Posts Tagged ‘POUCH’
In the past, I’ve used this blog as a platform to draw attention to those causes that are near and dear to my heart, from The Prunella Crudsworth Foundation for Knocked-Up Teenage Sluts to POUCH (Parents of Ugly Children). But right now I’d like the readers of my blog to put down their wallets because I’m not about to ask you for money. Instead, I want to know your opinion. I know, right?
I’m about to embark on a campaign to have my spirit animal, the humble porcupine, recognized in a manner that would honor it as its fellow rodent the groundhog has been honored today and every other February 2 since the middle of the nineteenth century. I need to pick a date, however, that doesn’t conflict with any other major events that I give a rat’s ass about. So please let me know what you think by participating in the following poll:
Just a moment ago I was shopping for some purple suede lederhosen online when I stumbled across this fascinating portrait by an artist named Matt Borruso. Apparently, Borruso is intrigued by images of ugly children.
I remember pictures of wide-eyed children like this hanging on the bedroom walls of kids everywhere during the sixties and seventies. Back then I thought that they were sort of creepy, just as I believed those idealized portraits of Jesus were creepy, and much in the same way that I think “Toddlers and Tiaras” is creepy today. Hyper-idealization of anything can be disturbing. What makes Borruso’s work so delightful is that he has flipped the concept entirely, combining undesirable characteristics in a manner that hones the creepiness until its razor-sharp. Seeing the little Teuton imp in the portrait above makes you wonder what you would do if you saw that little face staring back at you every day. It cuts you right to the soul.
So that got me thinking about how much I’d like to own an original Matt Borruso painting. It also made me wonder if there was a support group for the parents of ugly children. Because I’m a giver — and because just yesterday I was complaining about feeling uninspired lately — I’ve decided to dedicate my valuable time and the awesome power of my celebrity status to a new charitable venture.
Parents of Ugly Children, or POUCH as I call it, will be be my new focus. I will work tirelessly to create an organization that dedicates itself to eradicating the stigma that infects the parents of ugly children like the plague. You know which plague I mean, right? The one spread by rat bites that makes you look like the kid in the painting.
I suppose I’ll need a mission statement. I can get to that later. In the meantime, I’d like to set up POUCH as a registered charity so that I can accept donations. I’ve also decided that I’d like a nice Matt Borruso portrait to hang on the wall of the POUCH office. I won’t be able to issue tax receipts for a while, but that shouldn’t matter. Please give generously. Think of the children, the ugly, ugly children . . .