Archive for April 2011
After the stratospheric launch of my first signature perfume, Auntie Fashion’s “Smell My Greatness,” I’ve decided to start developing a second scent to introduce to the already-crowded celebrity fragrance market.
The inspirational new scent from Auntie Fashion, “Go Smell It on the Mountain,” won’t be as understated as my first foray into the olafactory arts. In fact, it was inspired by the sort of woman who ensures that her perfume doesn’t go unnoticed. She doesn’t just spray it on. She pours it on! Her religion is gorgeousness, and she worships at the altar of Zob herself, just like the naked, frolicking lesbians on the lovely Lalique perfume bottle in the photo above.
I haven’t actually started working on the scent itself. I am quite fond of the fragrance of my Hansa rose, and it smells even more delightful than usual when I’ve had a bottle of champagne to myself. So I believe I’ve already decided upon a top note and a base. Now I just have to figure out how to work Kellie Pickler into the advertising campaign. Eat your heart out, Kirsten Dunst!
After months and months of speculation over the royal wedding dress, Kate Middleton was married this morning in a Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen gown.
The wedding couldn’t have wrapped up soon enough for your dear old Auntie Fashion who has been doing some speculation of her own. My dear friend Sarah Mower is attending the Met Gala this upcoming Monday, and I’ve been dying to know what she’s going to wear as she sashays down the red carpet, shaming veteran supermodels with her signature walk while simultaneously becoming next season’s muse for every major fashion designer in attendance. Of course, my money is on a hot designer collaboration between Vivienne Westwood, Julien Macdonald and Ann Sofie Back.
On that note, Wear a Gown to Work Day is only four weeks away and I’ve been a terribly negligent founder of/inspiration for the world’s most glamorous holiday. I’d better get to work . . .
Happy birthday, Renee Alway. Yes, you’re on my “America’s Next Top Model” All-Stars dream team. If you’re lucky enough to be cast on the show, you’d better not disappoint me. I’m rooting for you. We’re all rooting for you . . .
Happy birthday, Jenna Ushkowitz. I couldn’t decide who my favorite “Glee” cast member was, and then I saw you in this braided headband. I’m proud of you. Jackie Stallone is proud of you . . .
Your old Auntie has been having a rough time lately. According to my spiritual advisor, the planets have been ganging up me in the dreaded sign of Aries. I was starting to lose my characteristic joie de vivre, feeling as if the only thing I had to look forward to was my next wine-fueled sex dream starring Mike Rosenthal.
But that all changed this morning when I read that “America’s Next Top Model” next season will be an all-star cycle. It’s like I’ve died and gone to heaven!
The only thing that could make me happier was to discover that my beloved Furonda was going to be joining the cast. Please, Tyra, I’m begging — make my dreams come true! And while I’m begging, maybe Mike Rosenthal could drop me a line, too . . .
For some reason I couldn’t get Tammy Wynette’s “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” out of my head this morning. Next thing I know I’m gazing at this vision of loveliness. According to wigs.com, “Romantic Splendor by Kathy Ireland wigs is a long, curly style with straight bangs for a modern edge. The curls are soft and wispy and suprisingly lightweight for the length. Create an image of fairy tale femininity with airy layers that cascade well below your shoulders.”
I don’t get “fairy tale femininity” at all from this wig. It does, however, make me want to pick up a guitar and hitchhike to Nashville where I could seek my fame and fortune as a country and western recording artist. On that note, I hope it’s warm enough outside today to wear short shorts . . .