Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Posts Tagged ‘ANTM

Leather Shorts Trend Dominates ANTM

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The Guy who Gets a Weave

ANTM

Okay, that headline may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I did spot at least two pairs of leather shorts on “America’s Next Top Model” this week.  I guess I was wrong when I spent an entire month making fun of the fad when it hit the runways during the F/W 2013 menswear shows.  If Tyra believes it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen!

Anyway, Phil and Jeremy were the lucky guys who got to wear the leather shorts as they posed like kitty cats at Alessandra Ambrosio’s feet.  Both of the aspiring models were savaged at the judging panel for this photo, and I really couldn’t understand the critiques.  Phil is engaging the viewer and I like the way his arm is coming forward.  Jeremy, however, looks as if he was interrupted during his push-ups.  Their scores weren’t very different, though.  Several other models took horrible photos and were awarded with glowing praise, including Cory whose go-to shot seems to be an intense smize/nostril flare, and Mike who was given a tongue bath for finally moving a muscle in his face.  It was all sort of weird.

The makeovers happened after the photo shoot, too, which was a strange turn of events; no one was able to work their new look in front of the cameras.  I was surprised by a few of the styling choices.  I didn’t like Alexandra at all, but she looks great with brown hair.  Phil’s Jesus-weave suits him, too, but I believe that anything would look good on him because he LOOKS LIKE A MODEL.  Cory looked good with a stubbly buzz-cut, but then they shaved his melon until he looked like a third-rate Furonda impersonator.  And poor plus-sized Chlea got a wig sewn to her head that reminded me of something Coco Montrese would wear.  I did want to see what she was going to do with all that hair, but the girl was sent packing faster than you could say “Alyssa Edwards.”

It looks as if were back to business-as-usual next week with a spinning runway that could possibly kill a model or two.  I hope so!  Between the arbitrary scoring and the format change, this was one of the least enjoyable makeover episodes of ANTM that I’ve ever seen.  If there was one element of the show that these morons in production needed to leave alone . . .

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August 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm

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Like a fine cheese . . .

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The Girl Who Gets Married Again

ANTM

After the rush of last week’s casting episode, “America’s Next Top Model: Guys and Girls” got down to business with an alternative wedding-themed photo shoot and a double elimination.  Short Chris was sent home, meaning that tall Chris will simply be known as “Chris.”  Speaking of names I can’t remember, I also didn’t know the difference between Jiana and Bianca until Bianca also got the boot.  Jiana, however, has become memorable to me because she reminds me of my heroine Cristal Connors in this girl-on-girl wedding photo.  I can’t be the only one who imagines that she’s thinking “You have great tits” while cozying up to Kanani.

On the topic of tits, Jeremy did a nudist-themed shoot with Jourdan where I noticed that his nipples seem to be a little too far apart, like Kate Moss‘ pupils (which sometimes seem to be focused on two directions at once).  Oh well — that hasn’t kept her from working!  In twenty years perhaps we’ll all be talking about Jeremy’s groundbreaking nipples that were single-handedly responsible for changing the modeling industry forever.

Nothing else surprising happened except for Marvin’s laughable horniness and Mike’s exceptionally drunken antics in the house.  Maybe he’ll be this season’s Lisa D’Amato!  Speaking of people who look twenty years older than they are, Kelly Cutrone was exceptionally vile this episode.  She doesn’t even make a good cartoon villain because even cartoon villains have something going for them, like a great outfit or a maniacal laugh.  Kelly Cutrone has nothing that makes me jealous.  Nothing.

Anyway, this episode was fun.  Next week’s it’s makeover time which is always good for a laugh.  No matter how old this show gets, I still think it’s deliciously fun.  It’s like a fine cheese that still tastes great even after you’ve cut off the moldy part.  Now if only Tyra Banks would realize that Kelly Cutrone is the moldy part . . .

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August 11, 2013 at 3:01 pm

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It’s about time . . .

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AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

Phil

After what seemed like an eternity, “America’s Next Top Model Cycle 20: Guys and Girls” premiered last night.  Tyra — don’t ever make me wait that long again!

Anyway, it was a pretty typical casting special where sob stories seemed to set up the elimination order for entire cycle.  I’m not even going to discuss the girls because I don’t believe that one of them will win. However, I will discuss the chances of the three men who will compete for the title.

