Archive for October 2011
Happy Birthday, Saaphyri
Happy birthday, Saaphyri. Something tells your old Auntie that Mo’Nique isn’t the only cast member of “Charm School” who is going to parlay her appearance on that show into an Oscar . . .
Happy Birthday, Matthew Morrison
Happy birthday, Matthew Morrison. Now tell me again . . . how big is Lea Michele’s ego?
A Startling Discovery
Every season there are a couple of items of clothing that make their way off the runway and into every single fashion magazine in existence. I’ve already seen that Prada mod dress with the Mondrian-inspired checks so many times that I’d be happy to never see it again!
I felt the same way about this Giambattista Valli dress that’s made it onto the backs of several fashionable women already (and onto the cover of “Flare“), but then I realized that the garment is far more special than it appears at first glance. It’s not just a lurex-blend sweater and a simple satin skirt: those pouches at the front of the dress are the visible portion of a intravenous device that sucks the bloat out of any woman who wears the ensemble!
And you just thought that they would help to keep you afloat when you fell off your yacht. Fool!
The Bitch is Back
Well, I’m back from my fabulous junket to Las Vegas where I not only lost my shirt, but also my bra and panties. But enough about waking up naked in the bushes behind the wildlife habitat at the Flamingo, smelling suspiciously like cheap gin and Donny Osmond . . .
The trip wasn’t a total bust. I won 158,880 pennies on a slot machine on a forty-cent bet. After the IRS took 30% off the top, that ended up being just over $1,100. I put it all back into the machines, of course, but that’s beside the point. I won big!
I stayed on the south end of the Strip this time, making it as far as City Center during one of my excursions. The entire property is quite beautiful, although I don’t know if the modern architecture will weather the trends as well as the classical interiors of hotels like Caesar’s Palace and the MGM Grand (the latter looked surprisingly glamorous for it’s age, by the way).
The big attraction for me at the City Center complex was The Crystals, a super-deluxe mall with stores that include Tom Ford, Lanvin, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Marni, Stella McCartney, etc. It was beautiful, yet deserted. No one was shopping there.
Now I’ve read about how the southwest and Vegas in particular have been hit hard by the economy, but I was at the Forum Shops in Caesar’s earlier this year and the mall was full of people. Even if the crowds were just gazing into the windows of stores like Versace and Dolce & Gabbana, at least the storefronts were doing a service to the brands they represented. There was none of that at The Crystals.
Out of curiousity, I Googled the mall to find out a little more about the place and I discovered that it’s already encounted at least one high-profile vacancy. Beso, a restaurant partly owned by Eva Longoria closed earlier this year. After poking around a little more I found a few more news stories online that claim the luxury market is regaining its lustre in Las Vegas. I don’t believe it. I’ve never seen a mall that dead before. Even while I was walking around on the strip I only saw one well-dressed woman the entire time I was there and she had a tiny Gucci bag in her hand. I also saw a man with a giant Prada bag, but he was also dressed like he just crawled out of a dumpster. That’s probably where he found the bag, tossed into the trash by some non-Americans who didn’t want to pay duty on the pricy purchase they were about to smuggle home.
Anyway, it was quite sad and it doesn’t bode well for the luxury goods business. I’ve been to Las Vegas plenty of times and I’ve always been amazed by the number of big spenders who choose to shop there. That’s just not happening any more, and it makes me skeptical about the postive outlooks posited by the luxury goods conglomerates as they attempt to create a more confident climate for their investors. Are they cooking their books? If the American market is any indicator of how they’re doing, something is rotten in Denmark, and it stinks in Vegas, too. I keep reading about how emerging markets are picking up the slack, but I live in a place where every second person is a recent immigrant to this wealthy country and none of them will spend money on anything. I see more fake Louis Vuitton bags on one bus trip to the mall than most people see in a lifetime. Are those the people who are propping up the market. I don’t think so. In fact, I’m waiting for the other Louboutin to drop. Mark my words . . .
I also managed to visit one the city’s infamous outlet malls. The Las Vegas Premium Outlets South wasn’t the greatest place for bargains, unless you’re looking for the same marked-down Coach bags that you didn’t like last year, but there was one store I was thrilled to discover. The Fossil outlet was wonderful! The quality-to-price ratio definitely makes the merchandise worth the money, and the fact I’ve never seen 90% of the items in a Canadian store made it worth the visit.
Another highlight of my vacation was Elton John’s “Million Dollar Piano” show at Caesar’s Colosseum. It was terrific! My only complaint was the same complaint that I had at the last concert I attended: too many people couldn’t remain seated for a simple two-hour show. How hard can it be too pee before the show begins? How difficult is it understand that drinking two beers during the show might make you have to pee during the show? I wanted to round up all the idiots who didn’t really want to be there at the base of one of Caesar’s hotel towers and drop a million-dollar piano on their ill-mannered heads.
I suppose Elton didn’t notice because of the lights in his eyes. Still, I have a feeling that Céline Dion wouldn’t have taken that crap . . .
Vacation!
Your dear, old Auntie is going on vacation today! I’ve signed up for a week-long intensive seminar at the “Tyra Banks International Academy of Booty Tooching.” Actually, there isn’t such a thing, but if there was I’d probably send along my friend Rusty rather than go myself. He really needs the help. Anyway, I was booty tooching when Tyra’s booty was still in diapers. What’s she going to take credit for next? I suppose she’ll invent blogging any day now.
On that topic, I won’t be blogging again until the end of the week. Please try to find something productive to do with your time while I’m gone, like attending an “Occupy Wall Street” rally where you can hand out free deodorant to the protestors. Keep on giving, just like your old Auntie . . .
Auntie Fashion 