Auntie Fashion

I’m the fashion world’s most-enduring muse.

Archive for May 2008

I Adore Crocodiles…

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Crocodile

Crocodile

This may surprise a few of my readers, but I need to let you all know that Auntie Fashion prefers to see crocodile skin on crocodiles.

I can barely convince myself to wear leather shoes made from the surplus of cowhide that the food industry produces.  The fact that I still do own leather shoes makes me feel hypocritical and horrible (almost as horrible as I feel when I look at Marc Jacobs).  I’ve been a vegetarian for so long that I can’t even conceptualize what it would be like to have the flesh of a dead animal in my mouth.  And I would never carry a crocodile handbag!  I would always be thinking about that smiley critter in the photo I posted.

I don’t care what the rest of you do.  Wear whatever you want.  Just remember that the most fashionable woman in the history of the world — I’m talking about ME — wouldn’t be caught dead in a catsuit made from real kittens or a baby seal fur coat.  If that’s your bag, fine.  Do what you want.  Just don’t count on my somewhat unconditional love being extended toward you.  I hold that special place in my heart for herbivores like Natalie Portman and the majestic moose.

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May 31, 2008 at 5:44 pm

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Expand Your Fashion Vocabulary #3

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Silhouette

Becky

Becky: A nondescript, unmemorable girl who is characterized only by her unremarkableness.  Often used to describe third-rate catalogue models.  Eg: It didn’t bother Naomi that the client dumped her, only that they dumped her for such a Becky.

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May 31, 2008 at 4:05 pm

The Missing Links

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Sears

Sears

Well, I finally got around to posting some links to sites I like to visit (see the Blogroll in the right-hand column).  I’ll probably post some more eventually, but I’m a little reluctant to send my readers to shopping blogs.  I really, really, really don’t like shopping blogs.  That explains some of the missing links.

It seems as some people write blogs just to talk about what they would wear if they could afford everything that they covet.  That’s not terribly aspirational, is it?  Why not blog about an article of clothing you found that no one else is wearing this season, and then chronicle the process as you single-handedly try to bring it back into style?  Why not blog about the how the current trends have changed your perception of a particular look that you swore you would never, ever wear?  Why not blog about something that will prove your sense of style isn’t just a by-product of a clever marketing campaign launched by LVMH and endorsed by a Conde Nast title.

Blogging, like fashion, is presenting a public image of yourself that reveals your inner-workings to an audience that can number in the billions.  It should serve the reader and it should serve your ego.  Revealing that you like to shop isn’t the best way to show the world what kind of person you are.  We’re all much better than what we can afford, aren’t we?

By the way, did you know that you can get that sassy T-shirt with the chimpmunk decals on the Sears Outlet site?  It’s only $14.99.  Yeah, I know — but it’s all I can afford.  I sure hope this Moose Jaw Fashion Week gig turns into a cash cow.

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May 31, 2008 at 1:30 am

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I Adore Marigolds…

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Marigold

Marigold

Just like clothing, flowers can become fashion victims.  Earlier today I mentioned to someone that marigolds seemed to be making a comeback.  Like geraniums and petunias, these easy-to-grow annual flowers can be a little too common for people who think that they know better than everyone else.  For that reason, they’ve been out-of-style for the past decade or two.

I’ve always loved marigolds.  Before I got home today, I bought half a tray of them to fill in a few spots in my flower beds — I needed a sharp contrast for all of the purple flowers I’ve planted this year.  Then I just happened to be browsing online and I came across an article in Canadian Gardening magazine singing the praises of these tough little beauties.  It seems that the flowers are fashionable this season: They’re so far out that they’re in again.

It just goes to show you how stupid fashion can be.  Plant what you want to plant.  Wear what you want to wear.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “… beauty is its own excuse for being.”

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May 29, 2008 at 7:57 pm

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If you can stand the glamour!

