Auntie Fashion

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Posts Tagged ‘All-Stars

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Allison

Current Age: 23

Cycle/Position: Cycle 12/Runner-up.

Claim to Fame: Before competing on ANTM, Allison had already flirted with fame as an internet meme known as “Creepy-chan.”

Pros: Still looks like a teenager; allowing Allison to win can provide Tyra with the opportunity to redeem herself in the eyes of the die-hard fans who reacted poorly to Teyona’s win; there is no girl in the business who looks like Allison.

Cons: Unlikely to appeal to a wide variety of clients; very little variation in her facial expressions; there is no girl in the business who looks like Allison.

Fantasy Edit: Setting a precedent unseen on previous seasons of ANTM, both Jay and Miss J take the opportunity to help Allison learn the skills necessary to become a top model.

Likely Edit: Allison makes it deep into the competition simply because she looks young enough to be a model.

Odds of Winning: 5/9.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Sheena

Current Age: 24.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 11/Sixth place.

Claim to Fame: After denying that she had undergone breast augmentation, Sheena came clean about her fake boobs at panel.

Pros: An outgoing personality; very telegenic; Asian models are currently very fashionable and ANTM has never crowned an Asian winner.

Cons: Too hoochie; not particularly photogenic; once modeled for She by Shereé, tarnishing her image for all of eternity.

Fantasy Edit: After being eliminated in her own season with one of the weakest portfolios of recent memory, Sheena surprises the photographers and judges alike with her newly-developed modeling skills.

Likely Edit: Sheena makes it as far as she did in her original cycle before the judges conclude that she can’t take a good photo to save her life.

Odds of Winning: 1/100.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Isis King

Current Age: 25

Cycle/Position: Cycle 11/Tenth place.

Claim to Fame: The first transgendered ANTM contestant.  After appearing on the show, Tyra Banks introduced Isis to the doctor who would eventually perform her gender reassignment surgery, all-expenses paid.

Pros: Has grown fond of bikini shoots; another trangendered model, Lea T, is currently in high demand; likely to be a breath of fresh air in a house full of blowhards.

Cons: Already lost spark once; a face that may have been fashionable in the late 70s; not the greatest poser; one slightly-lazy eye.

Fantasy Edit: As Tyra and André Leon Talley look on in disbelief, Nigel Barker recuses himself as a judge mid-season to propose to Isis.

Likely Edit: Despite her fierceness, the judges conclude that Isis is “not a model.”

Odds of Winning: 1/10,000.

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May 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Dominique

Current Age: 26.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 10/Fourth place.

Claim to Fame: Won a legitimate modeling contract on Tyra Banks‘ talk show while competing on an ANTM spin-off called “Modelville.”

Pros: Surprisingly photogenic, especially in close-up; one fabulously-arched eyebrow; the ability to pose gracefully; never forgets to set her alarm clock.

Cons: Often compared to a drag queen; can appear more New Jersey than Ohio; doesn’t “have a husband.”

Fantasy Edit: Dominique surprises the judges by embracing a gender-bending look, competing for a corner of the market once dominated by models such as Ève Salvail and Omahyra.

Likely Edit: Dominique gets lost in the crowd of man-faced contestants and is quickly forgotten.

Odds of Winning: 1/1000.

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May 16, 2011 at 6:03 am

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Bianca

Current Age: 22.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 9/Fourth place.

Claim to Fame: Told eventual winner Saleisha Stowers to “check ya thighs out in da mirra.”

Pros: Not ancient; wears wigs well; a potential gold mine of bitchy confessionals; has amassed some impressive post-show work.

Cons: Constantly criticized for lacking innate talent; perceived as a bully; already lost to the worst winner in ANTM history.

Fantasy Edit: Guest judge Nikki Blonsky and Bianca finally make peace with one another en route to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan — this cycle’s international destination — bringing credence to the old adage, “Moose Jaw is for lovers.”

Likely Edit: Bianca is praised for developing the skills she lacked during her original cycle.

Odds of Winning: 1/3.

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May 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Lisa D’Amato

Current Age: 29.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 5/Sixth place.

Claim to Fame: Peed in a diaper to impress Steve-O.

Pros: Years of experience in all aspects of modeling; great bone structure; tremendous self-confidence.

Cons: Looked her current age six years ago during her original cycle; “alcoholic bitch“; a vocal critic of the show.

Fantasy Edit: A demure, fresh-faced Lisa wins over the judges with her humble demeanor while simultaneously winning over her fellow contestants with her cupcake-baking skills.

Likely Edit: Lisa refuses to apologize to Tyra for speaking out against the show and is the first contestant eliminated.

Odds of Winning: 1/1,000,000,000,000.

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May 15, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Bre

Current Age: 26.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 5/Third place.

Claim to Fame: After her granola bars were stolen, Bre berated a fellow contestant with the words “You will not win this competition because you are an ugly person, and God don’t like ugly . . . he don’t like it!”

Pros: Post-show modeling success; genuine growth in ability; seems to get better looking every day.

Cons: Very commercial; a short temper; rarely showers.

Fantasy Edit: As Tyra challenges the final four contestants to face their demons in a one-on-one impromptu photo shoot, Bre admits that she stole her own granola bars.

Likely Edit: Bre impresses the judges with the skills she’s developed since leaving the show, yet is eliminated in the finale for being too commercial.

Odds of Winning: 1/4.

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May 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Brittany

Current Age: 29.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 4/Fourth place.

Claim to Fame: An uncanny resemblance to a young Janice Dickinson.

Pros: Willing to simulate sex on camera while drunk; displays a high resistance to contagious impetigo; thought Keenyah was full of crap.

Cons: Walks the line between sexy and hoochie; capable of losing spark; starting to resemble a middle-aged Janice Dickinson.

Fantasy Edit: Brittany and Camille form a Bible-study group and their faith in God takes them straight to the top.

Likely Edit: Brittany is still too sexy to be America’s Next Top Model.

Odds of Winning: 1/100,000.

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May 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Camille

Current Age: 33.

Cycle/Position: Cycle 2/Fifth place.

Claim to Fame: Exclaimed “This is my signature walk and this is what’s going to make me famous” not long before she was eliminated for several reasons, including her signature walk.

Pros: None.

Cons: A terrible attitude; a susceptibility to disfiguring allergic reactions; a signature walk that makes Zob cry; older than dirt.

Fantasy Edit: In the ultimate redemption arc, underdog Camille makes it to the final two because of her loveable personality and upbeat nature.

Likely Edit: Camille is the first girl eliminated when the judges concur that she looks old enough to be the mother of a few other contestants.

Odds of Winning: 1/1,000,000,000.

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May 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Meet the ANTM All-Stars

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Shannon

Current Age: 26

Cycle/Position: Cycle 1/Runner-Up

Claim to Fame: Chosen by God to place second to a former drug addict/future centerfold model.

Pros: Commercial/catalogue appeal; a lean, wiry body suited to both runway and editorial work; a Karolina Kurkova ear-to-ear grin.

Cons: An unwillingness to pose nude; old as dirt; will look terrible in HD.

Fantasy Edit: Shannon undergoes a sexual awakening during a semi-nude photo shoot with fellow contestant Kayla.

Likely Edit: Shannon quits the competition after being asked to bunk with transgendered Isis.

Odds of Winning: 1/1,000,000.

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May 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm