Happy Birthday, Elton John
Happy Birthday, Elton John. This photo reminds me that it will be another six months until I see Las Vegas again, and that’s the most depressing thing I can imagine — besides being born an Aries, I mean . . .
Too Much, Too Soon
After spending almost a week out of town, I’ve finally caught up on “Big Brother Canada.” Words cannot express my delight when I discovered that Paul was eliminated from the show! And the addition of Allison to house was a delightful surprise because I thought that we would be subjected to another season where an over-the-top man who likes to dress up as a woman ate the show alive. Don’t get me wrong; “RuPaul’s Drag Race” is probably my favorite show on TV at the moment. I just like my drag queens to be sharp and witty, not dim-witted and desperate.
Anyway, here is my weekly assessment of the players, from first to worst:
#1: Sarah — After sending home Paul and clearly exposing the divisions within the house, Sarah shored up her position by pulling Heather onto her side. It was a smart move. She’s in the top alliance and yet she has managed to keep the target off her back. She’s doing almost as much dirty work as Sabrina, but by revealing her hand, she’s in place that is less likely to have her personally targeted by other players. Unlike . . .
#2: Sabrina — . . . who is playing a little too hard for her own good. I love what she’s doing right now by dictating the pace of the game, but it’s a dangerous strategy. If she can ensure that her double-dealing nature is not exposed, then she might make it all the way to the end. Otherwise, it’s too much, too soon.
#3: Arlie — Arlie is still the third-wheel in the First Five alliance, but that’s the position I would want to be in if I was playing the game.
#4: Kenny — Kenny’s likability may prove to be detrimental, but everyone is afraid to put him on the block. He’s well protected at the moment.
#5: Andrew — No one is going after Andrew and he already has a couple of challenge wins under his belt. Still, he’s an obvious target once the numbers begin to dwindle.
#6: Heather — Heather can be the pawn every week, but she’s the ideal contestant to drag along.
#7: Allison — The new girl could be an easy boot, but why lose someone who gives you the numbers? I don’t believe that anyone in the First Five is dumb enough to get rid of her yet.
#8: Rachelle — Rachelle’s determination during the HOH challenge was admirable. Her elimination target, however, isn’t a threat to her at all. Yes, Ika is a formidable opponent because she’s won two challenges, but she should have got rid of Kenny or Andrew herself when she had the chance. Asking Rachelle to do it is a desperate move.
#9: Ika — I can’t hate her because she put Paul on the block, but her real target was Heather. Heather! What a waste. I hope that Ika can find a way to stay in the house because she’s more perceptive than a lot of the other contestants. She’s scrappy enough to do it.
#10: Adel — Adel has somehow figured out most of the alliances in the house. I’ll give him credit for that. His “win” in the fan-based vote had more to do with him being the underdog than anything else. The audience always gives the underdog the edge on these shows. At least it’s something.
#11: Neda — She’s not playing a bad game, but she’s on the wrong side of every important alliance. She’s an easy boot for someone who doesn’t want to make a big move, and it would be an easy sell.
#12: Jon — Jon has made strategic alliances with everyone. It’s bound to backfire on him very soon. The next time the First Five is in power, he’ll be the target.
What do you think? Leave me a note in the comments section.
Happy Birthday, Lara Flynn Boyle
Happy birthday, Lara Flynn Boyle. I was thrown for a loop last night when Josh Charles‘ character was killed off from “The Good Wife.” But when I realized that this could mean that a “Threesome” sequel is in the works, I began to count my blessings . . .
Back to Reality
Well, I’m back from Las Vegas. I’ve actually been back for a few days, but it takes me a while to pull myself together after a trip to Sin City. Highlights of my stay at the MGM Grand include getting tracked down at the slot machines by a VIP Casino Host who wanted to introduce herself to my high-rolling friend Tatie-Pie, and getting my entire bill comped because I spent too much in the casino. Whoops! It got even more ridiculous when I got home and found an email in my inbox telling me that they would send a limousine for me the next time I visited. They know a sucker when they see one!
I didn’t spend the entire time gambling, though. I drank a lot, too. I can’t wait to get to the gym this morning to work off some of this bloat. Surviving on the maraschino cherries the waitresses plop into my Mai Tais is not a weight-management strategy that I’d recommend, although the supplementary fiber kept me from regularly pulling up to the trough at the buffet like many of my fellow gamblers. Jeez, there are a lot of fat people in Vegas!
On that note, the town has really become nightlife central. I know this because every evening around nine o’clock an army of fat girls in short, strapless dresses from the Bebe outlet store would march through the MGM on their way to Hakkasan, a huge nightclub. I’d watch them from my slot machine, tugging up their sausage casing-like bodices as they tromped down the aisles in sky-high heels that made them pitch forward like gorillas with lower-back problems.
Now I don’t care what anyone wants to look like: if that’s your shtick, the more power to you. It just reminds me of how inelegant Las Vegas has become. I was in the casino when a bride walked by in her full regalia, accompanied by her groom and two people in baggy cargo shorts and rumpled T-shirts. My friend Tatie-Pie leaned over to me and whispered “So nice of her family to dress up.” Oh, that made me laugh! But then I looked at Tatie-Pie, sitting there with her cute haircut, a simple black dress that she had bought at Ann Taylor earlier that day, her lovely Bottega Veneta bag (yes, that’s a little overkill, but you get my point, right?), and I said to myself “It really doesn’t take that much effort, does it?”
