Archive for December 2008
Happy Birthday, Sienna Miller
Happy birthday, Sienna Miller. While I was reading your bio to prepare this post, I realized that I’ve never seen you in a movie. That can’t be good, can it?
Wish List #8
I want my own TV show. Adrian Mainella has one, so it defies all logic that I don’t have one. Isn’t one of you married to a CTV executive or something? Can’t someone pull a few strings for me?
Summer 1984
Cover: Summer 1984
Context: John Turner becomes Prime Minister of Canada on June 30. Vanessa Lynn Williams steps down as Miss America after her nude photos are featured in Penthouse magazine. The Summer Olympics begin in Los Angeles on July 28. MuchMusic debuts on August 31, featuring a nubile Jeanne Beker hosting Rockflash segments.
Points of Interest: The forward-swept hair of the model was becoming a major trend that would reach its zenith the following year when the style was worn by Whitney Houston in the video for “Saving All My Love for You.”
What Tyra Would Say: “Your eyes are so intense that it’s almost scary. I don’t know if you want to be my friend or if you want to steal my alarm clock and make me late for a go-see.”
What Auntie Fashion Says: For those of you who don’t remember, the pre-Conrad Black era Barbara Amiel was a well-respected journalist. Oh, how things change!
Grade: B+.
Happy Birthday, Joanie Laurer
Happy birthday, Joanie Laurer aka Chyna. While I can’t say that I know what it feels like to be you, I can say that I know what it’s like to be too buff to wear some of the clothes that the other girls wear. That’s okay, though, because we can always beat them up when they make fun of us — and that’s all that really matters, right?
Ask Auntie
Dear Auntie Fashion;
I read the post where you compared your birthday with the Catholic holiday Epiphany. Were you raised as a Catholic?
Mystified in Vatican City
Dear Mystified;
I was raised by the High Priestesses of Zob in a faraway land, sheltered from much of the ugliness of the world. When I was a teenager, however, I moved to France to enroll in a regular school in order to facilitate my reintegration into society. That’s when I attended Our Lady of Marmalade High School and learned so much about your religion. Sister Patti taught me a lot, including your custom of drinking magnolia wine during Communion. She also taught me many French words and phrases that have come in handy on several occasions throughout my life. And even though we had very different spiritual beliefs, to this day I still think of her as my soul-sister.
I hope that answers your question.
Love and kisses,
Auntie Fashion
My life is finally complete . . .
The Mothership of Gorgeousness
In a couple of hours a friend of mine will be boarding her plane back home from Las Vegas with a bottle of Dame Edna’s Varicose Violet Nail Lacquer from MAC Cosmetics in her bag. A few hours after that, I’ll be inhaling the intoxicating fumes of that polish as I paint it on. I’m sure it smells just like heaven!
Still, I am a little worried that my friend might not make it out of the MAC store alive. I imagine that a crush of eager shoppers could make a mob scene out of the collection’s debut. If most plebes are willing to fight over a Roberto Cavalli for H&M dress, are they willing to die for a little taste of Dame Edna?
Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to wait until January to get my nail polish.
Wish List #7
Many of you will be surprised to know that I wear a lot of wigs. When you’re as famous as I am, wigs become an essential part of your daily disguise. Just last week Ceri Marsh and I shared a magnum of Piper Heidsieck at twenty-two while wearing wigs from the ultra-chic Style by Jaclyn Smith collection. Instead of being mobbed by our adoring fans, we were simply ogled by the onlookers.
I wore the foxy Kelly, seen above, while Ceri wore the Jill. The best thing about the collection is that some of the wigs are named after characters from Charlie’s Angels. What could be more glamorous than that?
You can never have too many wigs. Anyone who wants to buy me one for my upcoming birthday will be rewarded with my adoration, and isn’t that the greatest gift of all?
Wish List #6
I’ve written about Midori Melon Balls a couple of times over the past few weeks, and now I’m craving one. Of course, Christmas morning isn’t the time for Melon Balls; I’m drinking a Mimosa instead.
Nevertheless, I’m going to guzzle a punch bowl full of these vibrant green cocktails on my birthday. I’d rather not have real melon balls floating in my glass, though. I actually don’t like melons very much. I prefer oranges cut into wedges, not slices, and maraschino cherries.
So I’m adding two bottles of Midori, a bottle of Smirnoff and four cans of Minute Maid concentrate to my wish list. I already have a punch bowl. Don’t forget the cherries.
Happy Birthday, Helena Christensen
Happy birthday, Helena Christensen. Besides our shared gorgeousness and our connection to Nylon magazine, we’ve got something else in common: We’re both addicted to cheese. If I ever go into rehab, I’m making you come with me.
Auntie Fashion 
