead of fashion!

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June 4, 2011 at 2:44 pm

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Please, I’m begging you . . .

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Isabel Marant

Please, I’m begging you . . . don’t ever wear these boots!

I was just clicking through a slideshow of Candy Pratts Price’s most-desirable accessories on vogue.com where I saw that these horrible Isabel Marant boots were not only included, but listed as “price upon request.”  In fashion-talk, that means that you could probably send an underprivileged kid to college for a semester or two instead of owning the tackiest things I saw on any of the F/W 2011 runways.

I’m really not surprised that I’m seeing the boots again, only I expected to see them on an episode of the “Real Housewives” (Kim Zolciak would probably wear them), not on a list of the most-desirable accessories of the upcoming season.  I’d normally say “to each his own” and shrug it off because the greatest thing about fashion is the fact that anything can be fashionable.  But my natural aversion to anything made from white leather, anything that reads “price upon request” and anything that may have been worn during the filming of Debbie Gibson’s video for “Shake Your Love” prevents me from appreciating them as fashion.  They aren’t even campy enough to appreciate as camp.  Perhaps if they were made of buckskin and paired with a coonskin cap?  Or maybe not . . .

In the name of Zob, what were you thinking, Candy Pratts Price?

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April 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Posted in Trend Warning

The Trouble with Wearing Tribbles

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Tribbles

Most of my regular readers already know that I’m a big “Star Trek” fan.  I don’t believe I’ve missed an episode of the show in any of its various incarnations.  I even went out of my way to visit “The Star Trek Experience” in Las Vegas before it closed down.  While I was there, I purchased some tribbles in the gift shop.  Tribbles, if you don’t already know, are fictional space creatures that are known for their ability to procreate quickly, multiplying at a menacing rate.

Bad fashion trends also seem to be able to multiply menacingly.  One day you’ve never even heard of the trend, and the next day it’s everywhere.  Take this season’s tribble-like coats, skirts and dresses, for example.

I adored the Versace show, but I saw this dress made of fluffy young tribbles at a dozen shows already . . .

including Giles, where the look was a little hairier, using the hides of more mature tribbles  . . .

and at Gucci, where rare, longer-haired tribbles were skinned, dyed and made into coats . . .

and most notably at Dennis Basso, where especially luxurious, silken-haired tribbles were crafted into this fetching number.

While I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with any of these looks in principal, I have to say that when a single trend is seen on so many runways (these are just a few examples), it’s destined to become a cliché even before it’s been knocked off by Forever 21.  For the sake of fashion, do yourself a favor and avoid it altogether.  And if you can’t do it for fashion, think of the tribbles.  The poor, poor tribbles . . .

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February 26, 2011 at 6:01 pm

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Look-At-Me Boobs

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Fried Egg T-Shirt

The Cut has posted a funny slide show of what is likely to become S/S 2011’s most heinous trend: The boob patch.

Look-at-me boobs is one of my least favorite trends, second only to the vagina skirt.  Decking your rack out like a Christmas window at a department store is a strategy that’s best left to whores and anyone else who is interested in selling their wares.  But this new trend seems to be much less sparkly than the boob bedazzlements that have defined fashion for the past decade or so.  Today’s boob patches are more subtle, like the word “Juicy” on the ass of a track suit or a couple of fried egg decals on a T-shirt.

I suppose this what editors are calling “the new minimalism,” but I could be wrong.  It does happen sometimes.

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October 16, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Posted in Trend Warning

Are You Ready for This?

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Velvet

I saw a lot of camel on the F/W 2010 runways.  I also saw a lot of velvet.  I suppose that means that camel-colored velvet is going to be this upcoming season’s hottest fabric.  Camel-colored velvet overalls should be HUGE!

Anyway, velvet isn’t velour and you can’t just throw a silk velvet evening gown into the washing machine with a pair of jeans and some dirty towels.  So to help you, my loyal readers, understand the care requirements of this picky textile, I’ve cut-and-pasted a few words from fabrics.net regarding the care of velvet:

Velvet must be handled carefully and stored properly because folds and creases can permanently flatten the pile. If you need to get creases out of velvet you will need a steamer or a velvet board (a fat board that has hundreds of fine wires sticking out perpendicular). The velvet board helps to protect the pile while it is being ironed. Finer, plain weave velvets can only be dry-cleaned and are difficult to spot clean. Most knit velvets must also be dry-cleaned but some panné and other crushed velvet fabrics can be machine-washed. As always the best thing to do is read the manufacturer’s label for recommended care. Velvet is a beautiful and luxurious fabric to own but you must provide extra attention to the care and maintenance of this fabric.

Remember that when you’re shopping this autumn.  Purchasing fabrics that are difficult to care for is like getting a hairstyle you know you’re too lazy to maintain.  If you’re not the sort of person who is going to take an extra step or two to put yourself together, then don’t bother with this trend.  It’s trouble.  Soft, luxurious trouble, but trouble nonetheless.

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April 25, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Posted in Trend Warning