Posts Tagged ‘Rachel Zoe’
Rachel Zoe’s Workout Regimen
Step One: Find a dress heavier than you are.
Step Two: Wear until exhausted.
Muscles Targeted: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings.
The Rachel Zoe Project
Like most shows on Bravo, “The Rachel Zoe Project” doesn’t air in Canada contemporaneously with its US debut. Since I don’t like to watch two-year-old programs that have become completely dated when they finally air, I’ve declined to watch the show. But last night there was nothing on, so I decided to give it a chance.
Dear Zob in heaven — it was awful! I spent the entire hour wanting to slug the entire cast in the face. Watching Rachel, Taylor and Brad panic over every stupid detail was painful. Everyone who reads my blog knows that Rachel Zoe bugs the hell out of me, but I didn’t realize her neuroses ran so deep. Everything was a crisis! The manufactured drama was as fake as anything I’ve ever seen on reality TV — and I’ve watched “The Hills.”
The only tolerable parts of the episode I saw were brief segments with Rachel’s strangely patient husband, Rodger Berman, and a cameo with the lovely Liv Tyler.
Seeing the show just made me dislike Rachel Zoe even more. I know a lot of people claimed that they warmed up to her after the program debuted, but it just left me scratching my head, wondering how this show made it to a third season when I don’t think I could stomach a second episode.
C’est la vie!
Rachel Zoe Continues to Bother Me
I don’t like Rachel Zoe. I usually eat up pomposity, but it’s got to be served with a dash of self-deprecation to make it palatable. Rachel Zoe just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
In a press call promoting season three of “The Rachel Zoe Project,” Zoe informed Fashionista and several other media outlets of a look that she wouldn’t be revisiting any time soon:
“Skin tight acid wash jeans, white high-heeled boots up to my knees, a sweater with a hideous belt, and so much makeup and hairspray I can’t believe my parents let me out of the house . . . as someone who lived in the 80s, I think acid wash is better left in the 80s.”
I’m not going to follow that up with a cliché remark that you should live without regrets. I’m going to say that if you follow fashion like Rachel Zoe does, you should regret everything you ever wore every day of your life except what you’re wearing right this moment. You just shouldn’t care about it.
Fashion is a reflection of the moment, and there are going to be plenty of moments in the not-too-distant future when fake tans, maxi-dresses and caftans, hair extensions and bug-eyed sunglasses are going to be scorned by fashion’s elite (if they haven’t been already). It’s beyond me why Rachel Zoe believes that she looks good now when she probably looks pretty much the same as she did in the 80s — only now she’s got some labels on her back.
She dresses like a caricature of everything that’s wrong with fashion at this very moment. Lanvin this, Balenciaga that — blah, blah blah! If she was well-dressed she would just wear whatever she wanted to wear without ever taking the time to evaluate her contributions to the world of fashion or disparaging her own past as she’s currently living in some golden age of style.
Rachel Zoe seems to live her life without a mirror. She can look back a couple of decades, but she has trouble looking back into the immediate past. Succeeding in a discipline that thrives in the moment should require a sense of self-reflection. It’s strange that someone who acts as a mirror to her clients can’t turn those same critical faculties onto herself.
I just don’t get her appeal.
Heartbreak!
My least favorite couple since Enrique Iglesias and his giant mole have broken it off!
Of course I’m talking about Marc Jacobs aka the Evil AntiZob and Lorenzo Martone. Rumors of the split have been swirling around for a couple of months, but Martone made it official on his Twitter account. Now I don’t know much about Martone, but I do know that just a couple of months ago when this all was happening, Jacobs was practically on his deathbed. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. He was recovering from getting hair plugs or something like that. And his arm was in a sling because he had a torn rotator cuff repaired.
Who would leave their fiancé in such a time of need? I want to call Jacobs the bad guy in this (and any other) situation, but I can’t. Martone is clearly more evil than Jacobs. I just hope that Rachel Zoe was around to comfort the designer in his time of need. There’s nothing quite like smoking cigarettes and talking about suntanning to mend a broken heart.
Newsflash: Rachel Zoe Looks Pretty
I was just reading The Cut where I came across the prettiest photo of Rachel Zoe that I’ve ever seen. It really caught me off guard. That’s all I have to say.
Let’s get one thing straight . . .