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Moose Jaw Fashion Week Logo

Moose Jaw Fashion Week Logo

Moose Jaw Fashion Week 2012 is beginning to pick up some momentum. Despite being snubbed by FASHION magazine’s Ceri Marsh (don’t take it personally, Moose Jaw — she probably hates all of Saskatchewan), the wise and gorgeous Danielle Meder of finalfashion.ca has wisely chosen to side with Auntie Fashion rather than incur the wrath of Zob. She even went as far as creating this lovely illustration for me to use in the promotional packages for the event.

I have been doing a little research about Canada’s Glamour Capital in order to plan the festivities.  Did you know that TV legend Art Linkletter was born in Moose Jaw?  2012 will also mark his 100th birthday.  Perhaps I can get him to host a special backstage segment at the event called Models Say the Darndest Things.

Moose Jaw is also the home of the Town ‘n’ Country mall. I like that name — it’s classy. More people should use that abbreviated spelling of the word and, like Viktor ‘n’ Rolf.  Amperands are sooooo five years ago.  Anyway, that reminds me; I should invite them.

I’ve also chosen “Moose Jaw Fashion Week: If you can stand the glamour!” as the official slogan of the event. According to their website, the Moose Jaw Union Hospital has twenty psychiatric beds for those of you who won’t be able to stand the glamour.

By the way, I am still looking for a Moose Jaw correspondent to assist me in planning the event.  Interested parties can apply via the comments section below.

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May 28, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Katharine Hepburn

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Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn

Award shows give celebrities the opportunity to let it all hang out.  Unfortunately, most of them don’t take the chance when it’s given to them.  They enlist armies of professionals to give them a red carpet overhaul, then praise themselves on camera for looking chic, as if they’ve had a hand in creating their own look.

It’s an obnoxious convention of show business that encourages a lack of creative self-expression.  Everyone is terrified to be on a worst-dressed list, so almost no one does anything to rock the boat.

That’s why Katharine Hepburn’s appearance at the 1974 Oscars is such an iconic moment.  At that time, Hepburn held the record for the most individual Oscar nominations as an actor.  However, she had never bothered to show up at the event.  She was finally convinced to attend in order to present the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award.

As she walked onto the stage it became evident that she wasn’t glammed-up.  In fact, she wasn’t dressed up at all.  In black trousers, a black jacket and a white turtleneck, Hepburn looked like Hepburn — I can’t imagine what anyone else was expecting!

Nevertheless, a story began circulating afterward that the living legend had come to the ceremony straight from working in her garden.  That’s a little hard to swallow — she was clean and her face was made up for the stage lights — but the rumor persists today.  Whatever . . .

Now what makes this such a great moment in antifashion?  It wasn’t as if Hepburn had flipped the bird to the academy.  Still, she had nothing to lose by being herself, and she knew it.  She wasn’t concerned what people were going to say about her outfit the next day, because she didn’t give a rat’s ass about what they had to say.

While I’ll heap praise on someone as fabulous as Holy McGrail, whom I blogged about a couple of days ago, I’ll also give credit where credit is due in this instance.  Katherine Hepburn had been able to live vicariously through her craft for four decades.  She didn’t need an award ceremony or a red carpet to tell her that she could be fabulous: She already knew that she was fabulous.

At its worst, fashion is about the will to conform.  At its best, fashion inspires the opposite desire: The desire to be an individual.  Hepburn embraced her individuality.  She embraced the opposite of what most people call fashion.  She is a champion of antifashion.

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May 27, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Expand Your Fashion Vocabulary #2

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Peau de soie

Peau de Soie

Peau de soie: Silk satin, woven like twill, with fine crosswise ribs visible upon close inspection.  Higher grades of the fabric are finished on both sides.  The cloth has a slightly grainy appearance and is less lustrous than regular satin, making the fabric a popular choice for brides who don’t want to look as if they’ve been gift wrapped.

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May 26, 2008 at 10:32 pm