First of all there’s Phil, who I believe is the one to beat.  He’s got the nicest nose I’ve ever seen and he looks like he just walked off a Comme des Garçons runway.  He’s sort of naive, though.  He actually claimed that models don’t look like him with his ratty beard — has he watched a menswear show in the last two years?

Next there’s Chris H., who has already been set up to be Phil’s arch rival.  Chris has a few things wrong with his face, but those are the sort of things that actually translate well to film; he is exceptionally photogenic. His story about overcoming a terrible upbringing is going to make him Tyra’s pet project this season.  His “permanent smize” is going to take him to the finale.  The editing has already set it up.

But there’s Mike, too, who is sort of a wild card.  Tyra hand picked the guy from obscurity.  If he can actually learn on his feet, he could go all the way to the end.  He’s got a more-commercial look that would bode well with the judges if they hadn’t picked a commercial winner during Cycle 19.  Furthermore, Tyra’s other pet-project, the transgendered contestant Virgg, dropped out because her hormone regimen was getting the best of her.

Now everyone knows how terrible I am at picking the winners on this show because I just can’t wrap my head around Tyra Banks’ perplexing, somewhat arbitrary logic, but I believe that two of these guys will comprise the top three.  For good measure, I’ll throw one girl in the mix, too.  The one who looks like Beverly Johnson should go far, maybe even far enough that I’ll bother to learn her name.

What do you think?

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August 3, 2013 at 5:04 pm

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I’m so happy I could cry!

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The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model

ANTM

After what seems like an eternity, the best show in the history of television returns for another season in less than two weeks!

Cycle 20 of “America’s Next Top Model” premieres on August 2.  This is great news for your old Auntie because I feel as if I’ve had nothing to blog about lately.  To be honest, fashion is sort of boring me.  I’d like to say that it’s my fault, but that would be a lie.  You’re all to blame.

For instance, just last week I bought the most unique Liberty Print shirt.  The week before that I purchased these terrific Calvin Klein loafers in a color that can only be described as “indescribable.”  And then yesterday, while I was planning my regular autumn junket to Las Vegas, I found a wallet that I’m going to buy at Bottega Veneta.  See — it’s not me.  It’s you!

The problem with fashion is that there is just too much of it.  There are too many fashion shows, too many fashion magazines, too many fashion designers, too many fashion critics, etc.  The same problem happened with “America’s Next Top Model.”  I can hardly believe that there have been nineteen women who have been awarded the title.  It seems like only yesterday when industry legends Saleisha Stowers and Jaslene Gonzales weren’t even household names yet.

Tyra Banks took a step back after last season, though, and cut the annual production of the show down to a single season.  Perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder and ANTM will regain some favor with the fans it has lost over the past couple of years.  Or maybe it will continue its downward spiral into oblivion like so many spent weave tracts clogging up the drains of the ANTM house.  In either case, it’s been a good run. But as a wise philosopher once said, “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.”  That’s fashion for you.

At any rate, I’m thrilled to have ANTM back on my TV screen.  I’m thrilled to have something else to blog about.  All you boring people aren’t making this easy for me.

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July 20, 2013 at 4:06 pm

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What in the name of Zob?

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Vogue

Vogue

Just in case you don’t recognize her, that’s former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant Analeigh Tipton in the last place you would ever expect to see a former ANTM contestant: on vogue.com’s weekly “10 Best Dressed” list.

Tyra must be so proud of not only discovering Analeigh, but also for teaching her everything she knows about fashion.  And this is probably the start of a regular parade of former contestants on the magazine’s website.  It wouldn’t surprise me at all to see Furonda there next, or maybe even Jael.  On that note, I wonder what she’s up to these days?

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February 4, 2013 at 3:53 pm

Jeff Colby’s Daughter is America’s Next Top Model

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Laura

Well, another season of “America’s Next Top Model” has come and gone, and once again I’m left scratching my head.  Last season it was because the girl I liked actually won the title, so I probably shouldn’t complain.  Probably . . .