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past couple of days responding to comments posted by Rachel Zoe fans. I don’t care if you like her, and I don’t care if you comment, but don’t put words in my mouth or read between the lines I’ve written.
I don’t like Rachel Zoe’s look. Her skin appears as if it’s browned in a frying pan and she has a hideous head of fake hair. I also dislike her oversized wardrobe, because to me it makes her look like a little old lady who hasn’t updated her appearance since she began shrinking a few years before.
I’m fond of healthy looking people, and to me she doesn’t appear to be healthy. While I’ve criticized her for smoking, I’ve never claimed that she was anorexic. And although I champion personal style on this blog, my main objective in creating “Auntie Fashion” was to object to the crass commercialization of fashion. Just this week I saw BeelZoeBub™ going about her usual publicity whoring in an $11,000 Louis Vuitton jacket. If you don’t find something crass about that, then this blog is not for you. It’s that simple. Go write your own.
Relevance: Coming to a Store Near You
There’s a hilarious new headline on wwd.com today: “Relevance Seen Key Trend for Spring Runways.”
Hooray! Finally we’ll all be able to empty our closets of all the irrelevant garments we’ve collected over the past few seasons and start fresh. Goodwill, here I come!
I’m kidding. I know where the authors of the article were going when they composed the headline. The entire fashion industry is being forced to address practical considerations that can help them attract and retain clientele during the current economic downturn. Nevertheless, applying the word “relevance” to fashion would probably make me laugh regardless of the circumstances. The reason I adore fashion is because it’s one of the most frivolous pursuits anyone can indulge in.
Without frivolity, would we have thigh-high boots? To me, they only seem relevant within the wardrobes of trout fisherman and hookers. Frivolity is the only reason fashion exists. Fashion without frivolity is simply clothing as a basic need for existence, along with food and shelter. Fashion without frivolity is a wooly mammoth pelt worn to protect a trogolodyte from the elements as he or she crosses the Bering Strait land bridge.
I can’t seem to reconcile relevance with fashion. That’s probably why I spend so much of my time making fun of people who take themselves too seriously (BeelZoeBub™, I’m looking at you.) Now if that headline had read “Overalls Seen Key Trend for Spring Runways,” perhaps I’d be singing a different tune.
Rachel Zoe is the New Laura Ashley
According to USA Today, BeelZoeBub wants to branch off into lifestyle branding.
“I want to give people a lifestyle. I don’t want to (just) give them great jewelry or a great vest,” Zoe says. “Candles, bedding, pillows, books, whatever it is. I want to do everything. But I won’t let go of styling, either.”
Oh, goodie! Candles that smell like cigarette smoke. Pillowcases of indestructable materials that don’t disintergrate in the wash when you try to bleach out the mascara and the self-tanner stains. Books like “Style A to Zoe.” Oh yeah — she already wrote that masterpiece.
That reminds me that I need to get started on my own new book: “Stylishnessness: From A to Zob.” Not only is the title more adequately punctuated than BeelZoeBub’s similar tome, but I’ve also added an extra “ness” to the word “stylishness,” because what could be better than “stylishness” besides “stylishnessness“? Look for it soon at a bookstore near you.
Has BeelZoeBub seen the light?
blackbookmag.com has reported that Rachel Zoe is planning on paring down her look for the upcoming season of “The Rachel Zoe Project.” Reflecting upon her first foray into television, Zoe said “I thought, ‘oh my god do I really look like that everyday?’ I need less hair, less makeup, less everything. I can’t even watch it. It was way too much of everything. Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked like that?”
She obviously hasn’t been reading my blog! I haven’t been a fan of her “Tammy Wynette-plays-Vegas-in-1977” style since I first laid eyes upon her. It was all just a little too much for this old bird.
I guess I’ll have to wait and see if she lives up to her word. Frankly, anyone who weighs less than their clothes and accessories should probably practice a little discretion when it comes to putting themselves together. It’s just common sense.
BeelZoeBub is Mine!
I’m so delighted with myself for coming up with the name BeelZoeBub to describe everyone’s favorite overwrought, overhyped stylist, Rachel Zoe, that I’ve decided to trademark the name. Like “I DIE™” or “BANANAS™,” use of the phrase without written permission will be met with the full force of the law.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a giver. They don’t call me the Mother Teresa of the fashion business for nothing. You can use BeelZoeBub™ all you want! Just make sure that you put that trademark symbol beside it, because it makes me laugh!
Auntie Fashion 