Antifashion Week is Here

Ronald Reagan and Flo-Jo

Today is the first day of the first ever Antifashion Week!

Since the Olympics are underway, I’ve decided to dedicate this year’s festivities to a hero of antifashion, Florence Griffith-Joyner.  Flo-Jo was one of a kind: A professional athlete who was as famous for her outrageous sense of style as she was for her achievements as a track star.  Just get a load of those fingernails in the photo above!  She actually had to alter her position in the starting block during races to avoid damaging her over-the-top manicure, perching herself on her knuckles instead of her fingers.

Whether or not she was “tasteful” will always be up for debate.  Nevertheless, she was a true original who delighted in her own unique style.  She exemplifies everything that fashion should be: A means for self-expression.  Flo-Jo knew who she was, and she knew how to convey that image through fashion.  What anyone else thought of her didn’t matter because she had absolute conviction in her own aesthetic.  That’s what style is.

Now if you want to celebrate Antifashion Week, I’ve written a to-do list for you to follow over the next seven days.  Let me know if you accomplish all seven tasks.  And if you don’t, who cares?  Nothing could be more appropriate than printing this list then ripping it up.  Don’t be a slave to anyone else’s agenda.

 

Seven Tasks to Complete During Antifashion Week 

#1: Write Anna Wintour a fan letter instead of reading all the second-hand garbage people write about her.

#2: Try to gain a pound of muscle instead of losing a pound of fat.

#3: Read a book about fashion that focuses on discovering alternative aspects of your own sense of style, like Simon Doonan’s Eccentric Glamour, Greg Polkosnik’s Cosmically Chic or Kevyn Aucoin’s Making Faces.

#4: Buy a hat.

#5: Visit the National Audubon Society website, find your favorite bird and resolve to dress more like it.  Birds are fabulous!

#6: Tell a twelve-year-old girl that she looks pretty (make sure that you know her first, though, or else you’ll just sound creepy).

#7: Take all the money that you would normally spend on the September editions of fashion magazines and use it to buy ice cream instead.

Antifashion Week

Tase T. Lentil

Since every city on the planet has a Fashion Week (except Moose Jaw — and I’m working on that), I’ve decided that it would be appropriate to name the third week in August Antifashion Week.

Antifashion Week will be celebrated by billions of people worldwide as they eschew the designs of the Evil AntiZob a.k.a. Marc Jacobs.  Although individuals are encouraged to express themselves in a manner which defines their own sense of style during Antifashion Week, participating in group activities is also recommended.

Why not build a beachside bonfire with your friends and fuel the flames with fake Louis Vuitton bags and copies of InStyle?  Or instead of going “from daytime to evening” with your makeup, why don’t you show up at work on Monday morning gussied up like a Las Vegas cocktail waitress on New Year’s Eve?  Perhaps you could plan to spend the weekend at the National Lentil Festival — quite possibly the most unglamorous civic pride event I’ve ever heard about.

Whatever you do, just try to have a good time.  With the 2009 fashion shows looming on the horizon, it could be a lot of fun to forget about the stupidity of the fashion world for a while.  Sure, there are going to be some great shows out there, but there are also going to be plenty of Rachel Bilsons and Steven Cojocarus and Adrian Mainellas and Rachel Zoes and Kimora Lees to deal with.  Antifashion Week is the calm before the storm.  Enjoy it while it lasts.