Anyway, Laura James, the daughter of John James, beat out Leila and Kiara on last night’s finale episode.  John James played Jeff Colby on “Dynasty” and “The Colbys” throughout the 80s.  In fact, Jeff Colby and Fallon Carrington had a daughter named “Lauren” not long before the show wrapped up.  Although Laura claims that her mother is an former beauty queen from Australia, a little voice inside my head tells me that Laura really is Lauren Carrington and that her grandmother is Alexis Carrington.  Honestly, if that’s the only thing that’s going to make me like her, just let me believe it.

In other news, the judges scores were as arbitrary and illogical as ever.  Third-place winner Leila was told that she had the best campaign photo for Nine West and the best layout for “Nylon,” in addition to being a fan favorite since the show began, but her “high fashion” look wasn’t appropriate for a cycle that was obviously about choosing a “flawsome” girl with a curvy, Kate Upton-type body and a commercial look.  Thankfully, Tyra explained her strategy for picking a winner in the last two minutes of the show, otherwise I would have still been wondering the point of this cycle since she didn’t mention it during the previous eleven episodes.

Kiara came in second place even though this season was supposedly about the social media fans — and the social media fans hated her all along!  I actually liked her thirty-something look and I believe that she’s very telegenic.  I hope that she pursues acting or some other career where she can utilize her many talents, none of which is modeling.

And Laura won despite a sort of watered-down bitch edit.  She probably could have gotten the full-on bitch edit if it wasn’t for Kristin and Kelly Cutrone; how many bitches does one show need?  Nevertheless, I sort of enjoyed what Kristin brought to the show because if you’re going to be horrible, you can at least be pretty while you’re doing it — like Alexis Carrington!  Kelly Cutrone, on the other hand, is a full-on ogre, like Donald Trump.  Yet for some reason I can stomach his schtick and I can’t stand hers.  I guess that underneath his larger-than-life persona there is a shred of self-deprecation that makes me believe that he’s in on the joke.  Cutrone has none of that.  She’s not even the joke itself.  There’s nothing there to like.

All in all, there wasn’t that much to like about this “College Edition,” either.  It was a weak season with a flawed scoring system (“I hate this photo . . . I’ll give it an 8.”  “I love this photo . . . I’ll give it an 8.”)  The objective to embrace a more commercial look was never clear and no one did anything to mentor the models.  With “The Face” about to provide some competition to ANTM, and other “classic” reality shows actually providing some genuine entertainment because of good casting (both “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race” are wonderful this season), Tyra Banks had better do something more creative than just adding male models to the mix.  She ought to make her audience believe that her appointed winner stands a chance at a career as a professional model.  I usually don’t complain about the lack of actual modeling on this particular reality show, but this season it reached a new low.  Perhaps it wasn’t as low as Angelea vs. Lisa in the final two, but no one can prove that that really happened, right?

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November 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm

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Tyra Banks to Launch America’s Next Top Model: Celebrity Edition

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Heather McDonald & Ross Mathews

Move over, Donald Trump!  You’re not the only reality TV star with a hairline that defies the laws of nature and a celebrity edition!

The CW network has announced that Cycle 21 of the hit program “America’s Next Top Model” will feature celebrities competing for the prestigious title.  Rather than playing to earn a modeling contract, however, the contestants will be attempting to win a cash prize to donate to the charity of their choice.

“There are a lot of fierce celebrities out there,” claims the host and creator of the show, Tyra Banks.  “We’re not necessarily looking for the best model, but rather someone who will represent the integrity of the ANTM brand that I’ve been working to build since the time I was seventeen and modeling in Paris.”

Like the upcoming twentieth cycle of the popular program, the celebrity edition will also allow men to compete alongside the women, including Ross Mathews of “Chelsea Lately.”  “Ross has a million-dollar smize,” Banks adds, “not to mention a booty that won’t stop tooching.”

Joining Mathews is his “Chelsea Lately” costar, Heather McDonald.  Other celebrities contestants include Alex McCord of “The Real Housewives of New York,” pop star Aubrey O’Day, TV personality Star Jones, former “American Idol” host Brian Dunkleman and former Olympian Marion Jones.  Reality star Spencer Pratt, actor Corey Feldman, former Vice President candidate Paul Ryan, high-profile lawyer Gloria Allred and renowned drag artist Shangela round out the cast.

ANTM: Celebrity Edition” is scheduled to premiere this fall on the CW network.  Check your local listings.

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November 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm