Auntie Fashion

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Posts Tagged ‘All-Stars

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 19.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 15/Third place.

Claim to Fame: Not just a lesbian, but a lesbian who managed to make almost every confessional about being a lesbian.

Pros: Young; a natural in front of the camera; good bones; could be the first lesbian winner of ANTM, and we all know how much Tyra likes her “Top Model firsts.”

Cons: Legs like tree stumps; a nose that can appear bulbous at certain angles; can be sabotaged by a bad hairstyle.

Fantasy Edit: After a stunning makeover that brings out all her best features, Kayla steamrolls the competition with professional skills that belie her age.

Likely Edit: Kayla breaks down at challenge after challenge, citing her lesbianism as the cause of her inability to contain her emotions.

Odds of Winning: 1/3.


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May 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 24.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 14/Third place.

Claim to Fame: Previously cut from the Cycle 12 auditions after a memorable on-camera meltdown, Angelea gleefully made the cut in Cycle 14.

Pros: Good bone structure; indeterminate ethnicity; can appear surprisingly chic and elegant; a strong drive to succeed.

Cons: Can look like a man in a drag; very rough around the edges; proved to be one of the worst posers in ANTM history during her original cycle.

Fantasy Edit: Graduating from charm school shortly after being eliminated from ANTM, Angelea tickles André Leon Talley’s rather ample fancy with her irreproachable manners and razor-sharp wit.

Likely Edit: Angelea and Dominique comprise the bottom two very early in the cycle where the judges try to tell them apart.

Odds of Winning: 1/50.

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May 17, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 21 (uncomfirmed).

Cycle/Position: Cycle 13/Runner-up.

Claim to Fame: Attended panel in outfits handsewn by her grandma, Wanda Sue.

Pros: Still young and fresh-looking; as likeable as any contestant ever to compete on the show; terrific skin; a face for beauty campaigns; placed second to the girl many fans claim was the best winner ever.

Cons: Too short; a protruding bottom lip that can resemble a platypus bill in photos; an often unintelligible accent; a lamb in the lion’s den.

Fantasy Edit: Laura returns to show measuring 5’11”, explaining that she had only estimated her height during her original cycle because — in her own words — “We don’t know how to do nothin’ right in Kentucky!”

Likely Edit: Laura makes it far into the competition based upon her portfolio, but is literally overshadowed by the taller contestants.

Odds of Winning: 1/20.

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May 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 23

Cycle/Position: Cycle 12/Runner-up.

Claim to Fame: Before competing on ANTM, Allison had already flirted with fame as an internet meme known as “Creepy-chan.”

Pros: Still looks like a teenager; allowing Allison to win can provide Tyra with the opportunity to redeem herself in the eyes of the die-hard fans who reacted poorly to Teyona’s win; there is no girl in the business who looks like Allison.

Cons: Unlikely to appeal to a wide variety of clients; very little variation in her facial expressions; there is no girl in the business who looks like Allison.

Fantasy Edit: Setting a precedent unseen on previous seasons of ANTM, both Jay and Miss J take the opportunity to help Allison learn the skills necessary to become a top model.

Likely Edit: Allison makes it deep into the competition simply because she looks young enough to be a model.

Odds of Winning: 5/9.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 24.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 11/Sixth place.

Claim to Fame: After denying that she had undergone breast augmentation, Sheena came clean about her fake boobs at panel.

Pros: An outgoing personality; very telegenic; Asian models are currently very fashionable and ANTM has never crowned an Asian winner.

Cons: Too hoochie; not particularly photogenic; once modeled for She by Shereé, tarnishing her image for all of eternity.

Fantasy Edit: After being eliminated in her own season with one of the weakest portfolios of recent memory, Sheena surprises the photographers and judges alike with her newly-developed modeling skills.

Likely Edit: Sheena makes it as far as she did in her original cycle before the judges conclude that she can’t take a good photo to save her life.

Odds of Winning: 1/100.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Isis King

Current Age: 25

Cycle/Position: Cycle 11/Tenth place.

Claim to Fame: The first transgendered ANTM contestant.  After appearing on the show, Tyra Banks introduced Isis to the doctor who would eventually perform her gender reassignment surgery, all-expenses paid.

Pros: Has grown fond of bikini shoots; another trangendered model, Lea T, is currently in high demand; likely to be a breath of fresh air in a house full of blowhards.

Cons: Already lost spark once; a face that may have been fashionable in the late 70s; not the greatest poser; one slightly-lazy eye.

Fantasy Edit: As Tyra and André Leon Talley look on in disbelief, Nigel Barker recuses himself as a judge mid-season to propose to Isis.

Likely Edit: Despite her fierceness, the judges conclude that Isis is “not a model.”

Odds of Winning: 1/10,000.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Current Age: 26.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 10/Fourth place.

Claim to Fame: Won a legitimate modeling contract on Tyra Banks‘ talk show while competing on an ANTM spin-off called “Modelville.”

Pros: Surprisingly photogenic, especially in close-up; one fabulously-arched eyebrow; the ability to pose gracefully; never forgets to set her alarm clock.

Cons: Often compared to a drag queen; can appear more New Jersey than Ohio; doesn’t “have a husband.”

Fantasy Edit: Dominique surprises the judges by embracing a gender-bending look, competing for a corner of the market once dominated by models such as Ève Salvail and Omahyra.

Likely Edit: Dominique gets lost in the crowd of man-faced contestants and is quickly forgotten.

Odds of Winning: 1/1000.

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May 16, 2011 at 6:03 am