Posts Tagged ‘Motorhome of Style’
About four years ago, my friend’s daughter was obsessed with Hilary Duff. One day I mentioned to him that I thought that the young starlet made a poor role model to a twelve-year-old girl because she wore as much makeup as a forty-something porn star who was trying to look twenty again. My friend really didn’t understand my concern. C’est la vie.
Since that time, the aforementioned daughter has started to dress in a style that appears to emulate Avril Lavigne rather than Hilary Duff. I couldn’t be more pleased! Lavigne might wear a lot of makeup, too, but she wears makeup that makes her look like a kid who is having fun with fashion. It’s rebellious and ridiculous and I love it.
For that reason, I’ve decided to invite Avril Lavigne onto the Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style. Avril, darling, you’ve influenced a generation of young girls to dress like young girls instead of old sluts, and for that I’m eternally grateful. This prestigious award not only includes a front row seat at Moose Jaw Fashion Week but also my love and adoration. That alone is worth Hilary Duff’s weight in Grammy Awards, don’t you think?
Yesterday I noticed that one of the sponsors of L’Oréal Fashionweek is an organization called Motor Home Travel Canada Inc. Since I’ve named Canada’s most prestigious style award the Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style, I imagine that should probably secure some sort of sponsorship deal with this company. Perhaps I could convince Ceri Marsh to reconsider attending Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 if I promised to put her up in one of their deluxe motorcoaches. It’s either that or a room at the Travelodge, which hasn’t exactly been getting stellar reviews. I’ll just book all twenty-eight rooms at the motel for the cast and crew of Fashion Television. It’s not like they’ve been doing your old Auntie any favors. Jeanne Beker will be so pissed when she discovers there’s no room service. Ha!
If Linda Evangelista is Canada’s most-memorable hair icon, CTV’s Sandie Rinaldo is a close second. I don’t believe there’s anyone else in this country who has a better relationship with her stylist. I assume that she’s been using the same person for a long time; you just don’t get such great cuts walking into the Clip ‘n’ Curl. You also don’t get such seamless transitions from one style to the next — her hair never seems to suffer from growing pains.
But styling aside, it takes a very stylish woman to constantly impress someone as stylish and fabulous as me, and for that reason I’m inviting Sandie to ride on the Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style.
Congratulations, Sandie. This honor is like a Pulitzer Prize and an Emmy Award rolled into one. It’s so prestigious, I’ve only awarded it to three other women so far. With your win, you’ll be sure to get a plum position when Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 finally arrives. Maybe I’ll let you sit next to Anna Wintour. Don’t be afraid to give her a few tips about changing her look. I’ve heard that she likes it when people give her unsolicited advice.
What is it about women who were born on August 16th? Madonna? Angela Basset? Rosey Edeh? There has to be something in the stars that makes them into hot, wiry hardbodies. I need discuss this with my astrologer friend, Greg.
Anyway, I have to admit that I didn’t really know much about Rosey Edeh until recently. I caught a glimpse of her in a figure-hugging tank dress during the Olympic coverage, and then I Googled her bio. Wow! It’s quite likely that I had watched her compete in previous Olympic years, but I hadn’t put two-and-two together. She’s that Rosey Edeh!
I don’t get to see her hosting Entertainment Tonight Canada very often (it’s on at the time that I like to go to the gym), but I had noticed that Edeh was very talented at dressing her forty-two-year-old figure. On the Global site she succinctly describes her sense of style as “slick and sexy.” That’s about it. She really seems to know herself, and it’s rare to see her in anything that doesn’t present her in a favorable light.
For that reason, I’m inviting Rosey onto Auntie Fashion’s Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style. Step up to the podium, Rosey, because you’re about to receive an award that’s more prestigious than an Olympic gold medal. This honor won’t help you to get your face onto a box of Wheaties, but now you’re far more likely to be invited to walk the runway for Lanvin or to be asked to become the next face of Estee Lauder. Yes, my influence is that powerful. Take this opportunity to bask in my glow. You’ve earned it, beautiful!
It’s no secret that I adore Fashion Television. I’ve blogged about it on several occasions. I’ve even invited Mary Kitchen onto my Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style, an honor akin to receiving a lifetime achievement Oscar or the Nobel Peace Prize.
Yet the folks at the FT offices don’t seem to be too interested in what I have to say about them. Despite my praise, they continue to ignore your sweet, old Auntie Fashion.
I would take it personally, but I know how the game works in Toronto. There are only so many jobs and so many paycheques to go around, so people act like spraying tomcats, urinating on anything and everything in order to defend their turf. Still, that’s no reason to dismiss me. They need to understand that I’m not a threat to them. I’m bigger than fashion. Their musky stench doesn’t scare me.
Anyway, until I start to get a little love from Fashion Television, I’m going to start making up rumors about them. Feel free to spread them around.
Did you know that Glenn Baxter is a five-time Canadian clog dancing champion?
Did you know that Mary Kitchen actually won Fashion File Host Hunt, but was disqualified when the producers discovered that her alleged voice loss during the competition was caused by surgery to remove her adam’s apple?
Did you know that Jeanne Beker’s favorite designer is Marc Bouwer?
Ouch! That last one hurts!
I wasn’t sure what to think of Mary Kitchen when Fashion File Host Hunt premiered. Portraying the cast’s token Maritimer, I sort of resented the fact that she had already been living and working in Toronto (coast-to-coast talent search, my ass!). But as the finalists were whittled down, a girl I liked began to emerge from the woodwork. In front of the cameras, however, she was as green as she could be. In the end, inexperience and nerves cost her the gig.
Obviously, I wasn’t the only one who realized that there was something about Mary. She’s joined the Fashion Television empire as a roving reporter. She’s also stopped furrowing her brow when she’s stressed out. Perhaps experience has made her more comfortable with her job, or maybe she’s hopped-up on Botox. Either way, she just gets better every day.
So, congratulations, Mary Kitchen! You have been asked to ride Auntie Fashion’s Moose Jaw Motorhome of Style.
This prestigious honor is sort of like winning the CFDA Designer of the Year title. Don’t let it go to your head — look what success did to Marc Jacobs! Yechh.