Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for October 2010

Happy Birthday, Deidre Hall

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Deidre Hall

Happy birthday, Deidre Hall.  I’ve never been more frightened than the time when Dr. Marlena Evans was possessed by the devil, except for the time my friend Rusty wore spandex to the gym.

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October 31, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

March 1999

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Cover: March 1999

Context: Joe DiMaggio, baseball legend and former husband of Marilyn Monroe, dies on March 8.  On March 13, “Believe” by Cher tops the Billboard Hot 100 where it will remain for four weeks.  “Shakespeare in Love” wins the Oscar for Best Picture at the 71st Academy Awards on March 21.  On March 29, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closes over 10,000 for the first time.

Points of Interest: Cover model Sandrine Holt was born Sandrine Ho.

What Tyra Would Say: “I love the way your eyes are saying “come hither,” yet there’s a sweetness and innocence to your body language that makes the shot work.  Now let’s try it without the top . . .”.

What Auntie Fashion Says: Urban Casual” style means wearing a shiny pink satin jacket?  That’s not what my homies would say.

Grade: B.

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October 30, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Posted in 30 Years of FASHION

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Happy Birthday, Ivanka Trump

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Ivanka Trump

Happy birthday, Ivanka Trump.  It’s too bad that your jewelry line isn’t selling, but I personally can’t wait until your hard hat line launches.  Now that’s what I call fashion!

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October 30, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Shalom Means “Hello” and “Goodbye”

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Esther

I haven’t posted much for a couple of days because I’ve been in shock since my bubala Esther was eliminated from “America’s Next Top Model” this past Wednesday.  It reminded me of Mollie-Sue’s elimination during Cycle 6 after she delivered a dreadful commercial that apparently left the judges no choice but to let her go.  Or did it?

This is Tyra’s show.  She can eliminate anyone she wants to for whatever bullshit reason that comes into her head.  Le Furonda, one of my favorite posters from “Television Without Pity,” put it best when she wrote:

There was something sort of strange about Tyra’s bottom two speech/elimination speech to Esther.  It was like Simone’s from last cycle.  Something along the lines of: “Esther, you are one of the most interesting, modelesque girls in the competition.  Your face is fascinating and perfect for high fashion.  You take very pretty pictures and listen to our advice.  But you might be dull?”  And then, “Ann, even though you had a record five FCOs, that doesn’t matter because you clearly cannot do anything but take a nice picture and therefore will never be booked.  You suck ass on runway, can’t do commercial, can’t even rollerskate, and clearly are too emotionally distraught to have the confidence to be a model.  Ann, you are still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model because you’re interesting.”

And then, “Esther, I’m so proud of you for standing up for curvy girls like myself! You are such a strong, beautiful role model!”

Oh well.  Like Mollie-Sue and her post ANTM resume that includes beauty spreads in “Vogue Italia“, Russian “Vogue” and a Diesel campaign, Esther has a face that won’t hold her back.  You would have to be a complete idiot (or Nigel Barker) to look at the girl and decide that she’s dull.  Meanwhile, Ann’s dead fish eyes, Chris’ twelvehead and Kayla’s nose like a hawk’s beak remain in a competition where the prize is a BEAUTY SPREAD.  Esther, who sometimes reminds me of Elizabeth Taylor, Vivien Leigh and Sophia Loren combined was sent home so that Tyra & Co. could perpetuate the rumour that the girl who wins this show would get to walk on a major runway or two — something that still hasn’t happened fifteen seasons into the show.

But Esther may have got a beauty campaign, or a perfume ad, or some work hawking eyewear if she won the title of “America’s Next Top Model.”  In fact, she still might.  Nothing will please me more than seeing this girl succeed despite Tyra Banks, Nigel Barker and their own special brand of the most illogical, lame-brained criticism in the world.

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October 30, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Posted in A Soupçon of Je Ne Sais Quois

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Happy Birthday, Kate Jackson

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Kate Jackson

Happy birthday, Kate Jackson.  Trying to stand out between Farrah Fawcett and Jaclyn Smith would drive me to drink, too.

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October 29, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Bruce Jenner

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Bruce Jenner

Happy birthday, Bruce Jenner.  Isn’t fashion funny?  It’s thirty years since “Can’t Stop the Music” came out and I’m wearing the exact same outfit today!

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October 28, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old

Happy Birthday, Simon Le Bon

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Simon Le Bon

Happy birthday, Simon Le Bon.  It’s twenty-five years later and I’m still jealous of your hair . . .

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October 27, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Posted in Fashionably Old