I suppose that I should be grateful that not everyone knows how to dress, or iron, or bathe. It makes people like me look all the more elegant and sophisticated. I was really dumbfounded when the casino offered me limousine service because I don’t believe that I’m a high roller — I didn’t spend that much money! But I guess when the casino hosts are given the choice of having more skanks looking to score in the hotel, or more people who wear pants, it’s lucky for me that they always choose the latter.
Happy Birthday, Catherine Keener
Happy birthday, Catherine Keener. So I watched one of your movies on the plane on my way to Vegas and then I barely won a thing while I was there? A coincidence? I think not . . .
Vacation!
Guess who is spending St. Patrick’s Day in Las Vegas? That’s right — me!
I normally don’t go out of my way to celebrate the holiday, but for some reason it feels like a lucky day to me this year; all the signs are there! I’m staying at the MGM Grand which was also known as “The Emerald City” when it first opened. It’s also the casino where I won a pile of money playing my favorite slot machine, Enchanted Unicorn, which incidentally has a Celtic there. Plus, I’m going with my friend Tatie Pie, and everyone knows how the Irish love their potatoes. And she’s not only a heavy drinker, but also a heavy smoker. If “Angela’s Ashes” was a fragrance, it would smell just like her!
Anyway, I won’t be blogging for the next week. I might have time to get in another post about “Big Brother Canada” later today, but that’s about it. I’ll be back next Thursday or Friday to share stories of how I found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. See you then!
Happy Birthday, Melissa Reeves
Happy birthday, Melissa Reeves. Just a day ago on this blog I was asking Stefano DiMera to kill Jennifer Horton, and then I find out that the two of you are going to be the grandparents of a recently-conceived baby. Let the hijinks begin!
Be Careful What You Wish For
Well, after finally getting my wish of seeing a contestant over the age of forty on “Big Brother Canada,” I’m seriously doubting ever asking the reality television gods for any more favors. Paul has turned out to be a big, fat sack of crap. After last night’s episode, I couldn’t hate the guy any more if I tried.
Anyway, as is the custom on this blog, I’m going to rank the thirteen players still in the game based upon their performance so far. Keep in mind that I’ve already revoked several of my first impressions, yet I’m still going on very little information because every time I tune in to the “live” feeds, they’re down.
Nevertheless, from first to worst, here it goes:
#1: Kenny — Kenny isn’t just playing a good social game, but he’s won a Veto (which everyone knows even though the producers decided to make it a cliffhanger), he’s in a plum position in the First Five alliance, and he’s pulling his weight in a secondary alliance with Jon. He gets extra points for his bromance with Andrew!
#2: Andrew — Andrew has already won two competitions and has himself firmly entrenched in the most promising first-day alliance I’ve ever seen on this show. I didn’t believe that the Brigade could do it, but they did. These guys have made me a believer from moment they walked into the house. Andrew picks his teammates as well as he picks his nose.
#3: Arlie — I really don’t like Arlie, but he’s in a terrific place to be as the third person in a five-person alliance. I am concerned that he might decide that he’s smarter than the rest of the First Five, getting himself voted out early in the process Matt Hoffman-style. It’s the curse of the self-described super fan to think way too much.
#4: Sabrina — Sabrina seems to be causing drama and crying a lot, but she deserves some major credit for her behind-the-scenes work with the girl alliance. Her and Sarah are playing the other girls like a fiddle. The only reason she’s ahead of Sarah on this list is that she’s sort of obnoxious and that makes her a better choice to take to the final two.
#5: Sarah — She has surprised me with her game play! She’s smart and she has obviously watched the show before. She earns bonus points for her antipathy towards the odious Paul, but she loses even more points when I look at her terribly-plucked eyebrows. Who does that to themselves?
#6: Jon — If Jon can stay in the game without injuring himself, he’ll make it this far. He’s too likable (according to the other house guests) to get much farther, but he’s not on anyone’s radar at the moment. I wouldn’t care if he went out earlier, though. I can’t look at his puffy, red eyes any longer. What was wrong with him during last night’s episode? Hopefully, only his charm is infective.
#7: Rachelle — Rachelle seems to be the smartest girl in the girl’s alliance, but unless she realizes that the First Five are together, her potential in this game is going to be wasted. She’s a threat.
#8: Neda — Neda needs to step it up. She’s got a good social game, but she’s trying to lay low. At the moment, I can’t see her going very far.
#9: Heather — Even though she’s not really in any alliance, no one takes Heather seriously. She’ll be gone soon.
#10: Ika — I like-a Ika! Still, her days in the house are numbered. Her ability to see through Paul’s bullshit is impeccable. Maybe she’ll be the one who exposes the First Five before they’re unstoppable. If she did that, she’d soar to the top of this list.
#11: Adel — Of all the house guests, Adel is receiving the most favorable edit. Without the feeds, I wouldn’t even know that he’s a mentally unstable nincompoop.
#12: Kyle — I think Kyle is a great guy. He’s nice, funny, charming and far more intelligent than anyone realizes. He has a great vocabulary and a better command of idiomatic language than anyone else in the house. His downfall is his alliance. I wish I knew how he ended up on the other side of the house, but it seems to have happened before the feeds ever came on.
#13: Paul — Paul is the most disgusting, loathsome asshole I’ve seen on “Big Brother” in years. He’s bat shit crazy, too, if he believes that anyone in Canada is buying his make-it-up-as-I-go strategy as a master plan to win the competition. Watching him compete for the Veto last night was embarrassing. Robyn Kass needs to slap herself upside the head for casting yet another forty-something loser on this show.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments section.
Happy Birthday, Joseph Mascolo
Happy birthday, Joseph Mascolo. Just in case the Phoenix doesn’t rise from the ashes again, can you hurry up and kill Jennifer Horton for me?
Auntie Fashion 
