An Assault on Capricorn Sensibilities

Kate

According to The Cut (via the Daily Mail), the Queen has ordered the Duchess of Cambridge to cover up her knees on an upcoming trip to Australia.

This probably wouldn’t bother me so much if Kate wasn’t my Capricorn soul sister and astrological twin, but she is.  The sign of Capricorn, of course, rules over the knees; they’re one of our sexiest parts.  The Queen is a Taurus, like my friend Rusty.  Now he’s always trying to sabotage me from being incomprehensibly gorgeous, so I know what’s going on here.  Plain and simple, this move is inspired by jealously.

I understand that it can difficult to not be on Team Capricorn, but it doesn’t have to be a contest.  We’re lovely people who truly wish that the world was a more beautiful place, so just let us fulfill our destinies and make that happen.